(Closed) Not a good way to celebrate our first anniversary….

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

🙁

Can you ask a family member to watch the kids for a couple hours so you and your husband can get out for a few hours?  It sounds like you guys need some serious alone time, not just because its your anniversary, but to re-connect. Plan a picnic in the park and take a walk after. Or grab a cheap bottle of wine and go sit at the beach and just talk.

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Men tend to pride them selves on being the provider so if you guys are in a financial crunch im sure he is stressing. Marriage is all about being there for each other through the up’s and down’s My advice – take the initiative – get a sitter and plan a nice evening together, even if its sitting at home. One of my favorite at home date nights is moving the coffee table, throwing down our comfortor and a bunch of pillows, order chinese or make something easy, crack open a cheap bottle of wine and  watch movies together.

Post # 5
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry, it sounds like you guys could use a vacation, but I agree with PP that you should try to make it special without breaking  the bank. Can you do something at home to celebrate? Bake a cake and put the ole cake topper on, or make a banner (Martha Stewart Weddings has a super cute template) and hang it in the kitchen. Play your wedding song and look at your photos. 1st anniversary is the paper anniversary so do something with paper. Draw something or make something on the computer to commemorate your first year of marriage. It sounds like year 1 was somewhat stressful but be proud that you’ve gotten through it together, stress and all!

Post # 6
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you guys are struggling right now… it’s times like these that can make you realize how strong you’re relationship actually is.  Give him space.  Men process “life”differently than women do.  They need time to work it out in their own way and that usually doesn’t mean talking about it or getting close, which is why it seems like he’s in another world.  He might really appreciate the space and then be more willing to meet your needs later on.

I say he needs you right now… my mom always said that you can’t both be down at the same time, one has to pick the other up.

I have to disagree aboutthe taking him out to talk thing… definitely get out alone and do something… but don’t push the talking about it all just yet.  I think he needs to work out his end of it in his “man way”  and right now talking is the “female way” to process things, so he’s pulling away temporarily.  Take him out to do something physical (go carts, golf, batting cage, bowling?) if he likes sports, and then he might be up to the romantic stuff afterwards.

Please don’t laugh at this, but on Teen Mom last night Catelynn planned a surprise for Tyler that seemed pretty cool for him.  She planed a surprise ski lesson (not suggesting that you do exactly that) and told him about it, and then said, “Okay, you have to be ready in five minutes, let’s go!”  I think he would love the adventure of that and it would take the pressure off him to feel responsible for anything for a while… you could tell him you’ve got a surprise, he’s got to be ready in five minutes and then drive him to __________ (what’s his favorite thing?)  Keep it light and fun and energetic.  THEN you could bring him home to what the pp suggested… a movie in the living room, or the 1st anniversary decorations.  Is there anyone who would sneak in while you guys were out and decorate for you? 

Try to remember that all this will pass… it will get better… and in the big scheme of things, it’s really just small stuff (no matter how bad it feels right now). 

 

Post # 7
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@totheislnds:  EXACTLY!!!  (hmmm, guess I could have saved y’all a lot of reading and just agreed with you!)

Post # 9
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sounds good!!  You don’t always have to talk to be there for him… just being there goes a long way.  Enjoy your day together~ german chocolate~ yum!

Post # 10
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh, what a sad situation, i’m so sorry to hear it.  Financial strain is no joke – isn’t is horrible how it creeps into every aspect of your life?

One thing that has worked well for me and my man when I get the feeling we aren’t communicating well is that I write him a letter and ask him to read it when I’m not around – I think that, while talking is obviously the more direct and effective way to communicate, you never actually know where a conversation will go, and if you’re under lots of strain it can so easily disintigrate into a fight, without either of you getting what you need to off your chest.  So, if you can put all your feelings on paper and he can read it without interruption, at least you have made your message clear.  For us, a couple of times the letter from me to him has been enough to help to alleviate tension, and sometimes he writes me letters back, or it opens up a conversation. 

GOod luck!  I’m sure your anniversary will be great.  Taking a walk together and having a picnic is a great idea!

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