(Closed) Not be in the wedding because i literally cant fit in the BM dress??

posted 6 years ago in Full Figured
  • poll: what to do....
    Suck it up wrap yourself in minimizers,sanranwrap and duct tape-who needs to breathe anyways? : (14 votes)
    17 %
    Tell her to **** herself and step down : (17 votes)
    20 %
    polietly decline to continue in the wedding party as a bridesmaid : (38 votes)
    45 %
    hope for winning the lottery to get lipo and a breast reduction? : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Keep waiting for heck to freeze over/the apocalypse and hope shell change her mind.... : (13 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Do NOT feel like a horrible person.  Please.  Your sister is being unreasonable.  Yes, the bridesmaid dress is the bride’s choice ultimately… but she needs to account for peoples’ varying shapes, sizes, and budgets.  Your sister needs to step away from the wedding kool-aid and either let you find a dress in that same color or choose a different dress.  If the bridesmaids can get a full refund, then you’re safe, otherwise your sister will need to work something else out for you.  I’m sorry she isn’t being a gracious bride.

    Post # 4
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    So, since this is your sister, I’m thinking you might be the Maid/Matron of Honor. If that’s the case, it would not be strange at all for you to have a different dress from the rest of the girls. Ask if that is an option. She can’t make you wear something that doesn’t fit. Sorry, but she needs to be flexible on this one.

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    ETA: If she doesn’t go for the different dress idea, politely decline.

    Post # 5
    3969 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Would it be possible to let the dress out? I know I had a bridesmaid dress once, they ordered it like 2 sizes too big, and when the seamstress went to take it in, she laughed because she could have let the 2 sizes too small dress out at least 3 sizes!! Just a thought! 

    Post # 6
    3104 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I’m confused as to how you fit a 56″ bust into a 38DDD????

    Anyway, I’m not plus size, but I think I have a pretty valid opinion. This? This is BS on your sister’s part. She seems to really be forcing your hand here. You can get a different dress, but it has to exactly match?

    My only thought is that dressilyme site? Maybe they could make a copy in your size.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a horrible way to treat someone 🙁

    Post # 8
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Did you respond with the issues w/in a reasonable time frame to your sister?  (Within the requested time frame if she posed one?)  If so, I think you are in the clear and have done what you can do.  At this point, all I can think to fix the situation is to call the manufacturer and ask if they have options for larger sizes (adding material, etc.).  If she gets mad at you, well you have my permission to be mad back at her!  Write down your measurements, the max measurements on the site, your efforts to rectify the situation.  Give her a few suggestions: 1) that you mix & match dresses, 2) that everyone try to return the dresses (so tricky to suggest that as she made the error of getting them to buy before it was confirmed that she ought to pick up the tab – on the other hand – I don’t know the facts and if she gave everyone two weeks to reply, it’s reasonable to have gone forward if she couldn’t hear back from you), or 3) if she is unwilling to do 1 or 2, that you will be very sad, but you see no option other than that you drop out of the wedding.  And ask her, does she have a solution the problem?  ETA: You should make it clear (if true still!) that you want to be in the party and that it is her choice to have you take this option you graciously offer to her.

    (I think you are very polite not to get mad at her insensitivity on this topic btw.)

    Post # 9
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    wow. just wow. i am so sorry that she is being so insensitive! i cant imagine doing that to anyone, let alone a sister…

    it makes me sad to think about ending a friendship or damaging a sisterhood over a dress and if you want to be in her wedding still after her behavior – and who would blame you if you didnt? – i think it might be worth trying to work through this. if you wish to be int he Bridal Party, you just need to be clear with her that you will not be able to wear that dress. there is nothing you can do about the color/style, but if they dont make it in your size, they dont make it! if she chooses that dress over you, then that’s on her…

    Post # 10
    211 posts
    Helper bee

    I am betting that she is thinking that you are exaggerated the it won’t fit argument because you really just don’t like the dress.  I would suggest trying to help her to see that there is no way it will fit.  Go to the store together and have the lady measure you? Oh wait you said you were ordering online.  Have your sister measure you?  I would gve that a try and if she still isn’t budging i would give her some options 1.you step down

    2. the two of you pick a dress that will compliment the other dress

    3.  you try to have one made the same as the others

    Good luck!

    Post # 12
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think your choices are to either tell her that “sorry, I didn’t order it because they don’t carry my size” and let her figure out what to do. Or make some more effort to try to find someone to make you a replica in your size (either a knock-off or a seamstress who could make it probably better and maybe a little higher where you want it). 

    Your choice would depend on if you want to be in the wedding.  Do you normally get along with your sister?  Do you think she’ll un-zilla after the wedding and you’ll be sad you didn’t make an effort?  Or is this par for the course with her and you’re better off just asking if you can wear a complimentary dress and do something different in the wedding?

    (I’m also not small so I feel you – she’s being unreasonable but probably has no clue – maybe talk to a parent or other reasonable family member who could mediate a little for you guys?)


    Post # 13
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    If it were me, I’d step down– or at least offer to.  Your sister is in the wrong here, and there’s no reason for you to waste money on a dress that wont fit, and you’ll feel awful in, just to prove her wrong… If she’s that adament on the dress, then she’s not that dead set as making you a member of her wedding party.  

    My sister and I went through something like this (although the details were very different) And finally, my ending point was this:

    You can either compromise and have me in the wedding party, or stick to your plan and I’ll just be a guest.  But you need to accept that I’m the sister you’ve got, not the one you wish you had; and this just isn’t going to work for me.  I’ll leave the decision up to you, which you’d prefer. 

    In the end, she compromised, and I was her MOH– but it took a while.  I would do the research and find the compromise dress, and maybe talk to the other Bridesmaid or Best Man to see if she would wear it too– that way you could do an alternating color thing with the BMs, some in the teal, some in black.  And then let her decide.  But you need to put your foot down that you’re either a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a black dress or a guest at her wedding.  You will NEVER be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in that teal monstrosity. 

    Post # 14
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would look into one of those dress sites that makes copies, if they won’t be able to do it then drop out, but first you should really try to exhaust all options. Also a seamstress could take it out more, it may require additional fabric, but chances are the other girls will have alterations themselves resulting in a few inches of extra fabric that is the exact same, which could be used to make the dress fit.

    Post # 15
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    This makes me so sad!! My bridesmaids are all different sizes and shapes and that was one of the TOP things I took into consideration when picking a dress.

    I wonder if a seamstress could make you a matching dress OR alter the dress in some way (add panels or something) that it would fit? I am having the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses custom made and materials are about $60 and labor is $40 (she is CHEAP!! It’s crazy!).

    There is nothing wrong with YOU. Your body is not the problem. The dress doesn’t fit you, it isn’t the other way around.

    Post # 16
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Tell her she has two options:

    Allow you (and maybe the other busty broad) to wear a different dree


    Essentially kick you out of the Bridesmaid or Best Man. You aren’t the one stepping down, by picking a dress you physically won’t fit in – she’s made that choice for you.

    The topic ‘Not be in the wedding because i literally cant fit in the BM dress??’ is closed to new replies.

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