(Closed) Non-traditional Wedding – Ceremony at 8:00 PM, dinner and pictures beforehand…

posted 5 years ago in Beehive
  • poll: Should we invite everyone to dinner before the ceremony?

    Yes, but just casually mention it a couple of days beforehand.

    Yes, but include something about it on the wedding invites.

    No; just stick with the wedding party and family only.

  • Post # 2
    7328 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    jenniferleighg:  Overall the wedding sounds cool, although I would prepare yourself that people are likely to stay for the ceremony and not go out – because it’s a non-traditional flow some people will be confused.

    As for the dinner You can’t invite your wedding guests to a meal and ask them to pay for themselves. I think you either need to nix that idea, or find a way to fit it into your budget.

    Post # 3
    312 posts
    Helper bee

    Eh…. I definitely think it is in poor taste to invite people to the dinner and then they have to pay, regardless of gifts. Maybe just do dinner with immediate family and bridal party before? And find a way to pay for it…having a bridal party so everything for you and then making them buy their own dinner is really wrong imo

    Post # 4
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I don’t think you can invite people to dinner like this and the ask them to pay. Definitely don’t invite more people to come who you also can’t host. Casually or no. 

    Is there a way to make room in your budget to pay for the families and the bridal parties meal? Could you have it catered somewhere with sandwiches or pizza? Or reserve a room at a resturant with a set menu ahead of time?

    I think the rest of your evening sounds lovely. But I wouldn’t invite people to dinner if you can’t pay for it. Then just you and your Fiance should go out to dinner. 

    Post # 5
    1582 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I would not invite anyone to the dinner — wedding party or otherwise — if you are not willing to pay for them. Not expecting gifts does not justify that because gifts are given freely whereas you are expecting them to come to dinner and it becomes more of a demand that way. 

    The candlelight ceremony sounds like it will be beautiful!

    Post # 6
    962 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    View original reply
    gimmickgirl:  this. I would figure out if you can carve out $150 or so for sandwiches, burritos, or pizza to be delivered to the wedding party and parents as you need. No, you don’t have to invite everyone.

    Post # 7
    6930 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    As everyone said, do not invite people to dinner and make them pay for themselves.  Your timeline is remarkably like my own and as such, here’s something you might want to consider:  We had a bbq lunch reception at noon.  My husband cooked – he felt much better about the socializing aspect of the reception because he had something to do and people just came up to him instead of the other way around.  Our meal for 38 people cost somewhere in the neighborhood of 200-300 bucks (tri tip, french bread, salads, paper plates, napkins, plastic ware).

    At 3:00 husband and I took off to shower, dress and do our pictures.  I think our parents cleaned up whatever we hadn’t already, bless them.  Our bridal party joined us when they were ready.  Our guests left to do whatever they felt like – dinner on their own if still hungry – then came back again at 7:00 to find out the plan for the ceremony (we had to adjust for rain).  At 8:00 we had our ceremony and drove back to the reception location.  we then served desserts and people stayed until they wanted to go.

    If you go this route, it’s certainly  non-traditional but you will be feeding everyone, which they do deserve if you plan on having them with you.

    Post # 8
    9085 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    jenniferleighg:  “At 5:00, I want to have a dinner with my wedding party, the families, and close friends, but I need for them to pay for their food and drinks. Is that horrible?” — Well, I usually reserve “horrible” for murders and such, but this is pretty bad. If you can’t host it, you should just skip the dinner. It has nothing to do with gifts. If a loved one invited me to their wedding dinner and it was buy-your-own, I would probably go along with it and not say anything to them, but depending on what I know of them, I would either be very embarassed for them (if it seemed like they were just clueless about how tacky it was) or roll my eyes at their cheapness (if they were known for being cheap). It’s not acceptable. There’s no law against it, but if you go this route, people will think poorly of you one way or another. Everything else sounds cool. It would be way better to just skip the dinner.

    Post # 9
    3173 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yes, it’s in bad taste to invite people to your wedding dinner and have them pay. You can’t say, “Well, we’re not expecting gifts,” because you’re not supposed to expect gifts. Everything else sounds fine though. 

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