- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
Where do I even start with this one….I know how the bee is about “do-overs” and “second weddings”, so I hesitate to even write this post, but I’m feeling so conflicted and wanted some views to help me reason this out in my brain.
*VERY LONG BACKSTORY*
I met my (now) husband nearly a year ago, and at first, we were just having fun, going out on the nights I didn’t have my daughter (from a previous very bad relationship), etc. Then it morphed into him coming for dinner while my daughter was with me. They got along really well, he was very accepting of the fact I had a daughter.
Sex was (& still is) one of our favorite pasttimes (when we were alone obviously), and then, because we weren’t being very vigilant (and yes, kind of stupid), I found out I was pregnant (over a month later). I met his family, and made the decision to move out of my apartment (one bedroom, very cramped, ill maintained, in a not so good part of town) with him (brand new, two bedroom townhouse, better area, etc).
Everything was just chugging along fine (a bit rocky in the early days, because I’m terrible with communication, and he’s a HUGE stickler for talking things out), we found a midwife to have the homebirth that I wanted (like I did with my first daughter), we were looking at houses, and not really even discussing the engagement/marriage thing until after the baby came.
And then he was offered a FANTASTIC position at a company with better benefits/pay….in Alabama. We currently live in Wisconsin. It took me a long time, but I finally came to the conclusion that this was better for our family, and he accepted the job. Well, my daughter’s father, when notified about the move, all of a sudden decided, yea, he wanted to be a part of his kid’s life (after doing the very bare minimum since she was born…part of the reason we broke up), and is fighting me for custody of her. He (meaning my husband) moved down to Alabama to start the job, while I stayed here to fight my ex.
So, my boyfriend proposes…and we decide to do a simple courthouse wedding…for the custody battle, for insurance, etc. I was (and still am!) very happy with the decision.
*TL;DR version – met guy, got pregnant, moved in, he took a job out of state, I’m fighting custody for my daughter from an old relationship, decided to do a courthouse wedding*
So, here is my dilemma. I still kind of want the big white wedding…the dress, the shoes, the jewelry, bridesmaids, and my dad walking me down the aisle. My Mother-In-Law (whom I love dearly), and hubby are both telling me to plan it for next year, do it on our anniversary, and have the best of both worlds.
I go back and forth between, YES, I get to plan a wedding, and buy a dress, and try cakes, and!!!! Then I think to myself, I had a wedding, I had a first kiss, etc.
Because of the other factors at play, none of my family (all back in Wyoming/Montana) were able to come. My Mother-In-Law was there only because we decided to do the wedding the Friday before my baby shower that she was throwing (hubby was back in town from Alabama for the shower).
I’m so at odds with the whole situation…I was primed to wait until the baby was born to have the wedding, so we could do the whole traditional white wedding thing, but because of the other factors, it happened like it did. And I’m completely over the moon to have met this guy, marry him, and be having a family with him!
But is it strange to do the “wedding” after the official wedding?
- This topic was modified 3 years ago by cjkostuch.