(Closed) Not allowing guests to bring a date?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What will your guest list look like?

    All guests will be permitted to invite a date

    Unmarried guests will not be permitted to invite a date to save costs

    We are undecided

    Other (Specify below)

  • Post # 31
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Any guest who is in a serious relationship that we know about/ engaged/ cohabitating had his or her invitation addressed with her/her partner’s name on the envelope as well. A friend of mine aked that I not put her boyfriend’s name on the envelope for she is in a messy divorce; we planned for her to put his name on the response card, which she did.

    Another girlfriend of mine never told me she was dating somebody; I learned about it while listening to her do a radio interview (she’s an author.) The invitation was already addressed to her only, and I did not feel obligated to tell her to bring her boyfriend if she could not tell me on her own.

    We are going for a small, intimate wedding, and I am not interested in my guests having their own guests or inviting people that I might not ever meet again. We have a pretty friendly group of people coming, and the few single people already know some of the other guests.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee

    We’re only giving +1s to married, engaged, or serious relationship/living together. Since the entire guest list consists of about 60 people, there’s no way we can give everyone a +1.

    Post # 33
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I don’t think it’s rude when the couple have specifications for who can come to the wedding as far as dates go. It’s their wedding.

    My parents are paying for my wedding and we have a very limited budget. We seriously cannot afford for extra people to come that we didn’t specifically invite. We’re not trying to be rude or anything…my parents just can’t afford the extra people. And this may sound rude, but to be honest…I don’t want just some random girlfriend of someone at my wedding. It’s a very small wedding with a limited guest list because of costs.

    Our best man wants to bring his girlfriend that he’s about to marry because they’re “serious” (they aren’t engaged yet though because she’s not finished with her divorce from the marriage she’s in) I didn’t want her there because she doesn’t know anybody. She’s moving here like a week before our wedding. She will be completely bored and by herself because our best man is going to be sitting at our table with us, taking pictures with us, and obviously not sitting with her during the ceremony. So I don’t see why she has to be there. All those things aside, I’ve met her twice and she’s extremely rude, B!tchy, stuck up, and dresses completely innapropriately. Why should my parents pay for her to be there when my man and I can’t stand her? I see no reason why we should have to.

    Everyone’s situation is different though. Our reasons for not wanting the extra people there is our extremely tight budget. Some pepole have room for them in their budget and that’s perfectly fine too. I certainly wouldn’t mind the bunch of extra people there allowing guests to bring their kids, dates, etc, but we just can’t afford it. Plain and simple.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We’re giving +1’s to our guests who are in exclusive relationships, regarless of how long they’ve been together.  We’re not giving +1’s to single guests who would bring a casual “date” or friend, just to have someone to bring.  Luckily, there’s only a few singles who aren’t getting +1’s, and they all know lots of other guests, so I’m not worried about them feeling lonely.

    Post # 35
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Here was our criteria for dates:

    1. Bridal party

    2. Married/engaged

    3. Don’t know anyone else at the wedding

    This means my coworkers and rando boyfriends/girlfriends of relatives will not be getting +1s!

    Post # 36
    Member
    4581 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We’re doing +1’s for people who are in relationships or won’t know a lot of other people at the wedding (I’m still good friends with my ex so I’m inviting him, and encouraging him to bring a date because, let’s face it, he needs all the encouragement he can get. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been on a date since we broke up five years ago)

    I don’t think it’s necessary to give certain singles a +1, like FI’s 18 year-old cousin who definitely isn’t dating. I don’t think they’ll be insulted if they have no one they would bring anyway.

    Post # 37
    Member
    174 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @BridalBlondie:

    I’ve been reading this; what occurs to me is I’m old! LOL… most friends are married, and if single I wouldn’t even think they’d bring anyone they weren’t serious about, so Fiance and I didn’t stress that part at all. I can understand though that if I were younger and friends were dating more actively it would be an issue as far as the guest list goes.

    Post # 38
    Member
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Were trying to be conservative with our +1s,so basically anyone who is married or in a serious relationship we both know them anyway so no need for a plus one. Ive given my bridal party plus ones,but also a handful of people that I want to be there but who will not really know anybody. I dont want to see anybody sitting on their own and looking awkward! Ive got a feeling were a little over our original limit or guests but I darent re-write the list out and face facts lol!

    Post # 39
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We decided this on an individual basis, but most people who were in a serious relationship could bring a date.  Otherwise we just sent a single invite.

    Post # 40
    Member
    6065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    My Fiance and I come from a huge family…we are trying to make a potential 500 person guest list to 320. This means not anyone can bring a plus one, and actually my friends are really understanding about it… I literally cannot accomodate plus ones that I haven’t even met when I am turning away family members.

    It’s complicated!

    Post # 41
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee

    A friend of mine in a few year relationship will be invited with date.  My cousin who is a junior in high school and switches boyfriends everyother week will not be invited with guest.  We also know some elderly people who are single like my Uncle wouldn’t bring a guest anyway, so we only invite him. 

    I think each situation should be evalutated on an invite to invite basis.

    My guest is for this no dates alound unless married or engaged, did that rule apply to the bridal party.  Everyone in bridal party should be alound to bring a date, even if their date not even a SO.

    Post # 42
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    We gave everyone a +1 that wasn’t married and I cannot remember a single person who used it.  I don’t see the big deal; if you are family, you’ll know people there stop whining that you can’t bring your Girlfriend of 2 months.  With friends, I see their point of being alone but it’s for what, a few hours of your time? 

    Post # 43
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @nyebride: Yea, it’s a few hours of your time but those are still hours that I would prefer to be spent with my long time/live-in boyfriend enjoying my friends wedding. In my situation with my friends wedding, I don’t feel that there is an excuse. I had lived with my (now) Fiance before she and her husband even met yet because we weren’t engaged, I didn’t deserve a +1. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    1. Married, Engaged, Been together for more than a year, +1

    2. Everyone else, none

    This meant that one friend who has decided to move in with her new boyfriend doesn’t get to bring him but at the same time, I have never met him nor has any of our friends.  Otherwise we haven’t come up with another conflict.

    Post # 45
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    There was absolutely NO WAY we could afford to give everyone a +1.  If we did we would have to cut down on the number of family members and friends we invited just so everyone could bring a guest that we may or may not know.  Or we would only be able to feed our guests cheese and crackers. 

    We only extended +1s to our married or engaged guests, or people who had been together for a long time and are pretty much married already. 

    We do have a lot of single guests coming but all of them know a handful of other singles there so I don’t think anyone will feel uncomfortable. 

    The topic ‘Not allowing guests to bring a date?’ is closed to new replies.

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