Post # 31
I do agree with PP that you are being a tad sensitive. But, I also think it is important that you are comfortable and get along with your child care provider. It sounds like Cheryl is good at her job, but may not be the best fit for you. I would personally start interviewing others. You can takes this as a learning experience and make sure you find a provider that is willing to fill out your notebook and listen to your requests.
Post # 32
I think you and Cheryl have a personality clash. Most of what you’re describing doesn’t actually sound like a big problem, but everything you say lands the wrong way with her, and everything she says lands the wrong way with you. And then there’s the overdressing – I imagine your daughter must be very uncomfortable dressed too warm, and for me this would be a (small) hill to die on.
The fact that Cheryl has a good reputation is a big deal to me. I’ve heard enough horror stories about small day cares, and it sets my mind at rest some that a day care has been around for a long time and people speak well of it. Maybe it’s worth giving this arrangement more time to see if you and Cheryl develop a better relationship… it took us months to really adjust to day care. But if you decide you’d rather have someone else care for your daughter, don’t feel bad about that.
Post # 33
While I agree with everyone that you’re being sensitive, I just want to say that I so get you! It’s hard, all of it. You are obviously a very good, loving mother. It gets (slightly) easier…hang in there.
Post # 34
I might be crazy I guess, but I kept track of my daughter’s naps, diapers, bottle feedings, and meals until she was 1. It absolutely helped me know how much milk I had to pump, how her schedule was evolving, and if she was well. It also helped me answer questions for the pediatrician, and easily identify when she developed allergies. It also helped me give instructions to family members babysitting. I used a phone app and it seriously took like 10 seconds out of my day. I don’t see why she would refuse to do this. I would ask again, personally.
Also, I used to work at a daycare center and there were 2 caregivers for 8 infants. We tracked everything on a sheet that was sent home every day. Easy peasy. This woman doesn’t sound terrible, but it is clear you aren’t happy. I would start looking for someone who gives you a better feeling.
Post # 35
I definitely don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her to write down how much baby is eating and when especially if you are breastfeeding/pumping. When I (with hesitation) asked my babysitter to write down she quickly responded with, “Sure that’s what you pay me to do.” That really resonated with me. Would you tell your own boss no and it takes too much time? FWIW, she’s 60 and been babysitting her whole life. A good babysitter would understand the importance to you and find the time to write it down. However, as far as writing down naps, diaper, etc., I have to agree she’s not a newborn and that doesn’t need tracked, unless she’s having problems gaining weight.
Post # 36
You do sound a little sensitive, but I wouldn’t like some of the things she’s doing either.
You’re the one paying her. If you want notes of when/how much you baby eats, poops, whatever, she should take 2 seconds to write down “2:00 – 3 oz.” It’s not asking that much.
You need to just put your foot down and tell her what you want IMO. “Cheryl, my husband and I would really appreciate it if you could write down when she eats or poops. We’d like to have a record of what’s going on during the day so we’re in the loop of her day-to-day care. Thanks.” If she refuses to accommodate even simple requests, I would find new child care.
I absolutely would not want my baby bundled up all day with her hands covered. Can you just not send that thick outfit? Or is she using something or her own? She should turn up her heat if a baby can’t be comfortable in a sleeper.
Just fyi—I’m not sure what type of car seat cover you have, but nothing should be between the baby and the actual seat.
Post # 37
Yes, I think you’re too sensitive. And trust and believe, I would rather have someone care ‘too much’. However, I think being a little more assertive can also help? I would have had an issue with the temperature part. You are the parent of course and I would have simply told Cheryl that I do not want my child covered up that much because of the way her temperature increases. And why do you feel this need to appease Cheryl?” It’s like you need her to show you that she thinks you are a good mother? And your last post summed it up. It’s because you feel guilty you aren’t a good mother.Trust me, your feelings are normal and the fact that you care so much says volumes about the kind of mother you are. Dont take it to heart. At times, as a parent, you would feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. But, it’s just part of the process.
Post # 38
Thank you everyone for your responses. I definitely am being too sensitive and I just need to let it go. I don’t have to love her, like someone here said. She is awesome to my daughter, which is what matters.
Post # 39
I think you are being a bit of a helicopter parent. I can’t imagine watching a kid and having to write down everytime he or she poops or pees. That would be a solid no from me as well. You seem like the type of person that would freak if your kid ate a gummy bear off the floor and lathers them in hand santizer. It’s gonna get worse when they are older and actually can get into things if you don’t calm down and take a breath now. However, if you’re not comfortable with her, you’re not comfortable with her.
Post # 40
Having read the comments, it seems that most of those who find your reaction too sensitive aren’t moms (or at least moms to young babies). So, I just wanted to reassure you that it’s okay to worry about the provider and to be sensitive to the situation — these are tough days of adjustment! I left my daughter at daycare for about three hours on the first day — to get a massage! — and I cried the night before, the morning of, walking out of the daycare, and then again when I got her home (but that was also the first time I saw recognition in her eyes and it was awesome). Haha, those crazy hormones and conflicting feelings… Anyway, I think you’ve generally been given good advice about not taking it too personally, limit your personal details in conversations, and judge based off of your baby and your gut. Whether you stay there or go elsewhere, the situation will get easier. Good luck, mama!
Post # 41
We don’t hear the tone, but it sounds like Cheryl likes to stay inside. So if it’s cold or someone is sick she jumps on the chance to not go out.
It doesn’t mean she’s being judgemental about your parenting – just more not really getting why you won’t take any reason to stay in if you can.
The car seat cover thing just makes it sound like she’s observant.
Post # 42
I think it will be easier on you to have someone who you feel like you can be straightforward with and who is straightforward with you. Unless you really believe this same analysis and self-consciousness would happen with any caretaker. If nothing else, be more assertive with what you think matters, like the notebook. You are the mother. She may have a lot of experience, but you have the maternal instinct for your child specifically. It may just be an imbalance in assertiveness between you both.
Post # 43
It’s hard being a new mum and having to leave your baby. I’m sure she means well (like most experienced older women who share their opinions do) but doesn’t realise that you’re taking her comments to heart. It’s okay to be sensitive, be kind to yourself. Just ignore her comments, you know you are doing a great job! Just remember you are the one paying her, don’t be shy to speak up for yourself x
Post # 44
Update: I was being too sensitive and it was just tough leaving the baby. Daycare lady has been fine since I loosened up and she is great to my baby. Thanks for the input everyone.
Post # 45
I remember your original post, although I didn’t reply. I’m really glad to hear things are working out!