(Closed) None of my friends came to my shower :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@princessbelle:  “ I think it is ABSURD that people are saying because you are eloping that they are too offended to come to the party.  That’s complete bull and I would probably laugh in my friends faces if that was their reason.”

Glad I’m not your friend then because if you found out something you’d done had offended me, and laughed in my face, that would end the friendship on the spot. When you’re talking about hurt feelings, it doesn’t matter if you agree with someone’s finding of a situation as offensive or not. Regardless of your differing views, you should at a minimum be empathetic that you have unknowingly hurt your friend. You should feel concerned over the fact that someone’s been hurt and not mocking the reason for their hurt.

in this situation if every single one of the OP’s friends bailed on her, it’s kind of worth looking things because the one thing all those people have in common is the OP. 

 

Post # 48
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Horseradish:  Well I personally don’t want friends that lie to my face, pretend to be excited and then shit all over me. Perhaps they did have hurt feelings.  That is no reason to completely embarass the OP.  Man up and say why you aren’t coming.  Then maybe she could have had the chance to explain the situation. Not that anyone is owed an explanation as to why the couple is eloping.

If I did something hurtful then of course I would apologize for offending said friend but to intentionaly deceive a friend is rediculous.  They deserve no pity for their “hurt” feelings of not being invited.  It’s a wedding, NO ONE is entitled to attend except the bride and groom.

 

OP put all this friend crap out of your mind and enjoy YOUR day.  If they don’t want to support you beforehand they certainly don’t deserve to experience the joy you and your Darling Husband will have.

 

Post # 49
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@meranda:  how many friends did you invite?

Post # 50
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

@Horseradish:  Yup, I agree completely.

 

I suspect the friends might be miffed that they’re invited to the shower but not the wedding, but that certainly doesn’t excuse accepting invitations and then not showing up. That’s incredibly rude. I don’t think I would accept an invitation to a shower for someone who was eloping. If you’re eloping you’re forgoing all the trappings of a traditional wedding, so it’s a little…unusual…to have a shower. Also, the mother of the bride/groom typcially should not throw the shower.  But again, none of that makes their behavior right. I would talk to them about it.

Post # 51
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@meranda:  I don’t know how old you are but I feel like RSVPing is pretty much non-existent in my circle of friends.  Events are usually planned via text or facebook and most people in my circle of friends will just RSVP with a “maybe” to avoid committing to anything then decide day of how they feel.  I guess it’s just a result of facebook and texting culture.  It’s so much easier to bail on someone if you can send them a text or facebook message instead of having to call them and actually decline.  I’d talk to your friends about it and try to find out their reasons.  You’re not unjustified in feeling hurt. 

Post # 52
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

This was an extremely hurtful thing for your friends to do, and I don’t blame you for being extremely upset! Have you tried talking to them for their exact reasoning behind why they didn’t come? Maybe they aren’t really who you thought they were, which sucks, but that is life I guess. I’m sorry! 🙁

Post # 53
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@princessbelle:  “ They deserve no pity for their “hurt” feelings of not being invited.  It’s a wedding, NO ONE is entitled to attend except the bride and groom.”

except its a serious dick move to exclude people from the wedding then invite them to a shower and IF this has anything to do with them no-showing for the shower then the OP needs to at least acknowledge that the friends’ feelings are valid. That’s basically saying “you’re good enough to be invited to the gathering where you’re expected to give a gift (regardless of the op’s intentions, that is the expected behavior and social norm) but when it comes to the actual wedding, youre not welcome” and it’s pretty cold to do that to your friends.

 

Post # 56
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁 

@Horseradish:  I agree with you, but also see that it’s equally crappy behaviour to accept an invite and not show.

Post # 57
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Horseradish:  Well this is going nowhere fast.  We clearly have very different opinions on this topic.

The OP does not have to recognize their feelings as valid.  They pretty much didn’t recognize her feelings when they decided not to attend.  If they had said no for reason a,b, or c this would have never been a situation.  Instead they said yes I will come, and then backed out.  If it is such a mortal sin to invite people to a shower (that it wasn’t even OP’s idea to have) and not the elopement then why did so many other people show up.  Clearly her friends need to grow up.  They weren’t the only ones excluded from the wedding.  The couple is eloping! No one is invited!! Yet some people still came to the shower to share with the OP.

Post # 58
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@meranda:  Please don’t worry about explaining yourself. It seems everyone knew and supported this elopement and your soon-to-be Mother-In-Law still wanted to throw a shower. That was her choice and the friends agreed to be there for you, and didn’t show. That is not okay, even if they will not be at the wedding. Is anybody attending the wedding (family?) or is it just you and your fiance? I’m sorry that happened. It really hurts when people just blow it off without any reason. I had a friend do that to both my showers (work and regular one) and it was a bit frustrating. One week to go!

Post # 61
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@meranda:  wow, that’s a lot.  have they said why they couldn’t attend?

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