(Closed) Not a bridesmaid the second time…is this bad?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Relationships change & since you aren’t close to her any longer, I, personally don’t think she should assume she would be a bridesmaid or be upset that she is not. I would hope that she would be mature enough to simply ask you if you have chosen your bridesmaids yet. Since she hasn’t, if it is really bothering you, you can broach the subject. The next time she asks about the wedding plans, just casually say something like, “Remember the first time around when we…” and reference her past bridesmaid experience. At that point she should either inquire about her status or you can follow it up with something like, “I really appreciated you being in my wedding party back then and I still appreciate your friendship and am so glad you’ll be a guest at my wedding. At least this time you get to pick your own dress” or something like that.

Good luck!

Post # 4
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sure that she, like you, is able to tell that your relationship has changed. She may not be happy about it, but I’m sure that she is on the same page. 

It may not hurt to bring it up, since it seems like dodging the subject is also hurting your friendship. I agree with Tootietoo that bringing it up the next time she asks about planning is a good option. You could just say something like “I’m so glad you can come to the wedding. Your friendship has meant so much to me over the years …  I hope that you’re not offended  that I didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid this time around… you did so much the last time and I am so grateful.” At least that gives her the option to be honest in return. 

Post # 5
34 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

You are not doing anything wrong. Things change, life happens and relationships mature, sometimes the way you wish they would [remaining close] and sometimes not. It’s just how it happens ya know? It sucks, trust me, I know. But don’t you think it would be more awkward for both of you if she was? 

Definitely don’t avoid the subject, talk about your wedding planning and how it’s going. If it becomes really awkward, talk to her about it. Just because she’s not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you can’t rekindle that close friendship you once had, ya know? Just be honest with her and let her be honest with you. 

Good luck!

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