(Closed) normally it's done like this….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like I’ve actually had the quite opposite experience on this site.  Most members do have knowledge of what is traditionally done, but they have been very accepting and supportive of me going against the grain, or offering advice to suggest that an untraditional approach will turn out just fine.  A lot of people may only know the traditional ways of completing wedding tasks.  I hope that you have a good experience though on the weddingbee through your wedding planning process.  The bees have come to my rescue more times than I can count, and I should make most of them my bridesmaids at this point!

Post # 4
Member
46651 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it depends on the context of the post. Many bees freely admit they are clueless and are asking for advice.

Some bees are also completely oblivious when it comes to etiquette. Etiquette is not about rules on how to do things. It is about how to be gracious and not hurt other people’s feelings unnecessarily. Etiquette changes over time. If someone mentions that their plan is not how things are done, and they still want to do it, then they are making a conscious decision and can prepare themselves for the consequences.

Some bees also need to be disabused of some notion they are holding. We have had many bees upset because ” the parents should be paying for this”. They benefit from someone else orienting them to the real world. When they hear from a number of bees that their thoughts are incorrect, they may be able to give them up and move on.

I honestly don’t see many posts where bees are chastized for their choices just because they are different.

Post # 5
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Everything I know about weddings, I learned from the Bee.  I come here to find out how things are normally done.  That said, I hear from Fiance very frequently,”I’ve only ever seen it done this way,” and it drives me nuts!  For example, I suggested that we do Jenga blocks for a guest book instead of, well, a guest book.  FI was really against it because all 26 weddings he has been to in the last several years all had guest books. I told him we would never look at it again, as it serves no real purpose but to gather dust.  At least with Jenga, we could play a game on our anniversary every year or something.  Sadly, it took a Google image search of Jenga block guest book to convince him of the awesomeness of the idea.

There are many little things that throw him off about my ideas, but I see it as a way to be somewhat original.  I haven’t been to more than 1 wedding my entire life, so it’s like I am a blank slate.  My family isn’t full of the marrying kind.  I hope that my oddness is just something he also loves about me.  I think it is, but he is just so darned concerned about what others think.

Currently, the thing is the card box.  I hate most card boxes.  FI thinks it is absolutely necessary that we have a box with a slit in top, because that’s all he’s ever seen.  I tell him I don’t care about alll that.  I suspect this will be just one of those differences that will stick around:  I am unconventional, and he is very traditional.  I respect his ideas, but I don’t think that we should be the same as everyone else just because.

To sum up, I hate the phrase, “But I have only ever seen it done this way…”

 

Post # 7
Member
46651 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@alikat2014:  I feel like everyone else took my post the wrong way!   

???????


Only 2 people who didn’t agree with you posted a response.

Post # 8
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@julies1949:  +1

I don’t think anyone holds people to any sort of expectations here.  I notice the bees saying things like, “Traditionally, the bride’s father pays for the wedding, but that’s not how it’s done anymore” or something like that. 

I think we all recognize what traditions and rules of etiquette exist and keep it in the back of our minds. 

I’m certainly not having a traditional wedding, but I still want to follow certain rules when it comes to some things.  For ex, I’m having a destination wedding, so I’m going to follow the rule of how far in advance to send the invites (6-8months).  Also, I’m Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend’s wedding; normally, I’d have to pay for her bridal shower, but we all know I couldn’t afford the one she would like to have and so I’m helping plan it, but someone else is paying for it. 

I think it’s good to note traditions and etiquette, etc. because some people do expect things to be that way and it’s good to know where it comes from. 

Post # 9
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hmmmm, I found that as a whole, WB has been very supportive of everyone’s ideas even if it goes against tradition. 

Post # 10
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve seen it plenty…but once you get your groove on her it bugs you less.  You pick your battles more.  Really it took me over a year to stop being really offended.  I even posted about how to not get pissed at the bee.  I felt like my “against the grain” attitude was always matched with a well it’s actually “supposed to be…” and I’d say well just because it’s been that way doesn’t make it right etc etc..

Now I don’t really care, I’m not so invested because most of our planning is done.  It was more stressful when I was actually trying to get support and not debate. 

I realized there is a difference between how things are said, when someone says THIS IS RIGHT vs. someone saying I think this because…it makes a difference in how I take in the information.  The latter I am more willing to consider.

Post # 13
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@alikat2014:  Maybe it would be helpful if you pointed us to a post like that.  I’ve really never seen bees here offer up advice when it’s not asked for or when the OP isn’t venting about something.

Post # 14
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@alikat2014:  I don’t have a problem with people not doing things the traditional way on their big day…I mean it’s not really any of my business how they want to have their wedding. The only thing I am anal about is stuff that I consider to be rude or tacky. Things I wouldn’t have any qualms about calling my friends out on. Eg- three bridal showers, not paying for wedding party’s outfits etc but I guess you could say that these are things not accepted in my country.

Look at me, sounding all reasonable. In reality, there are probably a million trivial things that I would not let be a part of my wedding, but I’m a pretty irritable person around pretty much everyone but first graders.  

Post # 16
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@alikat2014:  Why are you so defensive?  This is a debate about what you read because you specifically stated that these are the types of posts you’ve been reading lol – I just felt like I hadn’t seen the same thing.  AND, I haven’t seen those posts (not that I recall anyway). 

There are certain expectations and rules for how things are normally done.  But, the key word there is normally.  You said it yourself.  That doesn’t mean everyone does it that way and I’m pretty sure the bees responded to the envelope stuffing girl saying that just because she read it somewhere that it’s what normally happens, doesn’t mean it’s actually what happens all the time or that she should be upset about it. 

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