(Closed) Not allowed to sleep in the same bed!!Help please need advice

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s funny – we never even asked to sleep in the same bed at my mom’s while we were dating or engaged.  I don’t know what she would have thought about it, but I just didn’t want to ask, and my now H thought it would be SO disrespectful, so we stayed in separate beds.  

What’s even funnier is that we still do usually – mom has 2 guest rooms with a queen and a full, and we’re used to a king.  We just can’t get comfortable in a queen so I just stay in the other room.

Post # 123
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is so silly to me. Does your father screen your calls and make sure you brush your teeth too? Do they not think you have sex? You live together! It is a sign of total disrespect of your relationship by your father. You are a grown woman that is engaged to marry your live in fiance an pay your own bills (I assume). To try to interfere in that is controlling and makes me think that they consider you irresponsible, childidh Nd not in control of yourself. I would absolutely refuse to stay there and would force them to stay separately and in cold, uncomfortable rooms if they ever visit you. I actually find it revolting that the parent of an adult would try to inflict their own narrow view on the child they profess to love. I wouldn’t spend the night at any hosts home that had such little regard for the comfort of their guests. You also need to stop referring to the man you are going to marry as a boy imo.

Post # 124
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@vangough:  I don’t think that’s necessarily fair. If the parents’ religion is anti-premarital sex then it is absolutely ok for them to enforce their own religion’s rules in their own home. I don’t go a Jewish person’s house and expect bacon for breakfast, and I wouldn’t bat an eye at a Muslim not serving wine with dinner. The parents aren’t trying to control what the OP does with her own time, it just seems to me like they’re trying to practice their religion as best they can. That’s not disrespectful to their daughter, and doesn’t imply that she’s irresponsible. In a lot of religions, sex doesn’t come when you’re “responsible” enough for it, but when you’re married, regardless of how responsible you are. I would find it super disrespectful if someone came into my home only to go directly against the precepts of the religion of their host (mine).

Post # 125
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AdriannaJean:  sin e the op didn’t say they are religious and obviously would have mentioned that in their post your argument is null and void. The mom has no problem, dad has no problem with them living together before marriage and is easy going. Therefore, dad is being disrespectful of their relationship by trying to exert power over his daughter by insinuating she can’t make her own responsible decisions. As I said, ic make them sleep separately when they visit yo let them think about how their disrespect feels.

Post # 126
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

@LoMonroe:  basement is nice my parents aren’t horrible hosts they thought hed want more privacy and is dark there in case he wanted to sleep in. <— Now that you clarified, I apologize. You said “cold basement” and I supposed I jumped to this mental image of this cold, dank basement with spider webs and boxes of stuff. XD

Post # 127
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

@sept22insf:  Technically, you are right, but I think that the term “bad parents” should not be used here because the Bee is supposed to be a place where everyone is tolerant of other people’s practices. Someone else’s practices aren’t necessarily “bad,” just different than what you are used to or comfortable with. That’s what I got upset about.

Post # 128
Member
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AdriannaJean:  This is slightly off topic, and not directly against you, just in general a nitpick that I have with something I’m seeing a lot — I don’t see religious grounds as any different than any other personal thing. A jewish person eating Kosher-ly is no different than someone who chooses not to beef because they don’t feel like it. A person who disrespects others’ relationships because they believe in a diety is no different than a perseon who disrespects others’ relationships for any other (or no) reason. I don’t understand why religion gets so much slack where non-religious opinions and feelings don’t.

To be clear, it’s not so much that I think religion shouldn’t be considered, it’s that I just think it should be on the exact same level as other restrictions people self-impose/try to impose on others for any reason. I don’t see why it’s so special. (I used to go to a bank that said you couldn’t wear a head covering inside that bank unless for religious reasons. What if I just personally hate showing my head and find it distressing?! What makes religion so much more important than that!?)

Post # 129
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My dad once told me a story about bringing his girlfriend home to meet his mom for the weekend and his mom refusing to let them sleep in the same room.

His response: “But Ma, I’m 40!”

No matter how old you are, it’s just a parent thing. Mine are the same way.

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