Post # 1
I am new to all of this wedding stuff, I have only been to one wedding my whole life and it was my fathers when I was 24. I often find myself googling how a lot of things are supposed to be done but I just use it as a guideline, ultimately I am going to do what ever I want just because… that’s what I want. I have only been on this site for two days but almost every single post I read either the person posting or someone commenting says… Well the bridesmaids are supposed to… or the Father is supposed to pay for this… or typically its done this way. I find it really odd that some one would not only expect something to be done a certain way just because that is how everyone else is doing it, or comment and suggest that a person should change what they want because it should be done a particular way. Do we have that many brides on here that obsess about doing things a certain way because thats what people say you should do? I am not talking about traditions that are specific to your culture or heritage that is perfectly fine, I am talking about only using approve wording for invites, holding Maid/Matron of Honor and bridemaids to stupid tasks, expecting a parent to pay for a set amount?????
Post # 3
I feel like I’ve actually had the quite opposite experience on this site. Most members do have knowledge of what is traditionally done, but they have been very accepting and supportive of me going against the grain, or offering advice to suggest that an untraditional approach will turn out just fine. A lot of people may only know the traditional ways of completing wedding tasks. I hope that you have a good experience though on the weddingbee through your wedding planning process. The bees have come to my rescue more times than I can count, and I should make most of them my bridesmaids at this point!
Post # 4
I think it depends on the context of the post. Many bees freely admit they are clueless and are asking for advice.
Some bees are also completely oblivious when it comes to etiquette. Etiquette is not about rules on how to do things. It is about how to be gracious and not hurt other people’s feelings unnecessarily. Etiquette changes over time. If someone mentions that their plan is not how things are done, and they still want to do it, then they are making a conscious decision and can prepare themselves for the consequences.
Some bees also need to be disabused of some notion they are holding. We have had many bees upset because ” the parents should be paying for this”. They benefit from someone else orienting them to the real world. When they hear from a number of bees that their thoughts are incorrect, they may be able to give them up and move on.
I honestly don’t see many posts where bees are chastized for their choices just because they are different.
Post # 5
Everything I know about weddings, I learned from the Bee. I come here to find out how things are normally done. That said, I hear from Fiance very frequently,”I’ve only ever seen it done this way,” and it drives me nuts! For example, I suggested that we do Jenga blocks for a guest book instead of, well, a guest book. FI was really against it because all 26 weddings he has been to in the last several years all had guest books. I told him we would never look at it again, as it serves no real purpose but to gather dust. At least with Jenga, we could play a game on our anniversary every year or something. Sadly, it took a Google image search of Jenga block guest book to convince him of the awesomeness of the idea.
There are many little things that throw him off about my ideas, but I see it as a way to be somewhat original. I haven’t been to more than 1 wedding my entire life, so it’s like I am a blank slate. My family isn’t full of the marrying kind. I hope that my oddness is just something he also loves about me. I think it is, but he is just so darned concerned about what others think.
Currently, the thing is the card box. I hate most card boxes. FI thinks it is absolutely necessary that we have a box with a slit in top, because that’s all he’s ever seen. I tell him I don’t care about alll that. I suspect this will be just one of those differences that will stick around: I am unconventional, and he is very traditional. I respect his ideas, but I don’t think that we should be the same as everyone else just because.
To sum up, I hate the phrase, “But I have only ever seen it done this way…”
Post # 6
@SweetandSimple: LOL THANK YOU! I feel like everyone else took my post the wrong way! I have just come across a lot of comments or posts where people are so torn with what they want and what they should do… I am also new to all this wedding stuff and don’t get me wrong I love planning my wedding it is so FUN… but so far everything has been about us not about how it’s supposed to be done… It give us endless possiblities …. which can be hard but we know that in the end its just going to be fun!
Post # 7
@alikat2014: I feel like everyone else took my post the wrong way!
Only 2 people who didn’t agree with you posted a response.
Post # 8
I don’t think anyone holds people to any sort of expectations here. I notice the bees saying things like, “Traditionally, the bride’s father pays for the wedding, but that’s not how it’s done anymore” or something like that.
