Normal couple behavior?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 3
837 posts
Busy bee

I think the pick up in bickering may bcome from stress on both ends. For you, super annoyed at waiting after ring picke dout, for him “ohhh ishhh, its about to get real!!”‘ So i can say it may be normal while he gets over his nerves. I would say not to ask again, he made steps he has the ring and says he has a plan. Give him that respect. Find a hobby so that arguments are less. He may not see the arguing as stress related to pre engagement phase, and it’s probably prolonging. But give him his time since he has the ring and a plan and date. Maybe a special date coming up maybe the holidays etc…. then umm yea

Post # 4
10544 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I definitely know couples this has happened to though I didn’t experience it myself. I would think it would be good to address the increase in arguments head on. Choose a day to sit down and talk about it. Are you both experiencing more stress? Is there anxiety about the engagement (which is pretty normal it’s a huge commitment)? And consider pre-martial counseling, a lot of couples find it really helpful.

I will also say that my husband had the ring for 6 months before proposing. I know some people are like if he really wanted to he’d do it right away! But my husband is a perfectionist and really wanted to make it a special moment for us. It was totally worth the wait and honestly 5 years later the difference between February (when he got the ring) and July doesn’t matter at all.

Post # 5
1028 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply

Can you give us some examples of things you disagree about?

5 out of 7 days of the week seems a lot of time to be bickering to me. 

Are you (both of you or either of you) under a lot of stress, aside from the proposal business? Lots of people have shorter fuses when they are under stress, but all the same, I think this is a good time to address communication issues.

Of course, we all know bickering can happen and does happen, but it’s not a healthy communication style. A couple should be striving towards discussing things, rather than bickering about them, as much as possible. Bickering is passive aggressive. It usually points to concerns which a person has but won’t come right out and say it in a direct and respectful way, so they let off steam by getting angry or annoyed about little things.

Couples counselling is a great way to learn and practice healthy communication tactics, with a neutral third party to facilitate.

From my own humble point of view, one of the biggest problems I’ve seen in relationships is that people are unwilling or fearful to come right out and say what they really mean. They’re afraid that their partner won’t be able to take it, or they don’t know how to say it in a kind way, or they’re afraid their relationship is not strong enough to work through whatever issue it is. So they keep quiet, and frustration/resentment grows.

Post # 6
464 posts
Helper bee

We experienced this a bit right after getting engaged. We bickered more than usual because we were stressed–all of a sudden we were planning a wedding and dealing with SO many decisions and opinions all at once. I think it’s probably normal for this to happen right before getting engaged as well, since emotions are heightened on both ends. And although you’ve been together for a long time, things are now getting really real and serious, which may make you over-analyze your arguments and make you wonder if you should be together. I experienced this briefly as well, but then remembered that 7 years together had shown me all sides of this man, and I love him and can’t wait to marry him. The point is, this too shall pass–talk it out, definitely don’t bottle your feelings up, and try not to overthink. 

Post # 7
573 posts
Busy bee

To me, five minute disagreements that happen five times a week is… odd. I can’t imagine you’re actually working through whatever the issue is in only five minutes if you’re the right back to laughing but you go at it again the next day. Maybe try sitting down together for an hour to talk about where you both feel your communication breakdown is originating.

I will also say that you might consider backing off a bit from a timeline talk and thinking about engagement unless your mental walk date is fast approaching. Just chill and try to enjoy your relationship right now. 

I might be reading it wrong, but it sounds to me as if you’re being a nervous, impatiently waiting bee and here’s why: only ~ten weeks ago he went ring shopping with you as a first step. Neither of you expected to buy a ring that day but you did. That to me says he’s bumped up his own timeline by a bit (likely several weeks- he probably intended to buy a ring about now). Since then you’ve asked for a timeline talk but when you didn’t get an answer (he’s probably still trying to wrap his head around what he needs for setting up a proposal, both practically and emotionally) so you threatened that you will not wait forever. Telling a man who just bought a ring for you that you won’t wait forever just puts more pressure on him when really he sounds serious about you. If he weren’t serious he would not have bought a ring. 

You’ve been together a long time but not for very long as grown adults. Your bf sounds perfectly reasonable in his intentions at this point to me (25 is young for a man to get married). You sound like you’re worrying, a lot. I can’t tell you if that’s because you’re stressing yourself out about what you should be doing in your relationship to keep up with the Joneses, ie being engaged like yesterday or because you have a dud of a man and your gut is screaming at you to run. You know the answer to that, deep down.

Don’t worry if your relationship is weird to others *if it works for you*.

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