(Closed) Not angry, just annoyed, lonely, can you relate?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You sound like a bomb waiting to go off with all this pent-up frustration! Have you tried talking to him about it? One thing I have learned after being married for a year is that sometimes the things I think my Darling Husband would just “get” are things that have never crossed his mind, as hard as that may be to believe. 🙂 I think if you bring it up with him, he will see just how unbalanced and unfair this situation is, even if he wants a job.

Post # 4
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@InATizzy:  Regarding the first issue, him hanging  out with his friends… there has to be a little compromise.  Do i think it’s crazy he wants to hang out with his buddies?  No.  But if you feel like you are missing a little something, then I don’t see an issue with him meeting you halfway… every other weekend or shortened outings.  Have you expressed your feelings with him?  If not, do it.  Communicating with one another is one key aspect to a successful relationship – “Honey, I want you to have fun with your friends.  But I work all week and sometimes I just want to hang out with you, just me and you?  Can you possibly skip a few Fridays and me and you can do (insert something fun here.)

Second issue, the housework, it’s all about expectations.  What do you expect will be done when you get home.  (And keep in mind, these have to be realistic expectations).  You have to give credit where credit is due.  “I appreciate that you go grocery shopping and cook dinner every night, it’s so sweet of you and don’t think it goes unnoticed.  But, it would be a huge help if you could also do the laundry, clean the bathroom, etc.”  It doesn’t sound like he sits on his ass all day and plays video games so i would approach this topic with some tact.

Post # 8
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@InATizzy:  Ok – I dont think giving him a list is totally out of line.  If a list will get shit done, then make the list.  Big deal.  BUT –  this works for me and in my relationship.  If this is a dealbreaker for you, then yoiu need to let him know that.

Frankly, his behavior is bordering on childish.  And maybe it wouldn’t hurt to tell hiim that.  I think you need to really open and honest about this and how it affects you.  It boils down to respect… “I’m really not asking that much of you.  Do you repsect me enough to meet these expectations?”

Post # 9
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@InATizzy: I can’t tell you what to do, but I agree with PPs that he is being childish and you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting more help around the house. He’s obviously expecting you to do it if he isn’t doing it himself, and is that really fair when you’re working 40 hours a week and he’s sitting at home?

These are some issues that I think need to be settled before you marry him; they will only get worse if they don’t get handled now.

Post # 11
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you really need to make some more friends.

It’s not healthy for your SO to be the only significant emotional connection in your life. Your happiness shouldn’t be reliant on him or his availability. Don’t get me wrong – it’s vital to spend time together, but getting to a point where all you can think to do without him is clean or wedding plan? YIKES!! What happens if he gets a job with hours that don’t match yours, or if some other circumstances keep him away from you more than just a voluntary sports league?

He has outside interests. That’s healthy. You want to develop some outside interests of your own! Cleaning and wedding planning aren’t hobbies, they’re chores (okay, some people make wedding planning into a hobby, but unless you’re intending to get married more than once, it’s not really a good, lasting hobby, haha). What do you do for fun? What do you do for you?

If your city has MeetUp groups, they’re an amazing way to make friends. Otherwise, why not join a sports league of your own? Or another activity group doing something you enjoy? Or find somewhere to volunteer, whether an animal shelter or a soup kitchen or an at-risk teens center. A book club, a knitting circle, a rock climbing club, whatever you’re into!

You deserve a full, well rounded life! Go out there and make it happen for yourself!

Post # 14
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

Hey, just offering some truly objective advice.

When something makes you so defensive, I find it can be helpful to think about WHY it makes you so defensive. I’m surprised (well, I used to be, not as much anymore, haha) by how often feeling defensive leads to personal revelations.

Are you in therapy? You seem really frustrated with the imbalance in your relationship, and talking to a therapist might help you work through some of that.

Post # 15
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I find it a bit controlling that he won’t let you go out with your guy friends when he is off for the entire Friday night doing his own thing. I do agree that people need to pursue their own interests and friendships for a relationship to be healthy, but it should be a two-way street. If he wants to do his own Friday, he should let you do your thing too.

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