Post # 1
My sister had me and our 2 cousins as the bridal party. Now that its my turn, I’m asking my 3 best gf’s to be in my party – have known them for over 20 years since we were children and still talk to them weekly. I know its my choice and I shouldn’t feel guilty for not including my sister, but I do.
My sis and I aren’t that close, and I’m pretty sure she asked me because “it made sense to” and she always tries to do what my traditional parents want. I’ve heard my mom comment before (when my cousins got married and had friends in the party), “Why wouldn’t you ask your family to be in your party, it makes sense”. And growing up in our family, we’ve been taught “never talk about your feelings, only if it comes to education and work”, and things are usually quite cold. Also, me trying to get my parents to accept my partner (who isn’t Chinese) has been nothing hard and gruelling. Since my sis is the oldest, she’s always felt the responsibility to “clean up our mess”, so she’s been far from supportive with my relationship, and always tells me what I’m doing wrong.
I’m 32 and still living at home (culturally, we stay home until married). When my BF visited me, it had been 6 months since I had seen him – so I stayed with him at a rental apartment (of course parents were unhappy), my sister is up till 2-3am venting and freaking out (texting my cousin) that I’m disrespecting my parents, and she felt she should call me in the middle of the night and tell me to go home. She even told me to hide my relationship from my parents cuz they’d never “let me date an Indian” – but I owned up to everything and told them. I knew my parents would be pissed (and they even stopped talking to me for a few months) but my sister was telling everyone that I ruined things for my parents and that I’m selfish and immature for doing that.
Its shit like this, where, I know I have even less reason to ask my sister. I don’t hate her or anything, but, I’d rather have the people who have supported me through thick and thin, which unfortunately doesn’t include her. How do you handle this? Should I explain or anything?
Post # 2
I know this is probably not what you want to here but I think in the long run you will regret not having her in the bridal party. Have your 3 girls and all the people you want in your bridal party but at the end of the day, feelings WILL be hurt if you don’t include her. Listen, I didn’t always get along with my sister, especially when I was younger and she didn’t always love my current fiance. They use to fight like cats and dogs! Seriously! However. 4-5 years later and I AM close with her now. I am a believer that family is who you make it but at the same time I think the friends we make (even the ones we’ve known 20+ years) are not always there in the future when you need them. That’s just my 2 cents. I mean at the end of the day you need to do what makes you happy though. If you feel that strongly about her not being in it, then don’t include her. But if your feeling about it aren’t that strong, I think you should include her. Maybe this is a chance to mend things.
Post # 3
I have to agree with wind… Don’t make your life harder than it has to be. Also, a slight like not including her in the wedding is something that may never be gotten over. I would say, why not include her, err on the side of caution and remember that friends come and go…but family is forever…
Post # 4
I agree with the prior posters. I would add your sister to your bridal party.
You can still have your three closest friends as your first three bridesmaids. Just increase the size of your bridal party. My DH has four children, one of whom was married and another who was in a serious relationship (they have since married) at the time of our wedding. It was important to my DH to include all six of the “kids” in our bridal party. I still had my three closest girl friends, but I also wanted my sister in law (brother’s wife) and all of my new family in our wedding. Yes, we had a large bridal party, but I can’t imagine not having included them.
Post # 5
I think you should choose the bridesmaids who would make you the happiest, so leave out your sister. If she asks why, list the reasons you just gave. I know this isn’t a popular view, but life is too short to waste on people who make you unhappy, even if they are family. I’m not close with my sister either, and it would be weird and honestly a drag if she were a bridesmaid in my wedding.
Post # 6
I think you should add her to your wedding party.
Post # 7
I dont see anything wrong with wanting people who supported you in your relationship to stand by you on your day. She clearly doesnt aprove of the relationship so standing there would be hypocritical. So i say dont ask her, and if she ask why you tell her. Wedding planning is stressful sometimes so you dont need somebody with that attitude making it more difficult. Have fun with your friends as bridesmaids.
Post # 8
I think you should include her in your bridal party. My friend was not included in her sister’s bridal party and she felt extremely hurt by it.
Post # 9
Include her for what? Your bridal party should consist of people who love and support you and your relationship. She dosen’t even approve of you marrying this man, so her standing up there would be just for show. There is no rule that says you have to include your siblings in your wedding party, I have 3 sisters and only one of them will be in my wedding.
Post # 10
If you don’t feel strongly one way or the other, include her. I don’t think you’ll ever regret including her, but you may very well regret not including her. As someone else pointed out, you may become closer with her in the future. If you feel strongly about NOT including her, then don’t, and stick to your decision. But I’d really give it a lot of consideration before you decide. If you don’t include her, it may be more grief than it’s worth.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone for your intput, I’ve given it some thought and I think I will add her to my bridal party now. Its true, we aren’t very close and I wish I had sisterly support from her – but she’s not intentionally mean to me, and I know her intentions come from a good place (protecting my parents who are feeling scared of losing their daughter when she marries and moves to the UK). And I don’t feel too strongly about having 3 or 4 BM’s, I just thought that I could save some money and have who matters up by my side, but I don’t want to put a further strain on anything just to save a few hundred dollars.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian
My sister is not in my wedding party. I do love her, but with everything considered, it just doesn’t make sense to have her in my bridal party. I want ZERO drama amongst my wedding party and the 3 people I do have, I have complete faith that they will be wonderful. I am going to ask my sister to do a reading or something though, so maybe that might be a concession?
Post # 13
and OP, it helps seeing that I’m not alone with this issue! I wish I could offer you more than just understanding and support, but I haven’t quite moved beyond this particular hang-up myself. Whatever happens, I wish you the best!
Post # 15
I think including her in your bridal party is a good idea…she could be really hurt if you don’t. I was in my sister-in-law’s bridal party and I am not close with her…I asked her to be in mine as well even though I honestly did not want to. Sometimes you just have to make choices that won’t hurt your family’s feelings.