(Closed) not best friends after the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@doubtingdebbieah:  I would think maybe shes jealous of your relationship OR perhaps the fact that her best friend got “taken away” by this guy. Have you spent much time with her apart from your fiance or has it mainly been the three of you together? I would get annoyed if I never actually got to hang out with my best friend (one on one) to gossip and just do what girls do…

Post # 5
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Things will change, and a true friend is able to be happy for the good things to come in the other friend’s life.


Being a good friend also means you need to understand and stop trying to press your excitement/happiness/what have you on your friend(s). No one will care more about your marriage or wedding than you. Maybe there is a reason she isn’t happy for you (Personal disappointment in her life?) Just because you’re married does not mean your friendship has to change. If she doesn’t want to get to know your SO, that’s her thing. You can’t force her to, and you can’t expect her to. I wouln’t say your friend is unhappy for you, I’d just say that for one reason or another, she’s indifferent. It isn’t your place to try to get her to make friends with your husband.

Sit her down and talk to her. See if something is wrong and what you can do to fix it.

Friendships are not defined by the good times, but are defined by the bad times. If you can’t handle the bad times, well, that says a lot about the relationship right there.

Post # 8
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@doubtingdebbieah:  It doesn’t sound like she’s not wanting to be friends with you, just that you expect her to be friends with your Fiance. Was she friends with him before you got engaged? He’s the same person as he was before, so why should she include him all of a sudden? When my friends got engaged, I didn’t make a huge effort to hang out with the two of them if I wasn’t already friends with the guy. I mostly just hung out with my friend still. I wasn’t being selfish. And when I got engaged, my friends still hung out with me only most of the time.

Have you tried talking to her about it? I think you should say something like you’ve noticed you haven’t hung out as much since you got engaged, is she doing ok?

ETA: Has she shown excitement in the past for you, for other things?

Post # 9
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

 

Sometimes when people get engaged all they can talk about is their wedding, fiance, etc. and they really don’t think they’re doing it all the time but they are. It can get annoying really quickly, even if they love you. (Which is why we all post here. lol)  Also, maybe she’s not as in love with your fiance as you are. You can keep trying to integrate him but maybe do it with lots of other mutual friends until they warm up to each other and she doesn’t feel on the spot or forced. 

Lastly, she could be jealous. 

Basically, I wouldn’t worry about to much. You may need to find some other people to gab about wedding stuff with and know she’s just not into it. If she’s a great friend otherwise try to get them to warm up to each other but you really can’t do much to force it. 

Post # 10
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@doubtingdebbieah:  Well…the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And it sounds like she just might be indifferent on this front. 

That being said, I don’t know how excited, congratulatory or enthused one person can be for a friend, until you just start to feel a little phony about all of it….kind of like faking an orgasm…sure the other person feels awesome, but you know what REALLY happened, and that they’ll expect it again, and again, and again…

It’s a two way street for things like that, and I certainly can float around on a cloud of happiness with a friend for a night over her new ring, her engagement a new baby, a promotion…but at some point, it’s time to talk about important stuff…like who we wish would just die and why we’re scared of the uber trendy salon on the corner but wanna go in there sooo baddddd, and what the hell to do about this weird birthmark on my shoulder….you get it…there’s a cycle to everything and it can’t just be about your wedding all the time, that sucks.

And while I’m super happy that my friends are married and have found people to spend their lives with and I’m super happy to be married and spending my life with Mr. 99, I see no reason to subject each other to the men in our lives and expect amazing friendships to bloom from the second hand roots…we all get together, bbq, have a great time and I think we like each other fine, but…I don’t know those guys from a bucket of paint…just what my girls tell me…and boy the things they tell me!

 

Post # 11
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@doubtingdebbieah:  Then maybe she isn’t your “ideal friend”. Having a requirement that someone else needs to be happy for you is a bit… interesting. You have two options: You can deal with her lack of enthusiasm, or you can break off the friendship. At least, that’s how I see it. If it’s this important to you, it doesn’t seem like this person is going to reach your standards.

Like I said, there might be something going on in her life and who knows? Maybe she feels you’re being selfish for not inquiring? Dunno. You’d know her better than any of us, but if I were in your position, I’d find out if something was wrong before jumping to any conclusions.

Edit: While I am happy for my friend’s achivements, I don’t make a big deal out of it. If one of my friends got engaged tomorrow, sure, I’d give them a big ol’ thumbs up. But I’m not going to make a big show of it — They’re happy, and I’m glad for that. If I’m not an “ideal friend” for being over the moon for their happiness (Which truthfully doesn’t affect me in the slightest. Not even in the “If you’re friends with me my life affects you” sense.) then I guess that’s just the way it is.

I’m more content to stay true to myself than be phony happy for someone who is already happy. They don’t need me to fart rainbows, they’re doing that enough on their own.

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