Post # 1
Anyone else with a completely non-verbal man when it comes to showing love? I mean I know he loves me, and shows it in his own (always practical) ways, but sometimes I really wish he was more forthcoming with the ‘I love you’ s and general compliments that just make me feel warm and fuzzy!
Im very verbal, and reactions to my platitudes of love/affection result in either; ‘you too’, silence, or occasionally, if he’s feeling pushed, accusations that I’m fishing for returned compliments.
Anyone else got a man like this? On one hand, any praise has incredible meaning, but on the other, I would really appreciate a little more. Ill even admit to sometimes, yes, fishing for something!
Post # 3
This is my SO. We actually had a huge argument over it the other night. I get told I’m beautiful once every other month – maybe. He’s good with saying I love you, but anything else (my appearance, what I mean to him, why he loves me) forget it.
Post # 4
Fiance is this way when he’s stressed (he’s a high school teacher and a coach so during schoold he’s working 70hr weeks). But usually he does a decent job when he’s feeling really good. In a way its good because when he’s super quiet I know something is up. I do wish he would tell me I’m beautiful more often like he did when we first starting dating but I guess stuff like that just eventually gets put to the side. :/
Post # 5
This wouldn’t work for me. I need verbal affirmations!
Post # 6
I understand, that can be frustrating. I think it’s certainly worth talking to your SO about.
As part of our premarital counseling, Darling Husband and I had to read the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It basically says that people have different ways of expressing their love: through words of affirmation, acts of service, affection, quality time and gifts. It can help you understand that you both basically have different ways of showing love. If your SO isn’t meeting your needs or helping you feel loved, it’s good to talk to him about it. He can then work on showing he loves you in a way that makes sense to you and vice versa. I highly suggest checking it out.
Post # 7
I second the Five Love Languages. If you google it, you can take a quick quiz version. We did that for PMC and it wasn’t so much that I learned a lot new or different, but it helped me articulate it.
My primary “love language” is words of affirmation, while DH’s is service or something like that. It helped us to understand why I could write him a love letter he barely cared about (seriously!) and why he could do something practical for me that I didn’t get all that excited over. Sometimes we have to remind each other of what speaks to us.
Post # 8
I just downloaded The five Love Languages on itunes, fyi. I plan to listen in the car.
Post # 9
thanks ladies, I have seen mention of this book previously on these boards. Ill look into reading it for me, but pigs might fly before I could get the boy to read something like that!
Any advice (other than frank adult discussions- which yes I should continue, but it really sucks having the ‘I don’t feel loved when you don’t tell me’ discussion AGAIN) on how to help mE would be welcome.
Post # 10
This is us. We’ve discussed love languages and he’s trying, bcause he knows it matters to me — his language is more like service/closeness. He shows he loves me by doing what I want to do/watching what I want to watch/etc. and wants me to show mine by extending the same to him. It’s hard for me because I just don’t connect that with love at all, but we’re trying for each other!!
Post # 11
I know how you feel. I think I’ve been told I’m pretty twice in our entire relationship–once when we first started dating and once on our wedding day. I know my husband loves me, but I also know he feels awkward, self-conscious, etc. saying stuff out loud. He’s good with I love you toos but that’s about it. And he only uses terms of endearment very rarely. I think it goes back to the five love languages other people mentioned. He expresses his love physically and in acts of service. So he’s always reaching for my hand or pulling me close to him or making me dinner, etc. I express my love physically (so at least we’re in sync there) and in words and compliments, but not as much in doing things for him. It helps me to remember that he’s telling me the things I want to hear by what he does. And also, we’ve had conversations about this, so I know that if I really need a verbal affirmation all I have to do is ask.