not choosing a sister to be maid of honour

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I have two sisters both are 12 years or so older than me and even though I feel that my sisters are closer to each other because of their age but I would make both of them my maids of honour because I love them and my other friends aren’t as close to me as my real sisters. My opinion though πŸ˜‰

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Its not wrong, but if it were me in that situation and my sister, she would be devastated! It seems like you are the older one? i am the younger one she is 5 years older than me, and i also had a REALLY close friend that i originally wanted to be my Maid of Honor but i knew my sister would be REALLY REALLY hurt.

You know your sister well enough to know if she would be ok with just an ‘honored’ role and singing… but i would ask her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and have your friend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was younger by almost three years and I will admit I was hurt when my sister didn’t ask me to be bridesmaid.  (I was even more hurt when she went by “age order” and had my cousin next to the maid of honor and me next to the 15 year old Future Sister-In-Law quasi junior-bridesmaid.)  She asked a mutual friend of ours that she no longer keeps in touch with although I still do, to be her Maid/Matron of Honor instead.  I’m well over it now though and still chose to ask her to be my matron of honor, but it has been 13 years.  But yes, odds are that she will be hurt even if she doesn’t say anything.  Keep in mind, just because your sister is Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t mean that your friend couldn’t make a speech and help with planning details….  Geez, the friend planning most with me is (happily, after 14 times previously) not even a bridesmaid.

ETA: Maybe think about who would be more understanding if you didn’t pick them?You could also have two MOHs.  In the end, it’s your choice who you want to be up there with you. 

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My only sister got married last year and I was a bridesmaid, but not Maid/Matron of Honor.  I was completely fine with it.  Our cousin was her Maid/Matron of Honor, and my sister was that same cousins Maid/Matron of Honor years ago, and she has 3 sisters.  Hopefully I didn’t lose you there LOL but anyway, I think it’s completely fine.

Post # 7
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My fiance has a brother and a best friend.. He wanted his best friend to be his best man but knew it would be not okay if he didnt have his brother.. so we chose to have two best men and two maids of honor. and we’re going to allow both to make a speech.. Something to consider.

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

You could always do a Maid of Honor and  Matron of Honor.  It sounds like she will be married before you, so she could hold the title of Matron of Honor, but you could still have a friend as your Maid of Honor (if she isn’t married yet either).  Just an idea.

Post # 9
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You could always have 2 Maids  of Honor. I have 2 best friends that i could not chose between, so i didn’t/

Post # 12
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think if you have a sister that you get along with then i would choose her over a friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor,  your friend would understand and expect that,  but your sister may not understand why you would choose a friend over her.

I have a sister and she wont even be invited let alone be part of my wedding……..she slept with my last husband so lets just say……we dont really get on!  LOL 

Post # 14
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I only have one sister, we are fairly close in age (she is 3 years younger than me) and we are really close, we speak every day. However she is not going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, my reason for this is that she will still be at University when we get married and I think she will have too much on her plate already as a law student in her third year and I remember how stressful that point of university was!!

I want her next to me on the day but she said that she wants to be my bridesmaid rather than Maid/Matron of Honor because it will be easier on her and less stressful and I agree.

There are all sorts of reasons for not chosing a sister, and either way your sister will understand I’m sure πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

While we have a good relationship, my older sister had a friend she was a lot closer with than myself (and I don’t live anywhere near her too), so she made both of us Maid/Matron of Honor to avoid an awkward family situation. So out of 4 Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 were Maid/Matron of Honor. Your situation sounds a little different though, as 3 people are expecting to be Maid/Matron of Honor. If it’s just your sister, then I think it makes the most sense so people’s feelings don’t get hurt. If your friend is as awesome as she sounds, I’m sure if you pull here aside and explain the situation she’ll understand, and tell her you would still like her to be a big part of the process. Hope it works out!

Post # 16
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be very careful. I didn’t think my sister would care, and she ended up really, really invested in it.

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