I think we all recognize what traditions and rules of etiquette exist and keep it in the back of our minds.
I’m certainly not having a traditional wedding, but I still want to follow certain rules when it comes to some things. For ex, I’m having a destination wedding, so I’m going to follow the rule of how far in advance to send the invites (6-8months). Also, I’m Maid/Matron of Honor for my friend’s wedding; normally, I’d have to pay for her bridal shower, but we all know I couldn’t afford the one she would like to have and so I’m helping plan it, but someone else is paying for it.
I think it’s good to note traditions and etiquette, etc. because some people do expect things to be that way and it’s good to know where it comes from.
Post # 9
Hmmmm, I found that as a whole, WB has been very supportive of everyone’s ideas even if it goes against tradition.
Post # 10
I’ve seen it plenty…but once you get your groove on her it bugs you less. You pick your battles more. Really it took me over a year to stop being really offended. I even posted about how to not get pissed at the bee. I felt like my “against the grain” attitude was always matched with a well it’s actually “supposed to be…” and I’d say well just because it’s been that way doesn’t make it right etc etc..
Now I don’t really care, I’m not so invested because most of our planning is done. It was more stressful when I was actually trying to get support and not debate.
I realized there is a difference between how things are said, when someone says THIS IS RIGHT vs. someone saying I think this because…it makes a difference in how I take in the information. The latter I am more willing to consider.
Post # 11
@julies1949: lol and that would be everyone else… Did I miss something, everyone else that commented took it the wrong way.. I did not say every single person who has an account took it the wrong way.. The post was not a debate about what I observed on the site… The question was are you really obsessing about what should or shouldn’t be done.
Post # 12
I don’t think I would ask for advise I didn’t need.
I understand people have different ideas and visons for their wedding.. If we didn’t every wedding would look exactly the same.
If I need to know when to send out the invitations and some says typically it… I would say AWESOME! Thanks. If I said look at the cake my sister paid for I love it’s beautiful! and some one commented, Your sister is not supposed to pay for the cake or you are not supposed to have a purple cake when your colors are black and green. I think that is kind of odd for them to even comment when I didn’t ask,
I understand how the site works, I clearly stated that I understand tradition. That was not what the post is about.
Post # 13
@alikat2014: Maybe it would be helpful if you pointed us to a post like that. I’ve really never seen bees here offer up advice when it’s not asked for or when the OP isn’t venting about something.
Post # 14
@alikat2014: I don’t have a problem with people not doing things the traditional way on their big day…I mean it’s not really any of my business how they want to have their wedding. The only thing I am anal about is stuff that I consider to be rude or tacky. Things I wouldn’t have any qualms about calling my friends out on. Eg- three bridal showers, not paying for wedding party’s outfits etc but I guess you could say that these are things not accepted in my country.
Look at me, sounding all reasonable. In reality, there are probably a million trivial things that I would not let be a part of my wedding, but I’m a pretty irritable person around pretty much everyone but first graders.
Post # 15
@futuremrsk18: Venting is the worst! a bride crying because she had to stuff envelopes alone and her Maid/Matron of Honor and bridemaids should have done it. Venting or not she read that, that was the “maids” job, if she didn’t read that she wouldn’t have expected it.
Another bride asking for wording and everyone telling her not to include parents because they didn’t pay and the poster said numerous time she was including them and just needed wording not to be told other wise.
Almost every single post I browsed through last night I saw these comments. I am not going to go search for them, I am not sure why this has turned in to debate about what I read??
Post # 16
@alikat2014: Why are you so defensive? This is a debate about what you read because you specifically stated that these are the types of posts you’ve been reading lol – I just felt like I hadn’t seen the same thing. AND, I haven’t seen those posts (not that I recall anyway).
There are certain expectations and rules for how things are normally done. But, the key word there is normally. You said it yourself. That doesn’t mean everyone does it that way and I’m pretty sure the bees responded to the envelope stuffing girl saying that just because she read it somewhere that it’s what normally happens, doesn’t mean it’s actually what happens all the time or that she should be upset about it.