Post # 1
This is my second marriage. My friend was a bridesmaid in my first wedding, because we were a lot closer. We would hang out and do double date things often. Now, she has a kid and her hubby is weirded out by me having a new fiance. We don’t speak that often, and she never calls me. I think she is mad at me because I did not ask her to be in my wedding this time around…she asks me how my wedding planning is going, and I awkwardly change the subject. I feel really bad because I don’t want to be a shady friend. However, we are just not that close anymore…am I doing the right thing, or should I have asked her to be a bridesmaid? Should I bring this up to her and explain my reasoning? I don’t want this to come in the middle of our friendship and hurt her feelings…Please help!
Post # 3
Relationships change & since you aren’t close to her any longer, I, personally don’t think she should assume she would be a bridesmaid or be upset that she is not. I would hope that she would be mature enough to simply ask you if you have chosen your bridesmaids yet. Since she hasn’t, if it is really bothering you, you can broach the subject. The next time she asks about the wedding plans, just casually say something like, “Remember the first time around when we…” and reference her past bridesmaid experience. At that point she should either inquire about her status or you can follow it up with something like, “I really appreciated you being in my wedding party back then and I still appreciate your friendship and am so glad you’ll be a guest at my wedding. At least this time you get to pick your own dress” or something like that.
Post # 4
I’m sure that she, like you, is able to tell that your relationship has changed. She may not be happy about it, but I’m sure that she is on the same page.
It may not hurt to bring it up, since it seems like dodging the subject is also hurting your friendship. I agree with Tootietoo that bringing it up the next time she asks about planning is a good option. You could just say something like “I’m so glad you can come to the wedding. Your friendship has meant so much to me over the years … I hope that you’re not offended that I didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid this time around… you did so much the last time and I am so grateful.” At least that gives her the option to be honest in return.
Post # 5
You are not doing anything wrong. Things change, life happens and relationships mature, sometimes the way you wish they would [remaining close] and sometimes not. It’s just how it happens ya know? It sucks, trust me, I know. But don’t you think it would be more awkward for both of you if she was?
Definitely don’t avoid the subject, talk about your wedding planning and how it’s going. If it becomes really awkward, talk to her about it. Just because she’s not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you can’t rekindle that close friendship you once had, ya know? Just be honest with her and let her be honest with you.