Post # 1
So, I am having a small wedding. The chapel holds 80 people (uncomfortably!) and the restaurant party hall holds like 115. Well, at first we thought this would be fine because our actual friends and family are not that many (we both have small but close inner circles). But, what I didn’t expect is that so many people from my WORK would ask to attend. These are folks who I only see in professional settings, we never socialize but they are big professoinal allys. I think it would be politically ackward to tell them NO and then see them at work and be the girl who didn’t invite _____ to their wedding even though they wanted to go. I have tried to explain to them that its going to be a tiny wedding. And, I suspect when they see its going to be a middle class restaurant (not fancy) and CASH BAR, some (the ones who wanted free food….) will decline…. But, those types are acually the minority of self-inviters. I think the majority really want to come and cheer me on. I have figured out that I could “FIT: all the people who self-invited, PROVIDED THEY DO NOT BRING A PLUS ONE? Is that fair? Thoughts? How do I communicate this? Oh and, if they decline because they can’t bring hubby, etc. I am MORE than ok with it because that’s THEM declining, right?
Post # 2
SweetEmerald: I suggest you just don’t invite them. You weren’t going to, but because they showed bad behavior by asking to be invited, you’re going to reward that?
If you don’t socialize with these people outside of work, you are under no obligation to invite them.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Yeah, I’d say just don’t invite them to begin with. That is much more tactful than specifying they can’t bring their SOs, which is generally considered to be rude.
Post # 4
I think it would be perfectly acceptable to not allow a plus one … They will all know each other they can socialize with each other… It’s your wedding there’s nothing more i can stress in almost every thread on this site Is that its your wedding and need to do what yuo want !
Post # 5
I don’t think you can only invite half of married couples. I see your dilemma, but I think married couples are exempt from the no +1 rule. How many people are on your guest list, how many people are asking to come from work, when is your wedding, have you had RSVPs returned, etc? Can you invite the work people short notice when you figure out the amount of your guests who are unable to attend?
Post # 6
SweetEmerald: It is incredibly, incredibly rude for people at work (or anyone) to ask for an invite. The nerve of some people! Don’t invite any, and if they ask then politely say, “Small wedding, family and close friends only”.
Post # 7
You’re going to invite people without their spouses? No, that’s not okay. A spouse is not a +1, they are part of a social unit. A ‘+1’ is an invite that is extended to someone not in a relationship to bring a guest. I think these coworkers will be more upset about not being invited with their spouses over not being invited at all. Don’t invite them at all if you aren’t willing to invite their spouses.
Post # 8
The etiquette rule is that married couples, engaged couples and those living together in a romantic relationship are considered a social unit and must be invited.
Another etiquette rule is that cash bars are not polite. Host the affair you can afford to host, even if it’s just cake and punch.
A third is that it is rude to ask for an invitation. The request need not be indulged no matter who is doing the asking.
Post # 9
SweetEmerald: I did that for my work crowd and it was perfectly acceptable. But you have to look at what’s acceptable in the area you live in. I suggest asking people you know who have planned a wedding or been to lots. They might give you an insight.
Post # 10
Don’t reward bad behavior by inviting them under duress. Either you invite them because you want them there, and host them properly, or tell them if they ask that you cannot accommodate them. Retaliatory rudeness is not polite.
Post # 11
Seriously? People invite themselves to weddings?? I’ve never heard of that and would totally not change my plans if I was not going to invite them before!
As for the cash bar thing, as is pointed out on every related thread, it’s rude in some (most?) places, but not all by any means. In the UK it’s totally normal. If some of my friends had had open bar weddings the bill would have cost more than the rest of the wedding put together!
Post # 12
I would not invite peopel from work, just say, small wedding family and clsoe friends only. To be honest, ask yourself would I see these people if I changed jobs?
Post # 13
WAIT…… People ASK to attend??? RUDE!!!
Post # 14
I agree with PPs, don’t reward their bad behaviour by inviting them. If you do decide to invite them you should invite their spouses. But of course that depends on what is the norm and acceptable in your circle.
Post # 15
Nobody should invite themselves to any event. Just say, politely, that you are sorry but you are having a small wedding and cannot invite further guests. No need to justify because they are the rude ones, not you.