Post # 1
I was wondering if anyone could help with some advice on my bridesmaid situation.
I have 2 close friends from my home town, however for the past year or so one of the friends has been very unreliable. I’ve only seen her maybe twice in that time and been let down time and time again when we made arrangements to meet up. We have known each other since we were little kids and I don’t want to lose her as a friend as I’m sure it is a phase she will get past at some point.
The other girl has always been a very good friend and made time for me. I want to ask her to be a bridesmaid however if I ask her and not the other I feel it would really upset the ‘unreliable’ girl to the point where it may end our friendship. At the same time, it would be unfair to not have my ‘reliable’ friend as a bridesmaid through no fault of her own.
I was considering maybe insinuating that I can’t stretch to have both of them as bridesmaids and asking her to do duty on the day instead (she’s a photographer) however I’m worried that she might still be upset that I essentially chose the other over her.
Can anyone suggest a good way to handle this?
Post # 3
Is there something else you could do to honor her like having her do a reading? That way she doesn’t have the responsibility but she still gets to feel apart of the wedding.
Post # 4
If she is unreliable do you want to trust her with your photography for your wedding? I guess it all depends on what you expect from your bridesmaids. My bridesmaids won’t get her til probably 2 days before my wedding so everything will be done by then. All they would have to do is show up. Ask her if she is up for it or not
Post # 5
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, and hope they understand. I went through the same situation with my (supposed) BFF when choosing my bridal party. I wrote about it here if you want to read it.
She may take it badly, but you have to do what you feel is right.. and, hopefully she’ll come around in the end.
Post # 6
I agree with a PP, if she isn’t reliable enough to stand up as a bridesmaid, then you sure as heck don’t wanna trust her with the photography!! The photos are one major thing I see a lot of brides talk/post about and how they wish they had focused more on that or have regret that they didn’t get all the pics they wanted.
Also, you’ll have a lot to stress about between now and the wedding… pick whatever will cause you the least stress, whether it’s including her or not. It sounds like worrying about her reliability is one more thing that you could do without when you’ll have a lot on your plate as it is, so include her in a role that doesn’t “make or break” your day (just in case she flakes out on you).
Post # 7
Thanks for all of the comments!
I ended up waiting for a few months to mull over the decision and make sure I was happy with it. I figured that if the girl really cared then she would show some involvement or support in that time. if she did, then great. if not, then I wouldn’t feel bad about not asking her.
And guess what, she still hasn’t been in touch with me, or even seen me in fact since I got engaged.
When she didn’t show at my Engagement party I asked the other girl to be my bridesmaid and she was ecstatic. Still no word from unreliable girl. She is now not getting an invite to the wedding.
Weddings and funerals certainly do show you who your real friends are. It may seem harsh but you’ve got to be or you’ll tear your hair out trying to please everyone.
Post # 8
If I had seen someone only twice in a year I wouldn’t consider then bridesmaids material. I have a great girls I went to HS with, I was in their weddings but we just don’t talk these days, that is just how it goes. Don’t feel bad about it, you made the right choice 🙂
Post # 9
I haven’t asked a very close friend of mine, even though she has been here constantly for me and has help me search etc.
She has 8 children between her and her hubby. So i’m sure she understands. If she is a true friend and values your friendship she will understand.
My Maid/Matron of Honor lives 3,500klm away from me and we only communicate through the phone and facebook (when she gets on)
My other two BM’s are my 13 year old daughter and 13 year old soon to be step daughter.