(Closed) Not a good exchange at breakfast today.

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That was a good response from VikingPrince! Very positive… did it help ease your concerns?

Post # 19
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

I also agree that 9 months might be a bit early. But on the other hand the two of you are no spring chickens.

I say give until at least you guys have been together a year then lay your cards on the table.

Post # 20
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2022

I think its just ingrained in guys heads that marriage is a scary thing.  I’ve been through a lot with my BF.  We’ve lived together, broke up, got back together and are now living together again.  He has told me up and down that I’m the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life.  He’s not scared at all about having kids (which I’m terrifed about) but has this fear about actually being married.  He’s even admitted that its not at all rational.  He has no problems planning a ceremony and reception with me now before we’re even officially engaged but in the back of his head theres still that bit of fear.  When he admitted this at first I really freaked out but now I realize it really is probably just a guy thing and the more we plan the more he becomes comfortable with it.

As much as it drives you crazy, and I know it does I’ve been there, you just gotta give him time.  My guy saw the people around him being together for 5+ years and somehow got it stuck in his head that 5 years is an acceptable time to be together before getting engaged, so ya never know what might be influencing his thoughts on marriage.

Post # 21
Member
18 posts
Newbee

9 months might not seem like a long enough time for some guys to think about Marriage. My BF also felt we should live together before marriage and of course like a sucker I agreed and now we’ve been living together for the past 3 years and my finger is still naked! He has already bought my ring so I know its only a matter of time but my point is…just because he wants to live together first doesnt mean he doesnt believe in marriage. It is your personal choice, if you are willing to bend your beliefs a bit and move in first .

Post # 23
Member
5280 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@vikingprincess: way to go with the email, when i sent mine it made me feel very relaxed to let him know this is where i stand.. i hope that your email gave you the same sense of relaxation.

Post # 24
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

viking – good that you sent an email and for holding your ground. he should respect that. i do agree w/miss doodles though – i think some guys for whatever bizarre reason have in their heads when the “appropriate” time/age/etc. is to get married. i was at bar once with my BF and his co-worker (who we all tease because he claims he’s never going to meet anyone and fall in love ever again) was telling us about his mental timeline, which ended with getting engaged at around the 4 year mark. the whole time he explaining each milestone, he was fearful of getting my man in trouble with me! which is funny because we’ll be hitting the 4 year mark in about 2.5 weeks and, surprise surprise – no ring on my finger! i laughed the whole time because it basically seemed like the timeline most guys i know are on.

sounds like he’ll get there, but he needs some time to process. (((HUGS))) hang in there!

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