Post # 1
My Fiance and I got engaged the day before Thanks Giving, with a ring that we both picked, I was so exited when it happened, but now I just don’t feel excited anymore… Don’t get me wrong, I love my fiance, he is an amazing guy, and I am very lucky to have him in my life, I dream of my future with him, yet I just don’t feel excited to plan a wedding? I’ve thrown the whole “lets just go to a court house” thing out there, but he doesn’t want that, he wants a party where he can celebrate with his family and friends, with I understand, but I just can’t seem to be excited about that? I don’t even know why, I always loved the idea of wearing a pretty dress and saying my vows… I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to share this with people who doesn’t know us, as it feels like I is wrong to feel like this 🙁
Post # 2
I wasn’t super excited about planning a wedding either lol. It’s A LOT of work! For one day!
If you aren’t thrilled, why not give some of the planning to your fi? It’s often expected that women plan the whole thing, but if HE wants it, HE should put some effort in. FWIW my husband ended up doing a good bit of the planning with me because of this lol.
Post # 3
Planning a wedding is expensive and stressful. And not everyone loves being the center of attention. I feel the same way.
Post # 4
dt2413 : I didn’t want a big wedding either, nothing about that excited me. We ended up going to the courthouse then hosting a party at a bar the following day. That was fun, but it didn’t really get me excited either- I just wanted the small courthouse ceremony and I would have been good.
You and your fiance need to meet somewhere in the middle, and if he wants the big party he definitely needs to help you plan it. It is both of your wedding afterall.
Post # 5
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
I was excited to spend the rest of my life with D H but not one bit excited about the planning process. It was just not our thing. We kind of chucked the original plan halfway through and went with something more intimate/hassle free. Your feelings are totally valid. 🙂 I agree with the above, if there are certain things your fiance wants then let him take on the responsibility.
Post # 6
I’d feel the same way if my fiancé wanted a regular wedding. Fortunately we are like minded and are eloping. But if he felt differently I’d feel the same way as you! Being excited for marriage and excited for the wedding are definitely two different things.
Post # 7
Same! Excited to be engaged but not thrilled about a year of work and stress and expense.
Still, he wants a party so it’s happening. I’m just trying to remember that it’s only one night and not get too into the weeds when planning.
Post # 8
I feel like this is really normal! Getting engaged is VERY exciting, but planning a huge event (and the costs that are associated with it) is much less exciting for most of us. Since he’s the one who’s excited about the party aspect, is he willing to handle the bulk of the planning? Is there anyone in your circle that loves planning things? Is there room in the budget for a party planner? Anything you can do to make the process easier on yourself, I say do it. Do your best to only be involved in the fun parts! It’ll all be in your rear-view soon enough, so try to make it enjoyable for yourself.
We chose to do a semi-elopment by having only immediate family present. It took a lot of pressure off, but still took lots of planning since we went out of state for it.
Post # 9
I’m in the middle of wedding “planning” – wedding is early May.
To be honest, I wasn’t all into the whole big fancy wedding / over the top planning either. We are still having a decent sized wedding (around 100) – but we are planning it to be as relaxed and low key as possible. We have booked a really nice local restaurant for our reception (we could also have had our ceremony there) and they take care of everything! All I need to do is pick a menu (yum!) and give them numbers!!!
evwryone keeps ask me how the planning is going, and all I can do is shrug(!) because I’m not really doing much!
Of course I still need to sort invitations, clothes and some music – but apart from booking the venues, it has all been easy as pie and VERY relaxed.
You can make the day whatever you want it to be. As relaxed, minimalist, or as fancy as you want. For example, you don’t have to to have a bridal party / flowers / favours / decor / cars whatever… they are all extras tat need extra planning. Just keep it simple and fun. You can have a small ceremony but big party, or a medium sized restaurant affair.
I absulotely can’t wait for our big party with all our friends, but I still don’t think of it as planning a traditional, fancy, “bridal” wedding.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
dt2413 : Ah, I feel for you! I guess you don’t have to be excited for all the burdens that comes with the chores of wedding planning. I wasn’t and still am not thrilled about it either. My fiance and I wanted to elope somewhere but oh boy… Our families want a big wedding party (around 700 people 🙄😩) and we couldn’t talk it through … Anyways we’re gonna have to plan a wedding because our families have never experienced it. My brother eloped, my sister didn’t even get married, my fiance is an only child so…
All my friends who are getting married are super excited and into this procedure, I felt alone. But I guess I’m not.
Post # 11
Why are you using the word should?
Wedding planning is just party/event planning. Some people enjoy it. Some people don’t. It is pretty much like every other activity/hobby in the world. Some people like sports. Some don’t. Some like cleaning. Some detest it and hire housekeepers. Some people enjoy reading. Some people haven’t read a book since getting out of school. Some people enjoy socializing and big parties. Some don’t.
You don’t have to look forward to or enjoy wedding planning any more than you have to any other activity.
Your fiance seems excited so your fiance can take the lead. Maybe eventually you’ll find aspects that do excite you. Maybe you won’t. Not a big deal either way.
Post # 12
Enlist people to help you with wedding planning. If your husband is the one who really wants the formal wedding, he should be doing a lot of the work. I didn’t want a wedding and would have been miserable at the thought of planning it. Luckily my husband didn’t want one either. Can you two talk about it? Maybe if you share ideas for what you want it to be like and the elements that do excite you, you can come to a good plan for how to start. If you like the idea of a pretty dress, why not start with dress shopping? It could get you in the mood. Once you have a dress you’re excited about you could think about venue and where you picture yourself wearing it? Just build the parts that speak to you rather than go at it head on everything all at once.
Post # 13
…and for what it’s worth, there’s no one right way to feel about this stuff. Social media really doesn’t help with expectations for this. You’re doing great! You have the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and that person wants to spend his life with you. That’s pretty great. Don’t fuss too much about the rest. It’s all secondary.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
The issue with your statement is the “should be.” There is no “should,” you just feel how you feel. You’ll likely go through waves of being excited, being nervous, being “meh,” etc. that’s all normal and totally fine. You don’t need to compare yourself to a weird standard that says all women have to be hyper-manic about their wedding. As long as you’re happy with your fiance, it will all work out just fine.
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. Fiance and I had a conversation last night over dinner, and expressed, that although I love him and I am very excited to marry him, I am not quite as excited to plan a wedding, as we talked I came to the realization that it might have to do with me not really having a family to be there with me as I have been strange from them for the last 14 years after my dad passed, I distant myself because of things that happened, that I try not to think about, and I think for the most part I am ok with it, and don’t really give it much thought as my life is much more happy without the drama that my family generated.
Anyways, he in his part does agree that as I don’t really want this huge wedding, we will be hiring a planner, which is probably better as we are planning on having the wedding in Park City Utah, and we live In NYC, so at the very least I wont have to worry as much about it.