Post # 17
Whew! I sent him this email today….
I guess what I wanted to know after our breakfast today is if you believe in marriage or not? Seems like living together is all you are looking for at this point in your life and if I am wrong about that I would like to know.
Yes, I believe in marriage and that is the top goal for me in my life. I wouldn’t want to live with someone if I didn’t think there was marriage potential for the relationship. With you, obviously, I believe there is that potential. For me, I see living with someone as the next step in a relationship. I know that you feel differently and I can respect that. It’s not a big issue for me.
And yes I emailed because I didn’t want to get overly emotional and I wanted a straight answer but we don’t normally communicate this way.
Again thanks ladies for helping me keep my cool!
Post # 18
That was a good response from VikingPrince! Very positive… did it help ease your concerns?
Post # 19
I also agree that 9 months might be a bit early. But on the other hand the two of you are no spring chickens.
I say give until at least you guys have been together a year then lay your cards on the table.
Post # 20
I think its just ingrained in guys heads that marriage is a scary thing. I’ve been through a lot with my BF. We’ve lived together, broke up, got back together and are now living together again. He has told me up and down that I’m the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. He’s not scared at all about having kids (which I’m terrifed about) but has this fear about actually being married. He’s even admitted that its not at all rational. He has no problems planning a ceremony and reception with me now before we’re even officially engaged but in the back of his head theres still that bit of fear. When he admitted this at first I really freaked out but now I realize it really is probably just a guy thing and the more we plan the more he becomes comfortable with it.
As much as it drives you crazy, and I know it does I’ve been there, you just gotta give him time. My guy saw the people around him being together for 5+ years and somehow got it stuck in his head that 5 years is an acceptable time to be together before getting engaged, so ya never know what might be influencing his thoughts on marriage.
Post # 21
9 months might not seem like a long enough time for some guys to think about Marriage. My BF also felt we should live together before marriage and of course like a sucker I agreed and now we’ve been living together for the past 3 years and my finger is still naked! He has already bought my ring so I know its only a matter of time but my point is…just because he wants to live together first doesnt mean he doesnt believe in marriage. It is your personal choice, if you are willing to bend your beliefs a bit and move in first .
Post # 22
We talked some more about it last night. He called to follow up on the email. Again he reiterated that not living together was fine. I’m not willing to bend. I also told him that we see each other enough that he knows what he is getting into and vice-versa.
Post # 23
@vikingprincess: way to go with the email, when i sent mine it made me feel very relaxed to let him know this is where i stand.. i hope that your email gave you the same sense of relaxation.
Post # 24
viking – good that you sent an email and for holding your ground. he should respect that. i do agree w/miss doodles though – i think some guys for whatever bizarre reason have in their heads when the “appropriate” time/age/etc. is to get married. i was at bar once with my BF and his co-worker (who we all tease because he claims he’s never going to meet anyone and fall in love ever again) was telling us about his mental timeline, which ended with getting engaged at around the 4 year mark. the whole time he explaining each milestone, he was fearful of getting my man in trouble with me! which is funny because we’ll be hitting the 4 year mark in about 2.5 weeks and, surprise surprise – no ring on my finger! i laughed the whole time because it basically seemed like the timeline most guys i know are on.
sounds like he’ll get there, but he needs some time to process. (((HUGS))) hang in there!
Post # 25
@crebre80 Thanks for the advice! I did feel better but I wish we could actually discuss it rather than email 🙁
@Jaxx317 But what about our timelines. We always have to wait for the guy and it isn’t fair! Such is life I guess!
I’m going to give it another few months before mentioning anything again.