Post # 1
My Future Sister-In-Law, who had been asked to be a bridesmaid, informed us recently that she would not be attending the wedding ceremony, just the reception, for religious reasons. Later, she informed me that she planned to still wear a bridesmaids dress and be in pictures “as a bridesmaid”. I’m terirbly confused and a little annoyed– if you’re not walking down the aisle and supporting us, why do you want to make it look like you did?
Post # 3
…I have never heard of a bridesmaid doing that. I don’t understand why she would want to buy the dress and only show up to the reception. I personally find it rude and strange. Maybe you could have her help set up the reception since she won’t come to the ceremony.
If it were me, I would ask her to step down, because I would want my bridesmaid standing by my side since the whole reason for the reception is the actual WEDDING CEREMONY.
In the end its up to you, do you want her to be a bridesmaid, knowing that she won’t come to the ceremony? What did your Fiance or in-laws say about that?
Post # 4
wow! What religious reasons does she have?
I would tell her that she can still be in photos as a sister, but if she’s not coming she can’t be a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
WOW, if I were you I would tell her that you hope she still attends but that you would rather her not be in the wedding party at all because the whole point is to be standing up there with you during the ceremony and say that you would have someone else stand up there. I honestly cant believe that and would set it all straight because its not fair to you.
Post # 6
I can’t imagine what religious reasons could stop you from standing by your brother…but that’s just me. This is your decision to make, but I wouldn’t want her as one of my bridesmaids at the reception. If she didn’t walk, she’s not a bm. She can definitely be in the after ceremony pictures as family.
Post # 7
I am also interested in what religion forbids her from attending the ceremony, but allows her to attend the reception.
I would politely tell her just to attend the reception as a guest, and not to order a bridesmaids dress.
Post # 8
The whole point of an “attendant” is to attend the wedding alongside you. The actual wedding, as in, the part where you get married. A wedding reception is simply a celebration party.
If she’s going to refuse to be in the wedding, then there’s the solution — she’s not in the wedding.
Post # 9
I see both sides of this. Sounds like you get the religious issue and your real issue is it being weird that she wants to wear the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and pretend that she wholeheartedly blessed the marriage.
She is dealing with a quandary of her own. On one hand her religious beliefs are telling her not to support this marriage and on the other hand, she loves her brother and wants to support him. She apparently likes you enough to want to be apart of the celebration. I would ask her not to wear the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and tell her she will not have the title of Bridesmaid or Best Man, but maybe there is something else she can do and still wear the wedding colors while helping at the reception.
Post # 10
I agree with the pp who said that the point of being a bridesmaid is to be there standing up for you at the wedding ceremony, not the reception. The reception is just a party. I would definitely tell her she can’t wear the bridesmaid’s dress, but that you still want her there, as your Future Sister-In-Law.
Also, not to sound repetitive, but what sort of religious reason could she have for not attenting the ceremony? It’s her brother’s wedding after all!
Post # 11
Oh thank you ladies I was starting to feel like Bridezilla!! This whole thing is KILLLING me, because my Future Mother-In-Law thinks that my job is to make EVERY concession she asks for, including on the dresses! What my immediate response was when she announced this plan was “But, all the bridesmaids do at the reception is look fantastic and have an amazing time…” and while I can see wanting to do that, I can’t help comparing her to my AMAZING bridesmaids who have helped with engagement parties, shopped for dresses, and recently planned a weekend getaway when I started having panic attacks over THIS issue! Its not fair to them for her to share their spotlight but none of their responsibilities.
She recently (within the last couple of years) became very strict on a religion that forbids going into a place of worship of another demonimation (considers it blasphemy?) but really the religion also completely rejects intermarraige. SHE doesn’t, what is ironic is that personally I really LIKE her and she was probably the most excited person about the wedding before she realized there would be a church involved!
Post # 12
What’s the point in her being there at all. She should either suck it up, and be there for the two of you supporting the two of you…. or attend the reception in a nice NON Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. It’s ridiculous that she hasn’t helped with any of the pre-wedding things, the engagement party and showers have nothing to do with religion.
Post # 13
Aw, thats kind of sad. Honestly, it sounds like something she might grow out of- realize in a few years how strict/ crazy her religion is, and regret missing her brothers wedding. I think you should tell her that of course she’ll be in pictures, because she’s family, but you’d prefer that only the girls who are walking down the aisle with you wear the bridesmaids dress. It actually seems like she was trying to compromise- saying my religion forbids me from going to the church, but I’ll still be a bridesmaid! Maybe ask her to do something special at the reception, since you do like her and I’m sure she does want to be a part of her brothers wedding. Good luck, let us know what she says.
Post # 14
Thats just it…I’m sure she’s going to regret having missed her brothers wedding…I think the most frustrating part of it all is that when I first met her, she would have been the most enthusiastic bridesmaid, and now its just Not Allowed. I sometimes struggle to figure out how someone managed to think for themselves for 24 years and then all of a sudden wants to let someone else tell them how to behave….
That said, I have made SO many compromises and been SO flexible, I feel like I’m enabling…
Post # 15
Yeah, tell her it’s not happening. If she isn’t going to stand up there to support you,then she doesn’t need to pretend that she did. Tell her she can still wear the dress, but she won’t be included in any pictures after the ceremony.
Post # 16
Very strange. If you can’t stand up with the couple at the ceremony to support them, then no you are not part of the wedding.
While everyone is entitled to their own religious beliefs, it is very shady (not to mention it is not supported by the Bible at all) to preach to anyone that attending a different denomination will cause eternal damnation. But if that’s what she believes, then she has no right to wear a bridesmaid dress since she will not attend the entire wedding (the main focus being the ceremony itself).