(Closed) Not Agreeing on the Guest list

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3439 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I really think you need to invite these people. They’re immediate family. He can’t just not invite his sister because he doesn’t like her SO. And as far as your family goes, just extend an invitation. Even if you haven’t received an STD, I think you should be the bigger person. And even though you can’t attend the cruise wedding, I think you still have to invite brother. It doesn’t mean they’ll go, but to not invite immediate family is setting up for way, way more drama than they could possibly cause by being there. Unless you’re only inviting parents or something like that? 

I don’t normally care about etiquette at all, but it seems very weird of your Fiance to not invite his sister, and the excuse of not liking her SO isn’t going to get him far with everyone who wonders why she isn’t there. And do you have to see her at Thanksgiving, Christmas? It’ll make things awkward.

But it is your wedding. I totally understand if you only invite your favorite people. 

Post # 3
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

This is your wedding and if you think that them being there is going to make your day anything less than perfect then do not invite them. My Fiance doesn’t get along with his one brother and they don’t speak so we aren’t inviting him. You need to do what’s best for you and your Fiance. Don’t let him tell you who in your family you can/cannot invite, but also respect him if he doesn’t want to invte someone from his side. 

Post # 4
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Just be aware that if you don’t invite them, it will likely be the end of any relationship with them at all.  This could make things very difficult at family gatherings.  

Post # 5
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

montozzibride:  Sorry, but no. A wedding is one day – family is your family for a lifetime. If these people have threated to harm you, or stolen from you, then yeah, don’t invite them. But you can’t not invite them and expect to have any sort of relationship with them after. 

Unless that’s what you want, OP. If you want to cut ties with all these people then by all means, don’t invite them.

Post # 6
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who has had zero issues with every single person on their guest list. Personally, I don’t think you’ve given reasons that warrant going to this extreme. You may not think that not inviting them is going to an extreme, but I can assure you it will be taken that way.

You are having a destination wedding and not attending the wedding of the step-sister you don’t like prior to yours. Chances are high she won’t come to yours anyway. Then you don’t have the repercussions from not inviting her and she won’t be there. Win-win.

I know people will say it’s your day and you get to do what you want, but honestly that’s not what being an adult is about. Sometimes you have to get perspective on things and do things you may not want to (yes, even when your own wedding is concerned).

Post # 8
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you compromise to keep them happy. The alternative is that you don’t invite them and then the rest of your life with this side of the family is unbearable rather than just a little stressful. If you are comfortable blowing up those relationships (and think about how hard that will be on your mom) then go ahead and keep them off the guest list.

Post # 9
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

And honestly, I don’t see what’s so bad about having the photographer take a photo of them and your parents? Presumably you have lots of photos without them also?

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

If you are only inviting your parents then it would be okay not to invite your step-sisters or his half-sister. But, if you invite ONE sibling (which you’re doing by inviting your brother) then you really have to invite ALL of your siblings. It’s common decency. Sure, you don’t really care for these people, but they are your family. That’s life! We get to pick our friends, but you don’t pick our family, so sometimes we don’t like our family… But as an adult you have to accept the fact that life isn’t always easy and fun and perfect. It’s not a fairytale or a movie. Not even for one day. Not even your wedding day.

I think you need to take the high road and invite your step-sisters and his half-sister… And then, on your wedding day just be so happy that you get to marry your best friend, the love of your life 🙂 Ignore anyone that is bothering you. Don’t let it bother you. Because life is too short to let any of the petty antics you’ve described above ruin your good time. You need to just let it roll off your back and know that it really isn’t that big of a deal if your step-sister doesn’t like you or she’s mean to you. She is just one person out of millions.

The only difference is that she is family… And family gets invited to weddings! Unless you decide to elope. Which is a vailid option if avoiding drama is your biggest concern on your wedding day. But I assume it isn’t. 

Post # 11
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

tobemrsr:  I get where you’re coming from…we really, really did not want one of DH’s step-sisters to come because we were literally worried about protecting the card box from her husband who is repeat thief.  But we invited them anyway, because the MASSIVE amount of drama that would have ensued with DH’s dad and step-mom would have absolutely not been worth it.  We ended up getting lucky and they didn’t attend, though.

However, if you still want to go down this road, I think you need to talk to your respective parents before you make any choices.  You mention things are already tense and stressful at family events; not inviting these siblings is going to make that far, far worse.  And your relationship with the one step-sister you do get along with will likely go sour as well. 

The only way I can really see this working out in a way that won’t be a total disaster is if your wedding is small enough that only parents and full bio-siblings are included – MAYBE a close friend or two.  But I get the sense your wedding isn’t quite that small.

 

Post # 12
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

tobemrsr:  I know you don’t want them there, but your choices are A) Invite them and deal with them for a day (or a couple days, whatever) or B) Don’t invite them and deal with the inevitable repercussions for the rest of your life. That’s just how it is. Excluding siblings from a wedding that you’ve invited other guests to is a very clear statement that you don’t like them, don’t respect them, and don’t care to have them in your life. There will be fallout. So if you want to make that statement and are willing to accept the fallout, that’s your prerogative.

Post # 14
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

It seems like you’ve made up your mind, then. I would make sure you let your parents know your decision in advance so they are prepared to deal with the fallout. 

Post # 15
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

tobemrsr:  Got it…maybe you can get away with it then.  I would definitely talk to your parents in advance though so there are no surprises and you can get a sense of the potentiall fallout.

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