- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2009
When I moved to FL in 2003, I soon learned that there was such a thing as a dry wedding. Coming from a large Catholic family, I just thought alcohol was a standard wedding reception thing. I was taken aback by stories of wedding receptions with no cocktails and… no dancing?? Seemed crazy.
The idea has become more acceptable to me – to each their own – but I knew it’d never go over with my family.
So here I am planning my own wedding, spending more of my parents’ money than I’d like to, but I’m fulfilling expectations (from both large Catholic families!), and it’s going to be a heck of a party.
Now, I’m running into another issue. I’m not sure if it’s a southern/northern difference or what – but one of my bridesmaids assumed that the Maid/Matron of Honor paid completely for the shower and bachelorette party. She claims to have been in close to 13 weddings, and says that she’s never been expected to pay for anything but her attire and a gift, except when she was Maid/Matron of Honor, when she apparently paid for everything.
This Bridesmaid or Best Man has recently decided she’s not willing to shell out the cash to fly to the shower, and therefore assumed that she should not have to pay at all. I’m really upset by the "fight" we had about it, because we both feel like we are right.
Is this a cultural difference? I’ve been in 3 weddings and have chipped in for the shower, bachelorette party, my attire and given gifts for each. I thought it was understood that the obligations of being a bridesmaid can get a little pricey – it’s not like being an usher and just showing up for the bachelor party and wearing a monkey suit.
I would love to have enough money to pay for things for my bridesmaids, but I don’t make a lot, and like I said, the wedding budget is going toward fulfilling expectations and throwing a party – then having an awesome honeymoon in NYC. We are already stretching a small-ish budget, I just can’t pay for things for my bridesmaids.
My mom is paying for the majority of the shower – so the girls will have to pay a max of $75 a piece, probably. I gave them color swatches and let them pick out whatever dress they wanted from wherever they want. I don’t care if they get their hair done by the stylist I hired, or wear it in a ponytail, honestly. I feel like I’ve tried really hard to let them determine their own budgets, since our wedding involves travel – now the fact that this Bridesmaid or Best Man is so thrown by having to pay for one more thing is really concerning me.
Ok. this turned out longer than expected. I guess I needed to vent, too..
My main question is – is this a regional or cultural difference? Is one of us right or wrong in our expectations? Should I have been clearer from the beginning and not assumed that there was an understanding?