Post # 1
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
My 15 month old has been in daycare since 12 months old when I went back to work full time. He had a hard first couple weeks, cried a lot all day according to the provider (home daycare). Then it seemed like things were getting better, and then they went downhill again, every day the feedback was ‘another bad day, another bad day, another bad day’ for weeks, literally every day a ‘bad day’…..he is absolutely fine with us at home and seems anywhere else we take him or when he stays with his grandparents (he recently stayed with them for while we went away for a whole weekend and didn’t cry once and was fine).
But at daycare every day now his upset is getting worse and worse, the provider says he cries and ‘screams bloody murder’ all day, doesn’t really eat, doesn’t sleep well. (again, no issues at home with eating or slepping). It’s heartbreaking to know he’s so upset all day. We’ve tried to work with the provider and ‘tweak’ some things, but it hasn’t worked, he just doesn’t take to it the same way. I”ve brought in comfort items from home, I’ve asked a million questions about the details of his day just looking for answers and keep coming up short. Only thing that stands out is that she is trying to stick to a routine different than ours and won’t budge, because it doesn’t work for her day. For example, at home he still needs a morning nap, he wakes up naturally at 6 am and is rubbing his eyes by 8:30/9 and sleeps again then – she won’t adhere to this because she she says that no other daycare lets a 15 month old toddler take 2 naps a day (well mine still needs 2 naps!), and she is also busy with other things at that time – she puts him down for 1 nap at 11 – which he doesn’t sleep just cries. Well yeah he’s so overtired and cranky by then he’s unglued. She does have other kids to tend to and I think he gets left alone a lot, like I know he is the last one left downstairs while she puts the other children down for naps. Provider says he will cry the minute she puts him down, he’s fine when she holds him. And she has told us that she has been frustrated and I see it on her face. So then I get concerned for his safety and comfort. She also thinks maybe it is a product of being an only child. Yes, he’s our first and has us all to ourselves at the moment, but it seems to me more than that.
We’re really thinking 3 months is long enough to have given it a fair shot and maybe it’s just not a fit, but what if this happens elsewhere too? Does this sounds like normal seperation anxiety? Also, lately I’ve noticed him bringing the anxiety home, he used to be able to play with me puttering around and now he cries when I pick him up from daycare and then will cling to me for the rest of the night, and then in the morning is fine until we get to daycare and then again cries and clings to me. 🙁 I feel like we broke our happy child 🙁 My gut is telling me that he is telling me something is wrong but what if I’m over-reacting..? We will have to start all over again with a new transition to somewhere different and start all over, I don’t want to make things even worse. I’m so baffled, he is like a totally different kid there.
I’d love to hear other’s thoughts of if you had to make a daycare change? Very stressful! – Sad Mama…
Post # 2
Member
6583 posts
Bee Keeper
I think it’s unreasonable of her to not let your 15 month old have 2 naps. My Mother-In-Law is a licensed daycare provider and has a schedule, but obviously you have to be a little flexible. I would find a new provider.
Post # 3
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
I used to run a licensed centre with 25 children and 9 employees. Number 1, here in Canada a child is an infant until 18 months NOT a toddler. Yes, at 18 months we will begin to wean a child down to 1 nap a day, but we only encourage what is naturally happening with the child at that age. If they need a morning nap sometimes we allow it, but we gradually shorten the length ie if they normally sleep 1 hr for 2 week we let them sleep 45mins then wake up, then 2 weeks of 30 mins then wake up etc.
You are doing a lot of great things by bringing in toys from home maybe bring in pictures of you and your husband laminated for the baby to hold. We had children who screamed and screamed every day all day, redirecting them to other toys, games/ activities is the best thing the daycare provider can do.
Sometimes kids just want their parents and that’s that. It can happen for weeks, and stop. It can happen for months and then stop. Only once did it never stop and the parents pulled the child from our care to stay home with them.
Children arent identical. No two children need the same things. Im curious what happened to trigger the change from happy to these behaviors. Are they trained in Early Childhood Education? If you have any specific questions feel free to PM me.
Post # 4
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
Scou: Yes I did that too, I made a “Who loves baby” book with our pictures in it. As well as I rotate bringing in his favourite toys and books from home, and even favourite snacks and foods even though she provides meals.
Post # 5
Member
49 posts
Newbee
If this was a facility then I would say it would definitley be a no-go on the two naps. Facility’s DO have a set schedule that is set in place by state mandated standards. Also, it would be difficult for him to nap because children usually stay in one room and all of the children are together. However, seeing as this is a person’s home, I do not see why she couldn’t just let him nap in another room away from the other children. And it is concerning that he was fine for a little while and has just now started to return to the screaming and crying. I work in childcare and this behavior usually only tends to last 2 weeks at most. If the provider is loving, patient, and kind the child will eventually calm down. I think it is time to find a new daycare 🙁 sometimes, you have to shop around a bit before you find the one that best suits your childs needs.
Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
From the outside perspective, it sounds like the daycare provider might not be the best fit for what your child needs right now. Given her unwillingness to manage the baby’s routine, her seeming to be stressed and not willing to try different things to help fix the situation.
I’d go with your gut on this one. Are there other daycare options you can explore?
Post # 7
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
Sunshine09: this is not normal separation anxiety and I think you hit the nail on the head with routine. I would think that a home provider would be more flexible in nap times. Maybe it is unusual for a child your son’s age to need two naps but it isn’t a crazy notion. He need that nap and depriving home of it is throwing off his entire day. I think you are correct in assuming that he is over tired by the time he does get to his nap which is why it is unsuccessful. I worked in childcare for many years before I started nursing (where I also work with children) and this is not a common problem for kids. He should have adjusted by now.
The only thing I can suggest, short of finding a new care provider, is trying to eliminate the 1st nap from your home routine but that is really no preferable here. I think it is best for your child if you find a new care situation where his individual needs can be met. Have you looked into a private nanny?
Post # 8
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
I have am 11 month old in daycare. I read until the part about the naps and I got angry. 6am is EARLY for that age, he needs another nap and your daycare provider should be allowing for him to nap. I would be looking for a new daycare. My daughter has had a few hard days here and there and we’re always jointly looking on how to make her day better. It’s hard enough as a mom to have to bring your child to daycare, I can’t imagine how hard it’s been when your provider tells you every day is a bad day.
Post # 9
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
MrsM914: The sleep does seem to be a big factor. At home he sleeps all night from 7 pm – 6am like clockwork. Then anytime he’s with us or family naps again (even after a full nights sleep) from 9 to 10 or 1030 and again from about 130 to 230 or. And then a full nights sleep again. At daycare he naps at the most for 20 -30 minutes alllll day, and very broken and not restful sleep. So by the time I pick him up at 5 he’s an exhausted mess.
Post # 10
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
Sunshine09: The lack of sleep is most likely the cause of all the other behaviours, not eating etc as the child is mentally exhausted and therefore unwilling, frustrated and grumpy. Poor little one!! I reccomend looking for other care if possible.
Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
Ok I went back and finished reading your whole post since this situation really hits home with me. I think it’s your provider that is the problem. When we first started at our current daycare the main woman in the infant room was not my favorite (and that’s putting it nicely). She seemed detached from the kids and on one occasion when I showed up to pick up my daughter I found her kind of like bitching to herself about a crying baby. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I mean in order for you to work at a daycare you have to REALLY really love kids and your job and it was just apparent to me that this woman did not. On another occasion, I walked in to find my SUPER EASY GOING HAPPY baby sitting alone on the floor (before she could crawl) while this same woman played with the only other child in the room who was super happy and babbling away. All the toys had been cleaned and put away for the day and they had not given her a bottle in over three hours. She was hungry, bored and ignored. I WAS MAD. Fortunately the woman that was there left her job the next day and the two women that came in as her replacements have kept me at the same center and have made a HUGE difference in how my daughter responds to going to daycare. These two new providers are just warm people and really are loving. There’s no more teary good-byes in the morning or finding a hungry ignored child at the end of the day. She claps and waved when we arrive. This is how a child should be responding to people she sees 80% of the week. It took about one to two weeks for me to see a change in my daughter with the new providers. So long story short, I would defintely be looking for a new center.
Post # 12
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
akazan: Yes thank you. It’s very hard to hear that my spirited sweet funny boy is the ‘bad kid’ at daycare basically holding up the program. I’ve been told that there’s no trouble with the other kids following that routine.
akazan: He wakes up naturally at 6 am every single morning, we don’t even need an alarm clock! We wake up to him babbling over the monitor. Which is great because my husband and I have t get ready for work and out the door and him to daycare.
Post # 13
Member
4980 posts
Honey bee
Your provider is not being flexible. We have our 3 year old in a in home licensed daycare. She lets the kids nap when they need to nap. For example at that age my son still needed 2 naps. He was able to nap those times. I would try to find a new provider that is flexible on routines
Post # 14
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
Unfortunately, if the baby is anywhere besides his own home, then he’s going to have to adapt. Even if he goes to a different daycare center/home, there’s going to be other kids and the teachers have to keep schedules or else there’s too much chaos.
In your case it sounds like he might be best suited to have a nanny that can watch him at your home.
Post # 15
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
akazan: I would be mad too! Certainly suspicious. Thank god that turned around for you and your little one!