(Closed) Not attending…giving money??

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Should I give them...
    A nice card. Period. : (4 votes)
    15 %
    A nice card with a check like they requested. : (13 votes)
    50 %
    A physical gift that I think they'd like. : (7 votes)
    27 %
    Screw 'em. I'm not going anyway. : (2 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    18628 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If I don’t give a gift, I usually just give cash so that they can buy themselves something that they want or save it for the future.

    Post # 4
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    What about a gift card? I usually do a combo small gift and cash for weddings and a gift for the shower. I had one friend who didn’t register in hopes that she would get cash, which I wouldn’t do in this situation, so I got her a gift card to a home improvement store instead.

    Post # 5
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I second the gift card. If you don’t want to blank point give cash, a gift card is a nice compromise. It also will give them essentially the same thing. Maybe one to Macy’s or something where they can get a wide variety of things would seem safe.

    Post # 6
    414 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I dont give gifts, most people I know rather have ‘cash’.  Asian culture – it’s understood you give cash.

    I have noticed during the past 3 years (due to the down economy), my non-Asian friends in the Bay Area started having no registries and started requesting ‘cash contribution since it’s more practical.

    The suggetsions above is a good idea – give gift cards to like Target, Macys, somewhere practical.  It’s close enuf to cash to help out daily needs.


    Post # 7
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’d go with a gift card if you’re comfortable with that.

    If you really feel you’d rather give a gift, go ahead.  Just be aware that most stores have a decent return policy, so your effort may be in vain, with the end result being they end up with cash…

    Or, don’t send anything.  There’s no obligation for any guest to give a gift, and definitely none if you’re not even attending.

    Post # 8
    5092 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Call me old fashioned (about this, anyway, ha), but I hate the idea of being asked to give cash.  I’m a grad student, I don’t have much money to spare, I’d much much much rather get a nice little something off the registry or something personal and special.  It’s different (in my mind) when it’s an older generation giving cash to a younger generation; then it’s more like they’re helping you build your future. But if it’s just me giving my friend a $50 – where’s the meaning in that?! 

    By the way, not everyone who doesn’t register is looking for cash. We’re not registering (long story), but we absolutely 100% do not expect or feel entitled to gifts or cash, which we will make plain on the website.  (That doesn’t apply here, obv, but just a public service announcement. 🙂  It makes me sad that people these days have reason to assume that if you don’t register it’s because you want money.

    Post # 9
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I also don’t like being asked to give cash, so I see where you are coming from.  Do you know the couple well enough to get them a personal gift they would llike?  What about something like a personalized address stamp (Idea stolen from a blog today!).  If you don’t know them well, I would buy them something that you consider a great wedding gift, but send the gift receipt so that they can exchange it (which they’ll likely do, and take the cash…but at least  you fought the good fight).

    Post # 10
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i think a gift is a gift, if you want to give something its up to you. like the lady said they PREFER cash.

    you dont HAVE to give cash.

    however i as a bride that prefers cash, i would rather just get a nice card than some random vase or picture or something. (i have stacks of stuff in storage of things i will never use and have no idea what to do with because people didnt want to use the registry or just send cash/giftcard) i mean thank you for the thoughtful gift, but its completely a waste of money if its something i cant use.

    so my suggestion is to either give $$ as requested, or just a nice card. unless you dont mind your gift collecting dust or getting regifted/donated if they cant use it.

    Post # 12
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would send a card with a check, or just a card.  Don’t waste your money on a dust collector.  Although I do like gift cards, I think checks are the safest to send in the mail.  If it’s not cashed, then you can call them and ask if they received it.  If it’s cashed but the couple doesn’t send a thank you, you can always see if it was them who cashed it or if it was stolen in the mail.  If it was stolen it can be reported to your bank.

    If you really do feel that awkward sending cash/money, I would just send a card.  Don’t feel pressured to give a gift!

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