(Closed) Not asking someone to be a BM whose wedding I was in… advice?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I talk to her about the fact that she's not in the wedding?
    Yes, I'd talk to her about it : (3 votes)
    11 %
    No, I'd just send out the STD and leave it alone : (24 votes)
    89 %
  • Post # 3
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    It’s probably better to just leave it. I would find it worse if someone sought me out to tell me they aren’t including me rather than just leave it. If she asks you or approaches you about it then you can talk to her about it.

    Post # 4
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @anchors_away:  just send a STD. she should not assume that since you were in her wedding that you will put her in yours. you are to ask your bridesmaids.  FI families close friend (not my friend) but we became friends through Fiance. she is planning on getting married next june and even if she asked me to be in her wedding i would decline.

    Post # 5
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I wouldn’t bring it up. It might sound like you’re making excuses or trying to relieve a guilty conscience about it. If she addresses it, then I would just tell her what you told us – there are other friends you’re closer to but she’s still an important part of your life and you want her to take part in all the wedding festivities.

    Post # 6
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I agree with PPs.  Don’t bring it up unless she asked you about it.

    But I have been in weddings where I was Bridesmaid or Best Man but I didn’t ask the girl to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man this time.  Like-wise.  My thought is, you are her best friend doesn’t mean she is your best friend.  People can’t make presumptions that’s always the case. 


    Post # 7
    807 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have several friends that had me in their wedding but I will not be having them in mine. I think generally people are pretty understanding–you can’t have everyone in your wedding. I don’t think you need to make it a point to explain your reasoning, especially since you are still going to be including her in other ways.

    Post # 9
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I think you should talk to her about it. That will avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Yes, people shouldn’t expect to be in weddings…but in some situations they do. Just have a casual talk or even send her a fb message letting her know.

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