- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Long story short: I went to a very, very small college and developed a close-knit group of girlfriends while there. There were five of us: we lived together, partied together, shared our ups and downs. I always imagined they would be with me on my wedding day. We are all scattered throughout the country or globe now, and although I haven’t seen two of them in almost four years, I always considered us close and we kept in regular touch through e-mail, Skype, etc. Of course, I imagined everyone would be excited to get together for my Fiance and I’s destination wedding in the DR this spring. At first, all the girls were excited and promised to be there.
Now, one by one, they are dropping like flies.
Two of the friends in the group had a falling out a few years ago, and this caused some conflict and concern from each one of them about being in the same place, but each pledged to get over it for my day. However, now, each one is coming up with a different excuse:
One friend, N, lives in Paris. Originally she told me she would do whatever it took to get to my wedding. She recently got a great job in fashion and I believed she had been doing pretty well for herself. Until I got the e-mail recently saying that there is “no way she can swing it financially”. At first, I understood – it is a long and expensive flight. Until I read what she wrote next – that because she was feeling so down that she couldn’t make my wedding, she decided she needed to do something to console herself, and booked a trip to Bali to visit a friend there, because a plane ticket to Bali was cheaper than to Dominican Republic. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY would she even tell this to me? I did check to verify her story and yes – it is a few hundred dollars cheaper to fly there and she can stay with her friend for free whereas in DR she would need to pay hotel – but still. I felt absolutely BETRAYED and CRUSHED by this.
My other friend E is unemployed right now so – I get that, totally.
Other friend, A, (who lives in FL for goodness sake – it would be a very quick and cheap flight for her) – was telling me a few weeks ago she was looking at flights and to let her know when to arrive. I got an e-mail from her recently saying that “she just doesn’t think she is going to be able to make it” now because she doesn’t have “the money or vacation time”. Our wedding is on a holiday weekend, so technically she wouldn’t have to take any time – or a day at most. And as for money? I don’t know her financial situation, but her boyfriend and her are constantly taking weekend trips to the keys, etc, AND, have even been discussing taking a trip to Europe next year to visit N (I saw her post it a few weeks ago on other friend’s Fb wall). I wrote her back trying to convince her – no luck. She is out. Part of me wonders if she found out N and E aren’t going and decided not to bother…
My other friend – and Maid/Matron of Honor – lives a few hours from me, but she has been the worst Maid/Matron of Honor ever and not involved at all. She’s struggled with ‘personal’ issues for awhile and they seem to have gotten progressively worse this year, although she promised me that no matter what she would be there. The main reason I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor is because she was SO thrilled about it and excited about it, that I knew she would do a good job. But now her personal problems have caused a mental deterioriation and she told me recently that she just might only be able to be there in spirit.
Great. So much for my best friends. I feel like such a loser. I’ll be the only person to have a wedding with none of her friends in it. Granted, I’ll have a few family members (although my own father may not come, and my niece who was supposed to be my flower girl is being left behind, too). And a few mutual friends of mine and my FI’s (mostly FI’s friends, really, than mine)…but that’s it. The wedding will be 3/4 FI’s guests. I just feel so down, I don’t even know if I want a wedding anymore, even though it’s already all paid for almost, because, really, what is the point of having spent tons of money on a wedding with the goal of celebrating with your closest friends and family if 80% of my ‘closest friends and family’ won’t be there? Otherwise, I would just stick to our legal union and save the money. I am afraid I won’t even have fun and everyone will be looking at me weird because I don’t have any friends or a Maid of Honor there 🙁
Do I sound ridiculous? Or do I just have really, REALLY flakey friends? How do I get over this crushing disappointment and have a great day?