Post # 1
When I was around 8 weeks, two of my nosy coworkers bombarded me and flat out asked me if I was expecting. I lied and said no. At that point, it’s really none of their business. I’m not having MS so they really had no reason to ask other than knowing that me and Darling Husband have been married for a year now.
Last week, I had an ob appointment that took longer than expected. It was a midday appointment so I got back to the office later than normal. Because I was late and everything at the appointment went fairly well and tomorrow I’m 13 weeks (yay!), I figured I should tell my boss. He was pretty happy and very supportive. I had a planned vacation day on Friday so today was my first day back.
My manager asks me if I’ve shared the news with anyone and I say not yet. He says those same two coworkers were being forceful and asked him if I’m pregnant! The audacity….how rude?! It is still none of their business! I don’t get why either? One does the same job as me and the other has a different level of work so there is no need to want my position.
I was planning on announcing it to everyone at our xmas party but it’s a little anticlimactic now. In some way, I also want to tell them that it’s very rude to ask a woman if she’s pregnant and especially by being so persistent about it. Even my family wasn’t like that! Any suggestions on what to say to them? Should I have a private conversation with these two after I reveal and tell them I didn’t like their questioning?
Post # 3
@sassyt: Ummm, maybe they were trying to find out because someone is going to have to pick up the slack while you’re out on maternity leave and that takes some coordinated planning and time…
Post # 4
@sassyt: What PP said about them trying to plan is possible so maybe keep that in mind.
In other news, the way they were asking and even asking other people about it (who probably don’t know either), is very rude of them. I don’t blame you for feeling like your life has being nosed in on, that would definitely bother me too. I would go ahead with the reveal, but leave out the private convo towards those coworkers. Hopefully an official announcement will shut them up.
HOWEVER, if they continue to nose into your business and such in a way that makes you uncomfortable, I would have a talk with them.
Post # 5
@sassyt: congrats!! Tell them when you’re comfortable. I didn’t even tell my boss until 18 weeks when I started to show. It’s very rude of them to continually ask about it. I would hve lied too. I probably wouldn’t say anything to them though, what’s done is done.
@Nona99: it’s still none of their business To ask about it especially this early on. Technically all you have to give is 30 days notice Usually for FMLA and STD. And that is to her boss not her colleagues. she has zero obligation to tell her coworkers.
Post # 6
@Nona99: If I worked at a smaller company I could see that. But, I work in a large cooperation and HR would find a replacement for me for the time I take for maternity leave. Luckily, the summer months is a slow period in my work so there wouldn’t be much slack for them to pick up anyways. And even so, that is at least 6 months away. Why stress over something that is not immediate? I can certainly handle my job as is without needing additional help right now and in the coming months.
My issue with it is, pregnant or not, as an outsider, you don’t if I’m having a hard time conceiving or if I’m experiencing complications. Still no ones business unless I’ve disclosed that to you.
Post # 7
@GooteyBootey: Thanks! Hopefully it will shut them up lol
@MrsWBS: Thanks! It’s such a relief to be in the safe zone! I’m not even showing yet but if I was, I could see why they would ask. When I’m more comfortable, I’ll tell them and the rest of my team.
Post # 8
That is SO obnoxious!
I wouldn’t talk to them about it… They were probably just excited! But you’re right, it’s still super rude!
Post # 9
Unlike some of the PPs, I think your co-workers were pretty rude about the whole situation. You are 13 weeks pregnant, and there will be plenty of time for them to plan your maternity leave if you tell them at your work’s Christmas party. I don’t get it that everyone thinks it is their right to know the minute that you conceive a child. You were 100% right for wanting to keep it on the DL until you were at least 12 weeks pregnant. I haven’t been pregnant yet, but I don’t think I will even tell close family members until I am 12 weeks to save the heartache of having to tell them bad news if a MC happened. That would mean that friends/coworkers/etc. would have to wait even longer than 12 weeks to hear the news.
Post # 10
I’m in a similar situation at 8 weeks. I refuse to say a word to any of my coworkers since 1.) its not their business and 2.) I work in the schools and I’m due in the summer so no one has to worry about picking up the slack for me. I’ve decided that I will tell my boss after Christmas break and then let everyone else figure it out on their own. I feel like the only reason people want to know is to be nosy most times anyway.
Post # 11
@sassyt: While I agree they were rude, I don’t think you should say anything. If they come up to you and say something then I’d let them have it with both barrels, but unless that happens I would just leave it alone. They are just nosy and who knows why.
Post # 12
I am in a similar boat. I told the owners of the clinic I work at as I am having some all day sickness and my doctor (who I think is being far too cautious) put me on a lifting restriction after I had some spotting a few weeks ago. I am 11 weeks tomorrow. This has somehow turned into the worst kept secret ever and I think everyone knows and is pretending not to know. So any time anyone asks “So whats new?” I blatently lie to them and they know it!
Post # 13
If I were in your place I would put off telling them for a while, purely because they are being so obnoxious about it! But, ya know, I am just stubborn that way. Good luck!
Post # 14
Ugh that is beyond unprofessional and rude. Even if they were trying to figure it out for their own work load purposes it still does not make it at all appropriate.
I can very easily see my co-workers doing this as well. I work in a very small office and any time I have food poisoning or stomach illness my manager asks if I am pregnant. Really!?! Like I would tell you anyway! Not acceptable, not appropriate. When I tell you is when you will know, not a moment sooner!
Post # 15
Yeah, I don’t think they were interrogating you or the boss for “planning” purposes. I think 1. people like to gossip and 2. they may have perceived that if they could plant the idea in the boss’ head that you are or were soon going to be pregnant, it would result in more favorable treatment to them (who presumably are not and will not be pregnant soon)–better assignments, better treatment, etc. I tend to be very cynical about people’s motives. There’s no excuse for them going behind your back.
That said, I wouldn’t confront them about it, unless it’s in passing, like, “Well since I hear you were so curious that you asked Gary if he knew anything about it, you’ll be excited to know that yes in fact I am pregnant.” Ha ha. That’s just me though.
Post # 16
@megz06: That’s true. I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.
@hippomama: lol , that’s a great response!