(Closed) Not Asked to Be a Bridesmaid

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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waif :  I can imagine how you feel, sorry…

Do you know why she became distant and sheepish?

Post # 3
29 posts

Maybe she didn’t ask you because of all the other things going on in your life. At first, my daughter didn’t ask one of her friends because her friend lives 300 miles away and just got a new job, but I told her that she should ask her anyway and give her the option to turn her down if it were too much to ask.  Her friend gladly accepted.  Could your friend be thinking that asking you to pay for the dress and help with events is too much to ask you right now?  Sometimes folks think they are being considerate, but it doesn’t look that way when you don’t know what they are thinking. 

Post # 4
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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waif :  Perhaps she was trying to spare you the added stress of the expense of being a BM?

Post # 5
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m sorry this happened. I think she should have been straight up with you on the matter. Finding out like this would be upsetting. Take it easy. Take care of yourself.

Post # 6
894 posts
Busy bee

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waif :  “she was really cold and kept speaking in code with another friend about meeting up at the weekend.” 

Speaking in code? She sounds like 16, not 26. This sounds excessive on her part. At least she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid and then do this to you for the whole duration leading up to her wedding. Who knows if she’ll turn into a bridezilla. Since you’ve known her for a long time I’m sure this must be quite painful, but people do change over time for no apparent reason. Take care and be happy you don’t have to do extra work for someone like this!

Post # 7
1227 posts
Bumble bee

It’s always hard to find out a frienship that is important to you is not as important to the other person. I used to have a super hard time letting go of friendships like this, but it’s gotten easier with age. While it might not be “proper” if you really have been friends since you were four and share a huge friend group, I might ask her why you weren’t asked. That’s probably not the most polite/gracious/etiquette-approved way to handle, but if you feel that close to her I’d want some closure on the matter. My guess would be that you don’t share the same feelings about your friendship, and that is good to know going forward. I’m sorry; I’d definitely be hurt, too, despite not even enjoying being a bridesmaid.

Post # 9
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m sorry, they sound kind of like crappy friends TBH 

Post # 10
10413 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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waif :  

Bugger. Clearly they  are over you,  which is very sad , but best stay away , and not get hurt by it anymore . Sorry, not nice for   you !

I’d say half your erstwhile friend’s behaviour is born of guilt at not asking  you to be a bm. Don’t let  them see you care .

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