(Closed) Not Changing My Name – fiance' is a bit hurt about that

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

It seems like you have your reasons for not wanting to change it. Hopefully he will understand in time. Just curious.. if his ex didn’t have that last name anymore and you had a good relationship with the kids would it be different?  I know its a hassel to change your name but that wouldn’t be a factor in my decision.

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your name, your choice.  

He can call you honey.

His parents can call you by your first name.

Post # 5
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@CarrieGyrl:  I am 49 and my Fiance wanted me to change my last name (I think it is more “exciting” to do that when you are younger, now it is a pain in the butt). I think he was taken aback when I said I wasn’t sure. A few weeks later he told me to do whatever I wanted. I think he just needed some time to adjust to it.

Post # 7
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@CarrieGyrl:  You can use his last name “socially” and keep your last name! And FH can call you what he has always called you!

Post # 8
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Your name is your choice, but I can understand him feeling sad about it. I’d just let him be bothered and I’m sure he’ll get over it. I don’t understand the Mrs. confusion though…you’re a Mrs. If you’re married, not if you have the same name as your husband. 

Post # 9
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AlwaysSunny:  not exactly.  If she keeps her name, she’s not Mrs. Maidenname.  She’s still Ms. Maidenname.

She will be a wife, though not a Mrs.

Post # 10
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m 53 and just got married in July -my 3rd wedding, but my first marriage 😉 I had my ex’s last name for nearly 29 years, and my children of course have that name. I thought long and hard about name changing. I knew I wanted nothing to do with my ex’s name after the divorce but kept it to make less change for the kids’ sake. Last year I decided I couldn’t stand another day of it and decided to return to my maiden name but before I started the changing process, we got engaged and I reconsidered. Ultimately I decided to take my husband’s name – I look at it this way: we’re a team and I’m all in. I don’t feel any need to make a personal statement by asking him to change his name – he left my name choices up to me. I own my own business (real estate) and it’s no small feat to change everything but I’m nearly finished and it really hasn’t been that hard. Women do it all the time. I’m pretty thrilled to be Mrs. R*** and it turns out he’s just as happy about it as I am.

You can choose to do anything you want with your name. Know that socially, regardless of what you do, people will often refer to you as Mrs. ***. You can correct them or leave it alone. Plenty of women keep their maiden names. If your guy is a little hurt by it, tell him that he can call you Mrs *** all he wants.

Post # 11
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Im so with you on the no name change thing.  I am 25 this is the first time I’ve been married but his second marriage and I don’t plan on changing my name.  He  doesn’t have kids and his ex wife never took his name but his SIL took the name so it wouldn’t feel special or exciting.  Besides I have had this name my whole life why should I change it.  Yes I won’t be a Mrs. but who cares people will probably at some point call me Mrs. Hislastname and that’s fine with me.  

He is getting tired of being called Mr. Mylastname though and one day he came in and said he’d pay for me changing my name because he doesn’t want to be called that anymore!

When I was younger I always thought I would change due to the stigma associated with a Spanish last name. Now that I am older I don’t care anymore. Don’t feel bad about not wanting to change, he needs to get over it. Plus added security for the crazy ex wife thing.  Since you have no contact she cant find out otherwise right?

Post # 13
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Whether to take your husband’s name or not is personal and only you can decide if it’s right for you. I’m from the south and taking your husband’s last name is a given. That being said, I probably won’t do it. We won’t be having kids and there’s no reason to change my name other than his ego. If he wants to have the same last name he can take mine.

I say do what you feel in your heart is right. You’ve had the same name for over half a century. Your child has that name. There’s no reason to change it unless you just want to.

Post # 14
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Tatsinda (message)    May 25, 2013  

@CarrieGyrl:  You can use his last name “socially” and keep your last name! And FH can call you what he has always called you!

 

Ditto!  I took my ex’s last name on my first marraige and promptly changed it back after our divorce – which was a paperwork hell to do.  Over 6 years later I still have to provide extended proof of my name change for various things (job search/background checks, credit references, etc.).  I don’t remember having to do that when I changed it TO my ex’s last name – for some reason it’s more of an issue when I changed it back to maiden. 

I decided I’m not going through all of that again, and at over 40, I’m who I am.  Our friends and family will probably be more confused by it than Fiance was (especially since he’s seen all the paperwork headaches, especially when we bought a house a couple of years ago).

Socially I will very happily be Mrs. so and so!!

Post # 15
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

54 Kept my name for the same reasons; big hassle just chaning my address, let alone my name.  Although, DMV was the easiest, which I feared would be the worse!

Legally  I am still me, but am using First Name   Maiden Name   His Last Name and don’t have any issue with anyone calling me “Mrs.”

Besides, his ex wife had the same first name and middle name as I do, so “that person” already existed as his wife….

And I asked the minister to announce us as “Mr. & Mrs.”

He has no issue with any of this, it’s just a name on a paper!

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First time bride at 44.  I’m already Mrs. B but it will take me a while to get the name change complete legally…like years.  I’m not even going to the SS office or MVA until it’s time for a new license.  I have a mortgage, credit cards, federal civilian ID, work ID…blah, blah, blah.  I’m also established professionally so will always use my maiden name for that reason.  You’re right about it being a huge hassle at this age so I’m just going to take my time.  🙂

The topic ‘Not Changing My Name – fiance' is a bit hurt about that’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors