Post # 1
I’ve found taking the man’s last name an outdated, patriarchal, chauvanistic tradition for as long as I was old enough to understand the concept, so that was never a consideration for me. The problem is, I have no ties to my own last name either, and I’d actually feel better ridding myself of it. Of course we could both hyphenate our two last names, but both our last names are kind of long already. For a while we considered making a completely new last name, but I think people/our friends might find that really random. Another option would be to keep our own last names, but add on our “made-up” last name hyphenated, so it would me “Lysistrata [Lysistrata’s original last name]-[our new made-up joint last name]”. The only problem with that is we’d both have different last names then, and I kind of like the idea of them being the same.
Any other ladies take a non-traditional route changing their names? What did you end up doing?
Post # 3
I’ve always planned on the “create a new last name” option. Luckily the first 3 letters of FI’s name + the last 3 letters of mine make a really pretty, normal-ish new name, so that’s what we’re doing.
Post # 4
@Lysistrata: We decided that we would both keep our last names, simply because it felt strange to change them (and didn’t want to hyphenate for several reasons). We did talk about taking the first half of one of our names and adding it to the last half of the other person’s name, to create a sort of hybrid.
Post # 5
If you don’t like your last name, and your Fiance does like his last name (and you do too), would it really be patriarchal and chauvinistic to change it to his for that reason? To me, it seems that way only if you do it because you “have to” or because “that is what is done.” If it is a reasoned decision based on the reasons you outlined above (you don’t like your last name, you don’t like the idea of hyphenating, you don’t feel comfortable picking a new last name, and you want the same last name as your husband), it seems to me that it isn’t chauvinistic at all.
Post # 6
You could make up a new last name that is not completely random: you could use part of your name and part of his name (e.g. Goodman and Lysistrata could be Lysman)
Post # 7
I plan to take J’s last name, but I am going to drop my middle name and replace it with my maiden. Nothing crazy, but it works for me. =)
Post # 8
Personally I have always wanted to change my last name to Nordstrom – not saying Im related just would like the rub off effect.
Post # 9
A plea not to hyphenate your last names–it’s such a pain. Everytime DH flies, it’s sort of touch-and-go regarding whether or not the ticket will match his driver’s license because “Jones-Smith” so easily becomes: Jonesmith, Smith-Jones, Jones Smith (no hyphen), Smith Jones, J. Smith, just Smith, and on and on. Up to you, but just sayin’ from experience.
A few other ideas (sorry if I repeat any)
1. Use the letters of your names to create a new name
2. Drop your maiden name and adopt your middle name as your last (unless you suddenly sound like a porn star)
3. Take the last name of someone else in your family that you love–like Grandma’s first or last name
4. If you still can’t decide, “Jolie-Pitt” has a lovely ring to it.
Post # 10
We have played with names for the past year. I am going from a 4 letter last name to a 10 letter last name if I change. I was first married at 19, when I was divorced kept my married last name ( degrees, professional life etc). Mountain Man is fine with my birth last name, but not comfortable with previous married last name. We considered using the initials I have KFC, Kayeffcee and dont you know that is a real last name.lol—
Ive asked his kids about the upside/downsides of the last name. Boy are 17 year old boys honest.
I dont know what I am going to do until the day I sign that certificate.
Post # 11
I’m with you on how the custom of taking the man’s name is really outdated. I honestly do not see a good reason for it – why should it always be the man’s name, why not the woman’s name?
I think couples should have an open discussion about which name they prefer, sometimes it may be that the man’s or the woman’s is much prettier or less common and that’s fine. But why it’s automatically assumed that just because a person is born female she should give up her name is beyond me. I have always felt that I am just as capable and valuable as any man and I will not being giving up my name to take his.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is married and in her case, and her sister’s coincidentally, both the new husbands took their wives’ surnames. For the only brother in the family, he’ll be taking his new wife’s name when they get married.
If you absolutely want to have the same name then I’d suggest either taking an old family name (perhaps something from 100-200 years ago) or create a new one.
Post # 12
I totally agree with what you said.
Post # 14
My FI’s last name has always been a burden for him – his dad wasn’t the nicest person and left their home country for the US with his mother and older brother, never looking back. The only relatives he has/knows are his mom and brother, and he only speaks to his mother. He’s never been a part of the family who’s name he carries. So he’s become a part of my family and is taking our family name. 🙂
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
We might be changing both of our last names to something else entirely. I’ve heard its much more of a pain to change a man’s last name, but I’m not sure why. I hope you find something that works for both of you that you can both be happy with!
Post # 16
I agree with those who’ve suggested you look at a combination of the letters or syllables in your last name, as well as through your family trees. Maybe one of your grandmother’s maiden names… You can also look through your personal history together. A place or even that is important to both of you, maybe. Choosing a name with some sort of significance would make it seem less random, and give you a story for any of your loved ones who are confused by what you’ve done.
And while I totally understand where others are coming from that choosing to take a husband’s last name does not have to be a chauvinistic, anti-feminist choice, I can also understand how it may feel like something you just can’t do, no matter the reasons. I also feel like anything I do to change my name must be something he is doing as well… it’s just something that’s important to me in the process.