(Closed) Not allowing guests to bring a date?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What will your guest list look like?

    All guests will be permitted to invite a date

    Unmarried guests will not be permitted to invite a date to save costs

    We are undecided

    Other (Specify below)

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @busterbluth: “We allowed dates for married, engaged, or long-term/live-in relationships. No ‘flavor of the months’ or people bringing friends as dates just to have a date.”

     

    We are doing the same.

    Post # 17
    Member
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Most of our guests are out of town and partners who live together are invited (I don’t think we know any married/engaged couples that don’t live together).

    As far as couples that aren’t cohabitating, we’re kind of taking it case by case with the idea being that established couples are cool to come, but single or the near-single don’t get guests.  If we know and like the partner, then they are invited (this is the case for most couples).  If we don’t know them, and we generally trust the person’s taste in significant others, they’re invited.  If you have a habit of dating people who are not good for you (pretentious drama queens, gold diggers, people way younger with nothing in common with you), we have probably already let you know that your taste in significant others is lousy and you can’t bring a guest until proven otherwise.

    Personally, I kind of enjoy being rude, but as someone on here pointed out to me, inviting someone to my wedding is like personally vouching for them to all my other guests.  So it’s kind of bad etiquette to allow people to invite their revolving door significant others.

    Post # 18
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee

    @KatNYC2011 that sounds like our scenario. The majority of our guests are married. Those that are single will most likely not care to have a date. There are some who I have decided that it would nice to allow a +1 because they will not know many people.

    This is a change from my strict policy I had in the beginning. I simply trimmed the guest list as a whole.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3218 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Guests who are single and know people at the wedding family and group friends will not get a date.

    Guests who will not know anyone at the wedding will be permitted a date.

    Serious couples only get their SO’s invited.

    Post # 20
    Member
    6377 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    That whole mentality of only allowing guests for those who are married or engaged really pisses me off. I was invited to a co-worker/friends wedding 2 years ago but my (now) Fiance was not. Other people in our department who were married were invited with a +1. I had been dating my Fiance for like 3 years longer than the bride had been with her husband (actually longer than any of the married couples too) but because we weren’t engaged, he wasn’t invited. I personally think that if your guests have been in their relationships longer than you and your husband, there should be an exception. Fiance wouldn’t have gone anyway (he can’t stand this girl) but it was the principal of the matter.

    Any guest who is in a “serious” relationship will be invited with a +1. By serious, I mean dating for more than a few months by the time our wedding rolls around. My mother told my male cousin who is 22 that he will have to find a date for our wedding. After she said this, I shot her the death stare and then informed her that we’re not inviting just anyone. If he’s in a relationship then sure, but I’m not going to pay for him to bring some chick that he met at the bar the weekend before. If the single guests wouldn’t know anyone else at our wedding then I would extend a +1 but any singles that we have are cousins who will know like dozens of other people. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee

    @UpstateCait: I totally agree. I didn’t go to a wedding last summer of a long time friend because of this. The wedding was a few hours away and I absolutely would have gone, but boyfriends weren’t invited. I wasn’t going to drive all that way alone, just because I wasn’t engaged. So rude.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Um…if you’re in a relationship you can bring your date.  Otherwise, no +1.

    Post # 23
    Member
    358 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @KatNYC2011: We are doing exactly what you are doing.

    Post # 24
    Member
    30 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Guests who are married, engaged, or a long-term serious boy/girlfriend.  I think it’s easy for us because just about every couple we know both people. But not everyone has a bf/gf so thatshould be interesting.

    Post # 25
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We are mostly doing couples (if we know them), but for example co-workers and friends (long distance), if I don’t know or have never seen their husbands, fiancee’s they are not getting an invite.

    Post # 26
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2022 - City, State

    Let me slightly change what I’m saying if its just a flavor of the months person I also don’t want them to bring that person especially if they have friends and all know each other. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We are letting everyone have a plus one.

    Post # 28
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    For us we are letting people bring guests if they are married, engaged or dating. We didn’t let people bring guests if they are not in a known relationship. It was to cut costs but, also beacause we don’t want a bunch of random people we don’t know at our wedding. Especially because my man has allot of male friends who always have new “girlfriends” for a day, or week or month. We don’t want any drama.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It is all dependent on who it is. I know that sounds bad…but here are a few examples.

    1) There’s a girl I used to work with at a restaurant, and we are still close. She is in an on-again-off-again relationship, but they’ve been together for years. I am inviting her best friend who also used to work with me, so I’m not inviting the first girl’s boyfriend. The two girls will be each other’s date.

    2) A family friend’s son who I grew up with is invited, but he isn’t in a relationship. So no guest for him. Plus his parents will be there.

    3) A friend of ours who has only been in a relationship with his girlfriend for 6 months, is allowed to bring her. This is because they live together, and I really enjoy his girlfriend’s company.

    Our guest list is like that, unless the couple is engaged or married. Then obviously both people in the couple is invited.

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