Post # 1
I was just looking for all of your opinions- I was just in a wedding for a girl who I was childhood friends with. We drifted apart in high school/college but would occassionally text/email. When she got engaged, she asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding, and even aknowledged it was a little weird, but that she’d like me to be in her wedding. I accepted and helped out where needed with all the wedding details and recently had her wedding. After she had asked me, I got engaged and am not planning on having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because there’s just other ladies I’m closer to. I’m still planning on inviting her to the bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding of course. Do you think I should address the fact that I’m not putting her in my party after she put me in hers, or just send her the STD when the time comes and leave it at that?
Post # 3
It’s probably better to just leave it. I would find it worse if someone sought me out to tell me they aren’t including me rather than just leave it. If she asks you or approaches you about it then you can talk to her about it.
Post # 4
@anchors_away: just send a STD. she should not assume that since you were in her wedding that you will put her in yours. you are to ask your bridesmaids. FI families close friend (not my friend) but we became friends through Fiance. she is planning on getting married next june and even if she asked me to be in her wedding i would decline.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t bring it up. It might sound like you’re making excuses or trying to relieve a guilty conscience about it. If she addresses it, then I would just tell her what you told us – there are other friends you’re closer to but she’s still an important part of your life and you want her to take part in all the wedding festivities.
Post # 6
I agree with PPs. Don’t bring it up unless she asked you about it.
But I have been in weddings where I was Bridesmaid or Best Man but I didn’t ask the girl to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man this time. Like-wise. My thought is, you are her best friend doesn’t mean she is your best friend. People can’t make presumptions that’s always the case.
Post # 7
I have several friends that had me in their wedding but I will not be having them in mine. I think generally people are pretty understanding–you can’t have everyone in your wedding. I don’t think you need to make it a point to explain your reasoning, especially since you are still going to be including her in other ways.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies- it’s good to hear that other people have done the same. She’s sweet and understanding, so I don’t think she’ll get it, especially since she’s planned a wedding, I just want to avoid hurt feelings!
Post # 9
I think you should talk to her about it. That will avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Yes, people shouldn’t expect to be in weddings…but in some situations they do. Just have a casual talk or even send her a fb message letting her know.