Post # 1
So we had the dreaded (dreaded in my mind because I hate the topic) name change conversation. And surprise surprise, he told me that he didn’t care if I didn’t change my last name to his! Yes!!! The main reason why I dread the subject is because I grew up in PR and women there do not change their last name. In fact, the kids get two last names, their father first then the mother’s last name, no hyphen just two last names. That is one reason it is difficult for me to reconcile with the idea of changing my last name…it doesn’t feel necessary. I asked if it would be a problem when the kids came along and he said absolutely not. Yes! I can’t believe how much I love this man…
Anyone else not changing their last name?
Post # 3
im not changing my surname either – Fiance doesnt care although i suspect my greek Future Mother-In-Law will be none too happy and i was very surprised to hear my mums thoughts on not changing it
my FI’s surname is a bit too plain and not ethnic enough for me so im sticking to the one i have
call me weird but i like have a surname thats almost unpronouceable!
Post # 4
No name change here. I’ll add his last name as a middle name and he’ll add my last name as a middle name, and everyone is happy except the kids who will have to spell a lot of different names 🙂
Post # 5
I don’t plan to, and it has been a rather large struggle wtih Fi, but i think it helped when his mom told him I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. I might IF we have kids but I’l worry about that if/when it happens.
Post # 6
Me! First of all, I already have a name, have had it for almost 28 years, so I don’t need a new one 😛
Second, also the PR thing. I’m Puerto Rican and I have two last names, and no middle name, and although that has been a bit of a pain in the ass ever since I moved to the States because many people assume that my first last name is a middle name when it’s not, it’s just a matter of correcting people until they get it right. For that purpose, I ended up inserting a hyphen between my last names. So now I’m hyphenated everywhere, except my birth certificate which is in Spanish and has my two last names listed as individual ‘apellidos’.
Then there’s also my professional identity. I want my BS degree and (near-future) PhD degree, along with any papers I get published, to be easily identifiable as belonging to only one person, me. No issues with "formerly known as" or anything like that.
Fiance (who is not Puerto Rican, so he has grown up surrounded by the American tradition of women changing their last names upon marriage) knows that this was non-negotiable from the very start, and he has never even tried to sway my opinion into taking his last name. I’m not asking him to change his name either, so we’re good. After we get married I keep my own name and he keeps his own name and we continue being our own individual selves while becoming a unit as a married couple. And if we ever have kids, we’ll probably give them two last names too, in the Puerto Rican tradition.
Post # 7
I know what a pain it is when your parents have two different last names. Its not fun, from experience. My mom never changed her last name until she changed her citizenship status in the US. My sister and I, when we were born got our mother’s maiden name. After my mom changed her’s there was so much confusion as to if we were her childeren or not. I don’t want to do that with my kids. Plus, it kind of is romantic in a wierd sort of way to be called by his last name. For me, I’m waiting for the day. I have decided that I still don’t like the sound of my first and his last going together so I’m going to put my last name as my middle name. I think it will be great!
Post # 8
I didn’t change my name with either of my previous marriages. I am this time, but I like his last name!
Post # 9
I’m changing my last name to his. I kept my ex’s last name 1) because of my kids, and 2) because I hated my maiden name. It just wouldn’t be respectful to my new husband if I kept the ex’s name.
Post # 10
When my mom and her sisters got married, they made their maiden last name their middle name and took their husbands last name as their last name. I never thought about it until I realized I had to decide. My middle name does not have any family significance, my mom just liked the name when she was pregnant, so I don’t feel bad about losing it. This way I’ll get to keep my old last name and take his name as well.
Post # 11
Ugghh… I got married 3 weeks ago & this is still a touchy subject with him & I… We went out with friends last weekend & it came up, we just had to change the subject.. We got into a HUGE fight over it a month before the wedding & never talked about it again… We just sorta made up without actually talking about it. He seems to think it’s disrespectful for the woman not change it to his last name. He also claimed it’s tradition & that’s "just what you’re supposed to do"… My reply was, ummm… We have done NOTHING "Traditional". We already live together, already have sex… We are having a wedding on a beach with 16 people… Give me a break, we’re not following any rules when it comes to anything else! So in the end, I will be hyphenating, because that is what I feel comfortable with!
Post # 12
I’m keeping mine, and my Fiance is completely ok with it. We’re not having children (both have kids from our previous marriage), so that’s not an issue. After my divorce, I went back to my maiden name and I have no desire whatsoever to change it again!
Post # 13
I had initially thought to change to his last name, and now I’m not sure about the tedious process. It seems easier to stay with my name. I’m still undecided but haven’t spoken with him about it because I don’t want him to be offended. I also don’t want to start something unless it’s necessary.
Post # 14
I will carry both last names..my maiden and his last name.
Post # 15
I’m keeping my last name. It was non-negotiable for me. It’s who I’ve been for more than 30 years and it’s who I’ll continue to be going forward.
My fiance was really cool about it. He said that since it’s my name, it’s completely my choice.
We haven’t told his parents yet though, and I have to admit that I’m a little worried about how they’ll take it. Not that they can sway my opinion, but I don’t want it to become a source of awkwardness between us.
I just had to correct one of his best friends who refered to me as soon-to-be-Mrs.-hislast. The friend clearly thought I was strange for not changing. It’s funny because in FH’s circle of friends all the girls change. In mine, none of them do.
Post # 16
Wow! I’m surprised (and glad) to see so many non-changers, I don’t feel that strange anymore. If this was my first marriage in my 20’s, maybe but at 31 with a career of 14 years, I don’t see the point!