(Closed) Not a do-over, not a vow renewal…. ?

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 2
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Half Moon Bay

From what I have seen so far on this site, everyone will tell you you’re selfish or some crap but I say do what makes you happy and if you want a white dress, garter, veil and the whole deal, do it! If your hubby and parents are game, then why not?

If the first kiss and all that bothers you, then I would just call it a celebration or vow renewal but you can do it any way you want. Miss manners be damned.

Post # 3
47190 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cjkostuch:  Everyone chooses their own priorities. As a single parent, my choice was to build up my emergency savings account, contribute to my RSP, and contribute to my children’s Education Savings Plans, rather than have a fancy wedding.

You can do whatever you choose with your money.

Post # 4
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t understand why you can’t call it a vow renewal and do what you want….

Post # 5
1711 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know several couples that had their big white wedding a year or two after the state/federal paperwork part was done. 

On the opposite end, some people do the wedding and get the legal paperwork done later, or not at all. 

If you want a “wedding”, go for it! 🙂 

Post # 6
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We did something similar. We got married at the courthouse with no one present (well, except for the clerk’s two interns for witnesses haha) and had the wedding the next summer. The way we saw it, it wasn’t a “vow renewal” as we never made vows to each other in the courthouse. We signed paperwork. It was far more significant to us that our loved ones be present to witness us actually make some vows to each other, so it was our wedding. 

I’m glad you’re finding happiness!

Post # 7
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If having the later ceremony will be meaningful for you, I say go for it! I’ve also known of lots of couples who have done this and been very happy with it… And conversely I’ve known some who were happy to have just the courthouse part and didn’t see the need for anything else. It’s all in what works for you. 🙂

Post # 8
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My guy and I are having a private commitment ceremony to celebrate both our anniversary and overcoming a difficult year, and though we’re not getting legally married we’re still having it officiated by an ordained minister. However, we too still want to have the big wedding with guests and all the good stuff that comes with it when we decide were ready to make it legal. Were keeping the commitment ceremony private because we didnt want people to think we were crazy for inviting them to the same party twice. That being said, the big wedding is most likely going to be a vow renewal/anniversary party. 

And you know what? When it comes to anything wedding related, people are always gonna talk crap no matter what you do because everybody has their own ideas of how weddings are “supposed” to be done. So in the end, if you want to have two events to make things official, then go for it. If you decide later on that you were content with the courthouse ceremony, then thats okay too. Its your life, youre not obligated to do anything you dont want to do.

Post # 9
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Your situation isn’t unique. Everyone thinks they are the exception, but I have yet to read an actual unique situation that would warrant it.

At the end of the day, you are married. You are no longer a bride, you are a wife. It will look very gift grabby to have another ‘wedding’ and invite everyone. I assume everyone already knows you’re married, so at least you won’t be lying to anyone.

I don’t see why you wouldn’t just do a vow renewal though.

Post # 11
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

cjkostuch:  I said it will LOOK gift grabby. People will get an invite and be like ‘Wait, aren’t they already married? Should we go? What do we give as a gift?’

Obviously your fake wedding/do-over/vow renewal will have absolutely 0% affect on me, I am just telling you what people might think when it happens.

Post # 12
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

cjkostuch:  I don’t see why you can’t do what you want! If both your families are on board, why not? Do what makes you both happy.

I will say this, I came to WB with the intention of planning a vow renewal. Once I realized the cost of things, I down graded to an anniversary party and pro pics for our tenth. I realized the cost of a wedding wasn’t worth it when I am already married. I was happy with my elopement though, so I might feel different if that wasn’t the case. 

Post # 14
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

cjkostuch:  I think it’s perfectly logical for you to plan your proper wedding as you didn’t get one in the first place. That it’s a year later I don’t think matters or necessitate it being labelled a vow renewal. It seems vastly different from someone wanting a do-over just because a few things didn’t go as planned in their event that was meant to be their one and only wedding. Here it is more like you technically got married to sort out some practicalities in your life, and there is no reason not to stick to your initial timeline and idea for the big celebration. Do it all!!

I’m actually going to one of these in a few weeks and have just seen their courthouse wedding photos with their nearest family – and I can’t wait to watch them promise themselves to each other at the big ceremony coming up in a few weeks and celebrate in style in the way they have planned for so long! Both these ceremonies are abroad in two different countries, the small legal courthouse one was held in his country and the Big Wedding with all the bells and whistles is happening in her country with friends and family and a secular officiator of some kind. Whatever works! 


Post # 15
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018


Contrary to what was previously mentioned, I don’t think it will look “gift grabby” at all. I think every woman deserves her bridal moment. You had to skip out on that for personal reasons but I don’t think it is at all too late. I would assume since your Darling Husband has a better job, you guys already have everything that would typically be included on a registry so instead of gifts, you could always just not register (and maybe receive some cash gifts) or ask that family members bring a covered dish instead of a gift (since you’re already married, this could also help cover costs and yummy homemade food is always a good idea). I would say go for it and enjoy the whole shebang, you deserve it! 🙂

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