Post # 1
I just wanted to ask your opinion on something. My cousin and his fiancee have just let everyone know about their Destination Wedding plans for next year and group pricing options and what have you. It’s not SUPER expensive, but Fiance and I will be getting married the following year and we really would like to save money for that – this makes me feel like not going. It’s also during spring break, and I’ll be in my second degree at that time with goodness knows what kind of projects going on.
The thing is that FI’s parents are likely going to take us on a trip to Europe a few months after this as a convocation gift.
I’m worried that this will seem SUPER rude, especially given that I’ve never been to Europe before, and I’ll want to take pictures which will likely wind up on Facebook. I also don’t want to damage my relationship with my cousin, but I also don’t want to go to some crazy drink-a-thon wedding for a week which is what I feel like this is going to be.
Do you bees think it would be rude and awful if we didn’t go to the Destination Wedding, but went to Europe later in the year?
Post # 3
I would definitely raise a brow if I was close to you and you did not attend my wedding.
If we weren’t close, I wouldn’t care.
Post # 4
Not at all rude. Your vacation time, your choice. Being a bride doesn’t give you the right to tell people when and where to take their vacations.
But even though you don’t need an excuse, you’ve got one: that the trip to Europe is a gift. Before you go, send a short email/message to your cousin saying please don’t be offended, but the trip to Europe was a gift from FI’s parents.
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
Absolutely not rude or awful! Especially since the later trip would be a gift, you can just say you want to save for your wedding. When you post pictures of your trip, do say something about “thanks for the wonderful gift, XX and YY, we had a fantastic time!” so that it’s clear it’s a gift.
Also, I don’t know about your family, but in mine my cousins and I have kind of grown apart and I certainly don’t expect them to make it to my wedding (even if we don’t do Destination Wedding they would all have to travel 1200 miles).
I think they will understand!
Post # 6
@everridiculous: No, it’s not rude. It sounds like the Europe thing was planned (even if it’s not booked) before the wedding anyway, so there’s your excuse: wish we could, but all of our vacation time and money is already spoken for. It’s not reasonable to expect people to plan a vacation around your wedding. If some people can, awesome, but a lot of people won’t be able to or won’t want to, and that is their prerogative.
Post # 7
Thanks so much you guys. This is kind of what I thought instinctively, but I really don’t want to be rude. I’m not very close with my extended family at all, but I have been trying to mend that somewhat by being a little more sociable, so I don’t want this to damage it.
The other thing is that they aren’t inviting my mom because there’s some serious tension between her and that side of the family (the reason that I’m not close with my extended fam) and I’m pretty sure my brother will want to go. There is no way I’m leaving my mom home alone to feel bad.
Post # 8
Ok, Etiquette Rule # 1… although it is NICE to offer up a reason for not attending an event… IT IS NOT A REQUIREMENT
You need not explain… and a polite person would never ask.
That said, rather than the standard CHECK BOX NO reply… you can write a note (either on the RSVP Card, or include it along with in the envelope). Notes are appropriate if one has true heartfelt wishes for the couple… or they are extremely close.
“Unfortunately, we won’t be able to make your Destination Wedding… as much as we’d like to see Europe. It does sound lovely tho. We’ll be thinking of you both on your Wedding Day and wish you all the best… LOVE __ & __ “
Would be appropriate.
(You could also add in something about school and all if you want the note to be more newsy / friendly in appearance)
Then it would be polite if you didn’t bomb FaceBook with photos of whatever you did for Spring Break instead of the Wedding (ie not a good time to show off your trip to Mexico, new car or new house purchase)
As for later on down the road… in the Summertime when your Parent’s take you to Europe. You need not offer any explanation really (as others have said what you do with your time off / vacation time / and YOUR Money is YOUR business) … altho if you do feel self-conscious, you could certainly make your postings clear that this was a Graduation Gift… and an awesome one.
Hope this helps,
PS… Do hope you plan to send a card (and maybe a gift) to the happy couple. As obviously from your post I take it you wish to keep the relationship “undamaged” (your words) with your cousin.
Post # 9
Personally, if I were the bride I would probably think that you just had a work or time obligation for not being able to come if I realized that you went to Europe.
If I wasn’t super close to you though I probably wouldn’t care. I would maybe be a little “huh?” if you were my BFF or something though, haha.
Post # 10
I am having a Destination Wedding and I have been offended by none of my declines. Maybe disappointed that I wont see someone, but that is the risk you take when you have a Destination Wedding, and I’m sure they understand. I have had at least two friends tell me they either can’t afford it or can’t get off work and then seen them post pictures from a different vacation within a few months of the wedding. Still, not offended. They either had already planned those trips, or would rahter go skiing than to the beach and that is perfectly fair. I will say that I’ve really appreciated the notes I’ve gotten on my RSVP cards. If you are very close you could even call them on the phone to explain.
Post # 11
I’m having a destination wedding and I understand that not everyone can make it out which does not make me angry in the least. I’m understanding to peoples situations and an explanation isnt even needed if they are aunable to make it. Destination weddings ask alot from people..there money and vacation time which people value alot and in your case you are still in school so it makes complete sense.