Post # 1
Member
29 posts
Newbee
Hey everyone,
I’m just here to vent and to hopefully get some feedback/advice. Here’s a little background story..I’m 25 and engaged to my SO whom is 26 since last April(been together 4 years,living together for 9 months so far). I’m an only child and am verrryyy close to my parents, they moved away in the spring. Anyways, I’ve never been allowed to have guys sleep over,
with the exception of my Fiance who came with me to visit them in the spring.
I tried to ask my mom if he could sleep in the bed with me (she has no problem with it, its my father who does). That idea got shot down even though she tried to talk to my dad about it. SO got stuck on crappy blow up mattress and found the basement cold as well.
We r going back there to visit during holidays(he will be staying there for 2 weeks). I will be leaving earlier and he will be there 9 days after. I want to try and bring this up again..it has nothing to do with sex. Its a comfort thing and I’m sure my fiance doesn’t want to be spending his vacation sleeping on air mat
tress either. I’d even leave the door open if it bothered my father so much. You’d be surprised if you knew my dad because he’s not strict at all and is an easy going funny guy. But when it comes to this he seems pretty stern about it. He obviously knows we sleep in same bed since we live together and he doesn’t have a problem with my fiance, they get along great. Most of my friends have been allowed to have boys sleep in their beds since they were teenagers. I’m frustrated..what should I do?
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
Their house, their rules. When they come to visit you, sleep together in your own bed. If you’re going to be under their roof, abide by their wishes. Or get a hotel room.
Post # 5
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
They aren’t going to change their minds. Especially not with the old “But all my friends are doing it!” argument.
Show them you’re an adult by respecting their decision, rather than making a big deal about it like a teenager would. If Fiance hates the air mattress so much, he (or the two of you) could always get a hotel room. You are not entitled to expect to share the same room until you are married.
Post # 6
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
Lol that really sucks. If it is that important to you, tell your parents you will be getting a hotel room. maybe they will change their mind
Post # 7
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
Ok, as a parent of a young lady of 19….who lives with her boyfriend somewhere else, I can tell you that boy surfs the couch when they come to visit our home.
Why? You ask? Because we said so, that’s why, because it’s our house, and out of respect for the people that pay the mortgage, the bills and everything else under that roof, if we wanted them to wear rubber pants and shoot each other with seltzer bottles, you’d better believe those two kids be ready to get their clown on….it’s not an issue of sex, punishment or anything but respect….and no body does anything in our house unless we say so.
I can’t advocate wheedling with your Dad on this one, this is the way he wants it, and while I understand that the two of you are adults, engaged and in love, you always have the choice of checking into a nearby hotel so that you two can be comfortable and your father can be happy.
I know it makes no sense, it doesn’t have to…we’re parents.
Good luck!
Post # 8
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
You have to respect his wishes whether you agree or not. If its a comfort thing then maybe you could argue that he sleeps on the matrress in the hallway or the dining room where heat is better.
He can sleep in your bed when you leave for those 9 days.
And you cant compare your dads beliefs to your friends parents. They arent the same people, this isnt a matter or rights or logic. Its a belief he has and has a right to have.
Post # 9
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
I think you should abide by their wishes.. but why does he have to sleep in the basement?? Can he sleep on the couch or in the living room on the air mattrass?
Post # 10
Member
3785 posts
Honey bee
Yeah, it sucks but unfortunately it’s their house, their rules. 🙁 my parents used to be that way but have since starte letting us sleep together. Is there a friends place you can stay at or a hotel? Maybe trade off sleeping in the bed. 🙁
Post # 11
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
Thats the thing with parents, they believe what they believe and when you visit them, you have to go with it. My FH and I started living together very early on in our relationship. About 3 months in the holidays came. We were allowed to sleep in the same bed at his mom’s house because she knew I was the one. My mother on the other hand said nope, not until you are engaged at the very least. While I hated sleeping apart from him, i respected my mother. Did I spend the very last moments of the night with him before I went to my own room, yes I did. DId I rush to wake him up in the morning, yes I did. Haha. But take a deep breath, and realize your dad means no harm. He is just doing what makes him comfortable.
Is there a friend you can stay with? A cheap hotel that does weekly rates? A different family member? If it’s that important for you to be in the same bed, there is a way.
Post # 12
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
@DaneLady: Yep.
Until we got married, H and I did not sleep in the same bed when we were staying at my parents’ or his parents’ house. It can be annoying, but if those are their rules, you must respect them.
Post # 13
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
@DaneLady: I actually disagree. By this line of thought I could request that my parents sleep in different beds when they visit me! That would be absurd.
I would approach the subject, but gently. Be aware that this might only be an issue until you are married. My parents were a bit old fashioned that way as well and we finally decided to let it go – you have to choose your battles sometimes. 🙂 That being said I would certainly have an open discussion about the topic. These things can be awkward – but I really think it’s healthy to at least voice your opinions (especially since you describe your father as kind and understanding).
Post # 14
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
My parents had a rule that my Fiance and I couldn’t sleep in the same room until we were engaged or living together. We lived together first, but it still felt weird so we slept in seperate areas (he slept on the couch and I slept on my bed, or vice versa.) After we became engaged we both squeeze onto my tiny twin bed (my mom said she is getting a bigger mattress for my room at home haha). However, if my father was uncomfortable I’d respect his wishes. It’s his house, not mine.
Post # 15
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I hope you will be able to sleep in the same bed once you are married! In my parents house it was an engagement thing (only for Fiance they made an exception) – though we don’t really sleep in the same bed (if we do it’s my sisters queen) otherwise we sleep in a room with 2 twin beds.
As annoying as it is, I think it’s their house, their rules. You should respect and abide by them.
Post # 16
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
Have you talked to your dad about it? Maybe you can understand his reasoning and he can understand that your man needs somewhere more comfortable to sleep?
If there is no way to compromise, why not get a hotel room and visit from there?
