Post # 1
I have a friend of 26 who has not asked me to be her bridesmaid. She was only one of two bridesmaids at my wedding and was one of the only people who were not family who attended. I bent over backwards to make my bridesmaid feel comfortable, let them choose colour schemes, dresses and everything. I am going through a really tough time at the moment my grandmother is dying and I have just lost my job. Everything is a mess. My friend became distant and sheepish with me. When we met for lunch the otherday and she was really cold and kept speaking in code with another friend about meeting up at the weekend. Tonight splashed all over her facebook page was a wedding planning event with everyone else as bridesmaids appart from me. We are a close knit group from school and have been friends since we were four. When I cancelled an upcoming event I noticed that all the posts had been hidden from my view. I am so upset at the moment and just need support. Even if she had explained to me why I would have understood. Even inviting me out or giving me a shoulder to cry on. I am thinking about cutting this group as I don’t need toxic people in my life. I understand it is a girl’s big day to be a princess but I just can’t believe how nasty this has got.
Post # 2
waif : I can imagine how you feel, sorry…
Do you know why she became distant and sheepish?
Post # 3
Maybe she didn’t ask you because of all the other things going on in your life. At first, my daughter didn’t ask one of her friends because her friend lives 300 miles away and just got a new job, but I told her that she should ask her anyway and give her the option to turn her down if it were too much to ask. Her friend gladly accepted. Could your friend be thinking that asking you to pay for the dress and help with events is too much to ask you right now? Sometimes folks think they are being considerate, but it doesn’t look that way when you don’t know what they are thinking.
Post # 4
waif : Perhaps she was trying to spare you the added stress of the expense of being a BM?
Post # 5
I’m sorry this happened. I think she should have been straight up with you on the matter. Finding out like this would be upsetting. Take it easy. Take care of yourself.
Post # 6
waif : “she was really cold and kept speaking in code with another friend about meeting up at the weekend.”
Speaking in code? She sounds like 16, not 26. This sounds excessive on her part. At least she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid and then do this to you for the whole duration leading up to her wedding. Who knows if she’ll turn into a bridezilla. Since you’ve known her for a long time I’m sure this must be quite painful, but people do change over time for no apparent reason. Take care and be happy you don’t have to do extra work for someone like this!
Post # 7
It’s always hard to find out a frienship that is important to you is not as important to the other person. I used to have a super hard time letting go of friendships like this, but it’s gotten easier with age. While it might not be “proper” if you really have been friends since you were four and share a huge friend group, I might ask her why you weren’t asked. That’s probably not the most polite/gracious/etiquette-approved way to handle, but if you feel that close to her I’d want some closure on the matter. My guess would be that you don’t share the same feelings about your friendship, and that is good to know going forward. I’m sorry; I’d definitely be hurt, too, despite not even enjoying being a bridesmaid.
Post # 8
Thank you for all your support. In the end I have descided to completely cut ties. I cancelled my upcoming birthday and girly party at a luxury hotel just to avoid the group. Funny thing is no one even bothered asking why I had cancelled the event.
Post # 9
I’m sorry, they sound kind of like crappy friends TBH
Post # 10
Bugger. Clearly they are over you, which is very sad , but best stay away , and not get hurt by it anymore . Sorry, not nice for you !
I’d say half your erstwhile friend’s behaviour is born of guilt at not asking you to be a bm. Don’t let them see you care .