Not as Excited as I should be?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
7205 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I wasn’t super excited about planning a wedding either lol. It’s A LOT of work! For one day! 

If you aren’t thrilled, why not give some of the planning to your fi? It’s often expected that women plan the whole thing, but if HE wants it, HE should put some effort in. FWIW my husband ended up doing a good bit of the planning with me because of this lol. 

Post # 3
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee

Planning a wedding is expensive and stressful.  And not everyone loves being the center of attention.  I feel the same way.  

Post # 4
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

dt2413 :  I didn’t want a big wedding either, nothing about that excited me. We ended up going to the courthouse then hosting a party at a bar the following day. That was fun, but it didn’t really get me excited either- I just wanted the small courthouse ceremony and I would have been good. 

You and your fiance need to meet somewhere in the middle, and if he wants the big party he definitely needs to help you plan it. It is both of your wedding afterall. 

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I was excited to spend the rest of my life with D H but not one bit excited about the planning process. It was just not our thing. We kind of chucked the original plan halfway through and went with something more intimate/hassle free. Your feelings are totally valid. ๐Ÿ™‚ I agree with the above, if there are certain things your fiance wants then let him take on the responsibility.

Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’d feel the same way if my fiancé wanted a regular wedding. Fortunately we are like minded and are eloping. But if he felt differently I’d feel the same way as you! Being excited for marriage and excited for the wedding are definitely two different things. 

Post # 7
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Same! Excited to be engaged but not thrilled about a year of work and stress and expense. 

Still, he wants a party so it’s happening. I’m just trying to remember that it’s only one night and not get too into the weeds when planning. 

Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I feel like this is really normal! Getting engaged is VERY exciting, but planning a huge event (and the costs that are associated with it) is much less exciting for most of us. Since he’s the one who’s excited about the party aspect, is he willing to handle the bulk of the planning? Is there anyone in your circle that loves planning things? Is there room in the budget for a party planner? Anything you can do to make the process easier on yourself, I say do it. Do your best to only be involved in the fun parts! It’ll all be in your rear-view soon enough, so try to make it enjoyable for yourself.

We chose to do a semi-elopment by having only immediate family present. It took a lot of pressure off, but still took lots of planning since we went out of state for it.

Post # 9
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the middle of wedding “planning” – wedding is early May.

To be honest, I wasn’t all into the whole big fancy wedding / over the top planning either. We are still having a decent sized wedding (around 100) – but we are planning it to be as relaxed and low key as possible. We have booked a really nice local restaurant for our reception (we could also have had our ceremony there) and they take care of everything! All I need to do is pick a menu (yum!) and give them numbers!!! 

evwryone keeps ask me how the planning is going, and all I can do is shrug(!) because I’m not really doing much! 

Of course I still need to sort invitations, clothes and some music – but apart from booking the venues, it has all been easy as pie and VERY relaxed.

You can make the day whatever you want it to be. As relaxed, minimalist, or as fancy as you want. For example, you don’t have to to have a bridal party / flowers / favours / decor / cars whatever… they are all extras tat need extra planning. Just keep it simple and fun. You can have a small ceremony but big party, or a medium sized restaurant affair. 

I absulotely can’t wait for our big party with all our friends, but I still don’t think of it as planning a traditional, fancy, “bridal” wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

dt2413 :  Ah, I feel for you! I guess you don’t have to be excited for all the burdens that comes with the chores of wedding planning. I wasn’t and still am not thrilled about it either. My fiance and I wanted to elope somewhere but oh boy… Our families want a big wedding party (around 700 people ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ฉ) and we couldn’t talk it through … Anyways we’re gonna have to plan a wedding because our families have never experienced it. My brother eloped, my sister didn’t even get married, my fiance is an only child so…

All my friends who are getting married are super excited and into this procedure, I felt alone. But I guess I’m not. 

Post # 11
Member
4735 posts
Honey bee

Why are you using the word should?

Wedding planning is just party/event planning.  Some people enjoy it.  Some people don’t.  It is pretty much like every other activity/hobby in the world.  Some people like sports.  Some don’t.  Some like cleaning.  Some detest it and hire housekeepers.  Some people enjoy reading.  Some people haven’t read a book since getting out of school.  Some people enjoy socializing and big parties.  Some don’t. 

You don’t have to look forward to or enjoy wedding planning any more than you have to any other activity.

Your fiance seems excited so your fiance can take the lead.  Maybe eventually you’ll find aspects that do excite you.  Maybe you won’t.  Not a big deal either way.

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Enlist people to help you with wedding planning. If your husband is the one who really wants the formal wedding, he should be doing a lot of the work. I didn’t want a wedding and would have been miserable at the thought of planning it. Luckily my husband didn’t want one either. Can you two talk about it? Maybe if you share ideas for what you want it to be like and the elements that do excite you, you can come to a good plan for how to start. If you like the idea of a pretty dress, why not start with dress shopping? It could get you in the mood. Once you have a dress you’re excited about you could think about venue and where you picture yourself wearing it? Just build the parts that speak to you rather than go at it head on everything all at once.

Post # 13
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

…and for what it’s worth, there’s no one right way to feel about this stuff. Social media really doesn’t help with expectations for this. You’re doing great! You have the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and that person wants to spend his life with you. That’s pretty great. Don’t fuss too much about the rest. It’s all secondary.

Post # 14
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

The issue with your statement is the “should be.”  There is no “should,” you just feel how you feel.  You’ll likely go through waves of being excited, being nervous, being “meh,” etc.  that’s all normal and totally fine.  You don’t need to compare yourself to a weird standard that says all women have to be hyper-manic about their wedding.  As long as you’re happy with your fiance, it will all work out just fine.

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