Post # 1
What would you all do…
I’ve asked all of the 12 ladies that I would like to be in my wedding… Many said YES immediately, one asked if she could have another role because she really didnt want to be a BM ( I respect that 100%) and then there this one… I’ve asked her twice to give me a response. When I initially asked her she didnt even say congrats or anything… she asked “what are the requirements?” She proceeded to saying that she isnt a size 12 or 10 – and on some days she may be a 16… I asked her what that has to do with the price of tea in china.. she said, well you said that the dresses go up to a 16.. I had to stop her and correct ( the dresses have upcharges if they are 18 and up) her misleading statement…
In talking it over with my MOH she thinks I should go back to her again… and I disagree with her. How many times does someone have to ask someone to be in their wedding? Twice is sufficent to me and with no response ( in a week’s time), that is a response all in itself.
What I don’t want to happen is that I waste time on a person who clearly doesnt want to be a part for whatever reason and delay moving forward selecting a person who will be willing to participate.
Am I being too harsh?
Post # 3
I don’t think you should have to ask more then once, because if she wanted to do it she would have said yes the first time.
Post # 4
I didn’t vote in your poll because I don’t think it’s necessary to chase her down for an answer, but I wouldn’t “replace” her either. Just let it go & move on, but don’t try to find someone else for the sake of even sides. These are your friends, not props for wedding pictures!
Post # 5
If you’re asking her to be a BM I assume you are close friends? If I had a friend decline I’d want to know why. I don’t think it’s begging, I’d just be concerned for my friend.
Post # 6
I would drop it. But I also wouldn’t ask another person to be a bridesmaid, just because she said no. Having 12 bridesmaids is a LOT.
Post # 7
I didn’t vote either, because I wouldn’t ask her again, nor would I replace her.
Post # 8
@jna300: Honestly, I wouldn’t push it. You are already having a big wedding party, and that almost always leads to trouble. I am not being negative;I am just being honest. The more women you have in your party, the more likelihood for drama. This friend is already giving you a peek at possible drama. She sounds like she is not comfortable in her own skin. Picking out dresses may be your first nightmare, and then it may get worse from there. She is already telling you what kind of BM she will be. Believe her! Now, if she comes to you an explains her insecurities, then you can take it from there. Otherwise, I would just leave it.
Good luck, and enjoy your planning bride-to-be!
Just added: Please don’t add anyone else! You are already going to have drama with the 11. Do not do this to yourself.
Post # 9
I would let it go longer. Yes, you just got engaged (assumption), and its great that you have so many enthusiastic friends, but maybe she just needs a little while to decide. Maybe she’s having money problems or something else is wrong right now. Let it lay to the side right now, and focus on being her friend. She has plenty of time to decide!
Post # 10
Thanks for the responses… The truth of the matter is that we arent really that close anymore for no specific reason ( life just pulls people in different directions) but in one of those moments of girly emotion I said to her oh of course you’ll be in my wedding ( Now, this was LONG before I ever got engaged LOL) So i felt obligated to keep my word. Now, that being said, I chose her over a person(s) who I am closer to and would have preferred to ask over her and I would like to ask them at this point… Not for pictures but because I want them with me…
I don’t feel like I need to circle back with her again… She is fully aware that she didnt respond to me.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I voted to replace her, but that isn’t my true opinion. I would let it go. If she were a very close friend (or even if not, but I don’t know why you would want to have girls stand up with you that weren’t close), she should have at least congratulated you. She sounds like the type to be bitter over other people’s happiness. In my opinion, 12 BMs is quite a lot…I personally just wouldn’t want to deal with that many girls’ attitudes, lol. Send her an invite to the wedding, but just leave the whole BM thing alone…
Post # 12
Don’t chase her down. Don’t replace her. She doesn’t want to say no, but she basically did. Don’t say anything, just move on. And bridesmaids shouldn’t be “replaceable” especially not when you asked TWELVE girls.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but 12 is ridiculously large. You do realize you’re going to have to get them all gifts???
Post # 13
I wouldn’t ask her at all. 12 bridesmaids is too many!! As someone who’s been a bride, it’s difficult having bridesmaids. If she already doesn’t want to be a bm don’t make her.
Post # 14
Oh, I totally understand more after reading your last post.
I have a friend like that. We used to be very very close. But then I moved across the country, she’s no the best at keeping up with friends so, now we are very distant friends. We rarely talk these days but sometimes when we do, it’s like 2008 all over again.
Now, I immediately knew that although it will probably cause a shit storm of dramatics, I will not be asking her to be in my wedding. It’s my bridal party, it’s my turn to be selfish, and pick some gals that have been supportive throughout my life.
Perhaps she feels the distance too and feels uncomfortable with it? If the friend I mentioned asked me to be in her wedding, I would be uncomfortable- I’d still give her an anwer, but still.
Wishing you luck!
Post # 15
If your wedding date is accurate I’d say give her a bit more time since you’re still a year out, then maybe ask her to coffee and just “check in” maybe if you mention something wedding related she’ll bring it up on her own.. she may just have stuff going on…
Post # 16
I would cry when I realized I had 10+ bridesmaids!
I’d ask her again, but in a friendly way, like when you’re hanging out/talking on the phone/emailing about other things. I wouldn’t make the contact only about that. And I’d give her an easy way to decline.