(Closed) Not allowed to marry in our church

posted 4 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Best of Luck to you.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@jbbs1222: Honestly, it is difficult to pass along sage advice when all the details aren’t clearly laid out. Since you were very generic in your post (and it is your right to be!), the best thing I can say is as long as you know you’re not pregnant or not in the wrong, don’t worry what gossipers say. 

Post # 5
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jbbs1222:  i think i know what religion you are and i was raised in the same religion. since my FI is not a participant in the religion, we will not getting married in the ‘church’ as well. which is fine by me. but i know that must be really hard for you. maybe ask your cousin’s husband to do it. i know that must be a really hard situation. i wish you the best of luck. if you want to talk about this, please PM me!

Post # 6
Member
11274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Are you able to wait to have your wedding until after your FI has been able to gain (or regain?) favor with your church’s elders? 

Post # 7
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you mind telling us what type of church? It’s a bit hard to answer without you telling us that. Certainly in my church (fairly “mainstream”) they will recognise any legal marriage, so the marriage could be done (preferably) by another pastor but it’s ok being married by any qualified celebrant.

No suggestion on the gossipers except tell the truth and otherwise ignore them.

Post # 8
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jbbs1222:  This is so vague I really can’t give you specefic advice. If you can’t get married in the church, then don’t worry about it. If there is truly nothing you can do then just focus on other things. 

Post # 9
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

LDS?

Post # 11
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jbbs1222: Ah I see, I would say it seems like you have a good plan. 

Post # 12
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

[comment moderated for snark]

Post # 14
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

People like that will always find something or someone to gossip about.  Fortunately, that means that you’ll be forgotten as soon as the next juicy piece of info comes around.  Our drama is never as important to other people as we think it is.  So while it may be a difficult couple of weeks, someone will show up wearing something less than appropriate, or someone will hear a rumor of infidelity somewhere, or there will be whispers of a pregnancy and they’ll immediately switch targets.

Post # 15
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jbbs1222:  It’s pretty easy to stop rumors of pregnancy…in about 20 weeks, you won’t be showing at all (because I’m assuming you’re not pregnant) and if there’s no baby within 40 weeks of the wedding, it’s darn near impossible to have been pregnant at the time of the wedding. It may take 40 weeks, but the pregnancy rumors are stopping.

I know when we get in trouble with the church (sorry, not a witness, so I don’t  really know how that works…), we basically aren’t allowed to come back. So maybe even the fact that you still attend will draw THOSE rumors back.

I really hope things get better for you and you stop getting flamed for being upset that a lifelong dream (what religious woman doesn’t want to get married in her church?) is crashing.  

Post # 16
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If it’s important to you that you be married in the church I would say to wait until he is ready by the church standards, if being married to him is what is important to you I would say go ahead and do it the way you want and forget what the gossipers say, and if they run their mouth too much remind them that it does clearly say to not gossip in the bible.

It was important to me that a pastor/preacher perform our ceremony and we were afraid we would have trouble with this because we lived together before marriage, however it took a couple tried but we found one willing to marry us, and found our church in the process 🙂 

Just decide which is the most important thing to you and go from there. It will all work out in the end, it always does.

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