(Closed) Thanks Bees…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: With less than 5 months before the wedding should I just live in the apartment I will be paying for?
    Yes : (22 votes)
    88 %
    No : (2 votes)
    8 %
    In the other bedroom maybe : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Wow that really sucks.  If you haven’t put a lot of money into the wedding yet, I would probably try to see if you can work the wedding around so you don’t need their money for it.  Otherwise, I know it sucks but how are you going to pay for the wedding if they cut you off for moving out?

    Post # 4
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Honestly, I suggest you just move in with your Fiance.  Stand up to your mother and do what you want.  If you’re old enough to get married, you should be old enough to make your own choices. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3601 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I think you need to change the wedding so that you don’t need their money and then move anyway.  This will probably mean sacrifices, but you’ll have to make your own decision on which one you’d rather have- the money or the apartment.

    Post # 6
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    You didn’t really say WHY your mother doesn’t want you to move into the apartment. If you haven’t asked, maybe you need to sit down with her and have an adult conversation about why she feels you shouldn’t and then give her your reasons for wanting to (commuting, etc).

    I obviously don’t know your family, but my mom is very traditional and would, under normal circumstances, have told me to not live with my FH before the wedding as well. He is moving here from a different country though, so it’s a little different. She DID suggest that he sleep in the guest room until the wedding (yeah, right!)

    I would really find out what her reasoning is, but at the end of the day, you are an adult and can do what you wish. Just be careful so you don’t hurt your mom in the process. Maybe she just doesn’t want to lose you!

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    18643 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If that’s the case, then I would just move out and deal with their disappointment.  Honestly, they should have known that you were planning on moving in together soon since you wouldn’t have looked for apartments a year before you needed one.

    Post # 8
    Member
    952 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    How old are you? Since you are in graduate school, i’m assuming your old enough to make decisions on your own. I could understand if you were just out of high school. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Move into your apartment.  Unless there is a refund they can get back, I’d move out of your parent’s house. Even if they can get a refund on their money, I’d move out and plan a smaller event. You need to be assertive; you should be old enough to make your own decisions.

    EDIT: I’m a student and so is my Fiance, and we’re paying for a wedding on our own so it’s manageable.  We won’t have a lot of people but we won’t have to answer to our parents or any other funding source but ourselves.

    Post # 10
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    This is exactly why Fiance and I pay for everything ourselves.  We’re both students, but make it work!  We don’t have to answer to anyone.  Not that our parents aren’t great, but there’s a line that can’t be crossed once you’re engaged.  We lived together for 9 months before even getting engaged (been together for 8 years though…)

    I hate to say it, but if they’re footing the bill for anything, you’re kinda obligated to do what they want.  It’s not like it’s $5 for icecream – I’m sure it’s thousands for the wedding.  Move out and pay for your own wedding – or stick with the situation you’re already in.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    This is really controlling and manipulative.  Tell your mother that you are sorry that she does not approve, but that this is what you decided months ago, and she was informed of that decision.  Move out.  Don’t feel guilty.

    Post # 12
    Member
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would have to say move out. You are an adult. You are old enough to decide to get married. Just go. Why did she say you won’t be moving in to the apartment until January when your wedding is is November? I say start saving up now, help Fiance get his resume fine tuned and keep encouraging him on his job hunt and be prepared to have to pay for the wedding yourself if need be. I’d let your mom know that you appreciate and respect her, but that moving out would be better for you for commuting for school, end of story.

    Post # 15
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @secretsquirrel11:

    My only thought is that your mom has a point about the financial issue- you would be saving some money by staying with her (food, bills, etc). That being said, if you are old enough to get married you should be able to make your own decisions without having your mom dictate what you are “allowed” and what not- this is just too weird to me.

    The topic ‘Thanks Bees…’ is closed to new replies.

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