Post # 1
Our first anniversary is on Sunday. I feel horrible, because I feel like we should be celebrating. But, right now we’re on a bumpy road. Darling Husband switched jobs in April. Lately, he’s been extremely stressed out & irritable because things aren’t going so well.
What bugs me is that he comes home in such a bad mood because of this all of the time. Lately he hasn’t been very attentive, seems like he is off in another world. He rarely wants to talk or snuggle. I feel like we’re just sitting beside one another, but not really “together”.
Add to this the fact that we’ve also got a lot of financial strain going on. We paid for our wedding completely ourselves. Right after the wedding we had all 3 of our children’s birthdays, then Christmas. Then, in April my brother got married & we went on a cruise for his wedding (right at the time he changed jobs & we were 1 month without his paycheck). Then, our dog got sick & had to have surgery, our a/c went out in our house on July 4th, and my car broke down…. Ugh! Now, we’re struggling to catch up, but it seems like we’ll never get there.
So, here we are, 4 days before our first anniversary, and I just feel like crying…
Post # 3
Can you ask a family member to watch the kids for a couple hours so you and your husband can get out for a few hours? It sounds like you guys need some serious alone time, not just because its your anniversary, but to re-connect. Plan a picnic in the park and take a walk after. Or grab a cheap bottle of wine and go sit at the beach and just talk.
Post # 4
Men tend to pride them selves on being the provider so if you guys are in a financial crunch im sure he is stressing. Marriage is all about being there for each other through the up’s and down’s My advice – take the initiative – get a sitter and plan a nice evening together, even if its sitting at home. One of my favorite at home date nights is moving the coffee table, throwing down our comfortor and a bunch of pillows, order chinese or make something easy, crack open a cheap bottle of wine and watch movies together.
Post # 5
Sorry, it sounds like you guys could use a vacation, but I agree with PP that you should try to make it special without breaking the bank. Can you do something at home to celebrate? Bake a cake and put the ole cake topper on, or make a banner (Martha Stewart Weddings has a super cute template) and hang it in the kitchen. Play your wedding song and look at your photos. 1st anniversary is the paper anniversary so do something with paper. Draw something or make something on the computer to commemorate your first year of marriage. It sounds like year 1 was somewhat stressful but be proud that you’ve gotten through it together, stress and all!
Post # 6
I am so sorry you guys are struggling right now… it’s times like these that can make you realize how strong you’re relationship actually is. Give him space. Men process “life”differently than women do. They need time to work it out in their own way and that usually doesn’t mean talking about it or getting close, which is why it seems like he’s in another world. He might really appreciate the space and then be more willing to meet your needs later on.
I say he needs you right now… my mom always said that you can’t both be down at the same time, one has to pick the other up.
I have to disagree aboutthe taking him out to talk thing… definitely get out alone and do something… but don’t push the talking about it all just yet. I think he needs to work out his end of it in his “man way” and right now talking is the “female way” to process things, so he’s pulling away temporarily. Take him out to do something physical (go carts, golf, batting cage, bowling?) if he likes sports, and then he might be up to the romantic stuff afterwards.
Please don’t laugh at this, but on Teen Mom last night Catelynn planned a surprise for Tyler that seemed pretty cool for him. She planed a surprise ski lesson (not suggesting that you do exactly that) and told him about it, and then said, “Okay, you have to be ready in five minutes, let’s go!” I think he would love the adventure of that and it would take the pressure off him to feel responsible for anything for a while… you could tell him you’ve got a surprise, he’s got to be ready in five minutes and then drive him to __________ (what’s his favorite thing?) Keep it light and fun and energetic. THEN you could bring him home to what the pp suggested… a movie in the living room, or the 1st anniversary decorations. Is there anyone who would sneak in while you guys were out and decorate for you?
Try to remember that all this will pass… it will get better… and in the big scheme of things, it’s really just small stuff (no matter how bad it feels right now).
Post # 7
@totheislnds: EXACTLY!!! (hmmm, guess I could have saved y’all a lot of reading and just agreed with you!)
Post # 8
Thanks so much ladies! I know you’re all right, and he needs to process a lot of this in his own way. I just hate sitting here watching him struggle & not being able to do anything to help. I wish he’d talk to me about some of it, but outside of our regular budget talks, he just hasn’t wanted to open up yet….
On the upside, he did send me a text earlier letting me know that he & his boss had a long talk today & are on the same page. So, I hope this will alleviate some of the work stress.
I’m definitely going to try to plan something fun on Sunday, even if it’s just a date night at home. I might make his favorite cake, german chocolate, and we’ll get some take-out or something.
Post # 9
Sounds good!! You don’t always have to talk to be there for him… just being there goes a long way. Enjoy your day together~ german chocolate~ yum!
Post # 10
Oh, what a sad situation, i’m so sorry to hear it. Financial strain is no joke – isn’t is horrible how it creeps into every aspect of your life?
One thing that has worked well for me and my man when I get the feeling we aren’t communicating well is that I write him a letter and ask him to read it when I’m not around – I think that, while talking is obviously the more direct and effective way to communicate, you never actually know where a conversation will go, and if you’re under lots of strain it can so easily disintigrate into a fight, without either of you getting what you need to off your chest. So, if you can put all your feelings on paper and he can read it without interruption, at least you have made your message clear. For us, a couple of times the letter from me to him has been enough to help to alleviate tension, and sometimes he writes me letters back, or it opens up a conversation.
GOod luck! I’m sure your anniversary will be great. Taking a walk together and having a picnic is a great idea!