(Closed) Not Allowing +1s?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SweetEmerald:  I suggest you just don’t invite them. You weren’t going to, but because they showed  bad behavior by asking to be invited, you’re going  to reward that?

If you don’t socialize with these people outside of work, you are under no obligation to invite them.

Post # 3
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Yeah, I’d say just don’t invite them to begin with. That is much more tactful than specifying they can’t bring their SOs, which is generally considered to be rude.

Post # 4
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it would be perfectly acceptable to not allow a plus one … They will all know each other they can socialize with each other… It’s your wedding there’s nothing more i can stress in almost every thread on this site Is that its your wedding and need to do what yuo want ! 

Post # 5
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think you can only invite half of married couples.  I see your dilemma, but I think married couples are exempt from the no +1 rule.  How many people are on your guest list, how many people are asking to come from work, when is your wedding, have you had RSVPs returned, etc?  Can you invite the work people short notice when you figure out the amount of your guests who are unable to attend?

Post # 6
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SweetEmerald:  It is incredibly, incredibly rude for people at work (or anyone) to ask for an invite. The nerve of some people! Don’t invite any, and if they ask then politely say, “Small wedding, family and close friends only”.

Post # 7
7276 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You’re going to invite people without their spouses? No, that’s not okay. A spouse is not a +1, they are part of a social unit. A ‘+1’ is an invite that is extended to someone not in a relationship to bring a guest. I think these coworkers will be more upset about not being invited with their spouses over not being invited at all. Don’t invite them at all if you aren’t willing to invite their spouses.

Post # 8
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The etiquette rule is that married couples, engaged couples and those living together  in  a romantic relationship are considered a social unit and must be invited.

Another etiquette rule is that cash bars are not polite. Host the affair you can afford to host, even if it’s just cake and punch.

A third is that it is rude to ask for an invitation. The request need not be indulged no matter who is doing the asking. 

Post # 9
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

SweetEmerald:  I did that for my work crowd and it was perfectly acceptable. But you have to look at what’s acceptable in the area you live in. I suggest asking people you know who have planned a wedding or been to lots. They might give you an insight.

Post # 10
3267 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t reward bad behavior by inviting them under duress. Either you invite them because you want them there, and host them properly, or tell them if they ask that you cannot accommodate them. Retaliatory rudeness is not polite.

Post # 11
1224 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Seriously? People invite themselves to weddings?? I’ve never heard of that and would totally not change my plans if I was not going to invite them before!

As for the cash bar thing, as is pointed out on every related thread, it’s rude in some (most?) places, but not all by any means. In the UK it’s totally normal. If some of my friends had had open bar weddings the bill would have cost more than the rest of the wedding put together!

Post # 12
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would not invite peopel from work, just say, small wedding family and clsoe friends only.  To be honest, ask yourself would I see these people if I changed jobs?  

Post # 13
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

WAIT…… People ASK to attend??? RUDE!!!

Post # 14
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I agree with PPs, don’t reward their bad behaviour by inviting them. If you do decide to invite them you should invite their spouses. But of course that depends on what is the norm and acceptable in your circle.

Post # 15
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nobody should invite themselves to any event. Just say, politely, that you are sorry but you are having a small wedding and cannot invite further guests. No need to justify because they are the rude ones, not you.

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