(Closed) Not chosing own engagment ring….

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

And also how do you stand there and ask for something sooo expensive?!

@FutureMrsHarmon: first of all “sooooo expensive” for you is not “soooo expensive” for all of us. many of us have men that happily told us we could pick whatever ring we wanted. or possibly said, i’ll buy you whatever ring makes you happy, here is my budget. many of us have men that are earning very well, or if not, have still saved a good amount of money just for this special occassion.

personally, i didnt have to ask for anything. my fiance did all the asking, which was the most romantic thing ever. he cared so much to know what i like, and he said since i’d be the one wearing it forever, he wanted it to be something i’d love. he asked what kind of ring i liked, and asked my preferences on different characteristics of the diamond. we stopped by a few jewelers together and walked away feeling excited and happy. and then he took it from there. i had no idea when, where and how he’d propose and it was wonderful.

Your post comes off as smug by the way. Those of us that have any kind of hand in picking the engagement ring do not have any less of a romantic engagement experience than you. And, I can assure you that most women did not demand their fiance to spend a particular amount on a ring. Most of those women had their man ask THEM what would make them happy for a lifetime piece of jewelry, which is such a romantic gesture.

Post # 63
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t choose my own ring, but the proposal wasn’t a surprise.

Fiance told me the first week he met me that he intended to marry me and brushed off all my scoffing as nonsense (which I guess it was). It was killing him for the whole three months he had to wait in order to meet my parents. I told him I couldn’t accept a proposal until he had met my family. And I knew as soon as he’d met them, he’d go down on one knee. There was no way he was going to wait a second longer than he had to.

The ring was a surprise, though. He did try to ask me a few times what I would like, but I told him he needed to pick out something and that I would like anything he chose, as long as it came from the heart. He has excellent taste in jewelry, better than mine, so I knew he’d pick something nice. He even wanted to show it to me beforehand, but I told him he couldn’t.

It ended up being a .77 carat round solitaire in a six prong setting, a nearly flawless, colourless diamond. Being him, he explained all its great attributes to me after I accepted it. I don’t really know anything about diamonds, but he said he chose that one because it’s as close to perfect as a diamond can be and I’m perfect for him, so he thought it was fitting.

I love it because he chose it and put a lot of thought into it. I couldn’t care less what it looked like as long as it was given with love and I’m glad he picked it out by himself.

And maybe the proposal wasn’t super romantic like in the movies, but his eagerness made up for what it lacked in planning. IMO, the best thing about a proposal is knowing that the man you love is literally bursting at the seams to pledge to spend his life with you. The details of how he goes about expressing that are much less important, in my eyes.

Post # 64
186 posts
Blushing bee

Oh, and I didn’t demand something expensive. BF comes from money and his mom has some serious bling so I had to convince BF that the stone (2ct sapphire) was big enough and that he could be proud showing it off! He knows I don’t care about stuff like that but he can’t totally escape it bc his culture growing up/family friends. It was important to me that he could afford the ring with a little stretch of the budget rather than dipping into savings. I couldn’t stop staring at it at the stone dealer and was actually holding us up bc of it! He says “she thinks it’s too small,” and both the jeweler and I were like “lol, no, not at all!” so yeah I didn’t push him into spending money, quite the opposite.

Post # 65
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, I think I got the best of both worlds.  I picked out my own ring, but we only went to look AFTER he proposed.  I didn’t care about the whole, down on one knee with a rin in a little box fantasy, so it worked for us.  He asked, I said yes, we went and got a ring I loved. 

Post # 66
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Not me. I think the ring isn’t what makes it romantic, it’s the proposal that’s romantic. I’m picking out my ring, THANK GOD. It’s going to be on my finger everyday and I definitely want a say in what it will look like. I love rounds too and my SO told me he was thinking of getting the “square” shape, which I am not a fan of, at all. So happy he didn’t do that! I wasn’t the one to suggest picking out the setting either. My bf wants to get me a nice setting/diamond and says he doesn’t want to spend all that money on something I may not like. HE said don’t worry too much about price and focus it on what you want and love in a e-ring. I don’t feel bad about it because he WANTS to spend his money on the ring I want, and he can afford to. I’m gonna be his wife, why feel bad about him wanting to buy his future wife nice jewelry? So I’m picking the setting and what center stone shape I want, and he’s going to buy center stone carat size and quality. Have no clue what I’m getting in that sense. So I’m excited for that surprise in terms of the ring! And let’s be honest, the center stone is where the $$$ comes into play, in most cases, and I’m actually happy I have no say in that. I’m not the one to demand a certain size or any of that. I’m glad that will all be on him and what he wants/can afford at this time. 

Also, I have no idea when he is proposing, but I know it’s sometime this fall, early winter. And it’s not cause I have a say in the ring either. We’re long distance and have talked timeline, so whether or not I had a say in my ring, I would’ve known when to suspect a proposal. 

I have no doubt it is still going to be amazingly special and one of the best moments of my life. 

 ETA: Also, I am not solely picking my own and calling it a day. I want his input and want to get a ring we BOTH love and am having a great time deciding on this very important piece of jewelry together. 

Post # 67
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015


View original reply
@JustLove25:  and @blueskies7:  Couldn’t have said it better myself ladies! This post really irked me so I was hesitant about replying in case I said something snarky. Like the other PPs have stated, choosing my ring is not taking any of the romance away from my impending proposal. The man I love and who loves is going to ask me to be wife and to spend the rest of my life with him – that in itself embodies romance. So what if I have an idea when he will propose or that I chose my engagement ring? He will be asking me to marry him – that’s enough to sweep me off my feet and set my heat aflutter… that is plenty romantic.

Oh and I didn’t stand there and ask him to buy me something expensive. We worked out a budget for my ring and his watch TOGETHER. We did what worked for us as a couple.

Post # 68
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I picked my own ring and it was still romantic and a total surprise. I had found a ring I loved and showed it to Fiance and was pretty effusive about my love for it so there was never any doubt that he would by me anything else. As to when he bought the ring and gave it to me, I was totally in the dark. I didn’t see my proposal coming at all and I can honestly say it was one of the best moments of my entire life. Even right now a full 6 months later I still well up remembering the sincerity in his face as he kneeled before me and asked me to marry him. I totally forgot about the ring for a good 10 minutes when he asked me, I just wanted to hug him. What was in the ring box and who picked it was just icing on the cake.

Also because I picked my own ring, we came in very under budget. If Fiance had had his way we would have gotten a ring from Gemesis which would have been 4-5x more expensive than the ring I have.

Post # 69
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FutureMrsHarmon:  Yeah it seems kind of weird to me too…about the whole “being surprised by the engagement when you already know it’s coming.” I didn’t pick my ring either and I really love the fact that my Fiance put in the effort to look for a ring for me, rather than me telling him and him just forking over the cash and purchase it. People just function in different ways.

Post # 70
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My thoughts are from the opposite side, I had to choose a ring for my Fiance.  I really wanted her to pick it out, or at least give me some good guidlines.  She wanted nothing of it, she wanted to be totally surprised and gave me little to work with.  She said nothing too big and to spend less than one months salary and even one month was pushing it. She said she knew that she would love whatever I picked out because it came from me.  It was really overwhelming for me there are so many options and I really had no clue what she liked. I knew that she loved color so right away I narrowed it down to a setting with sapphires then since she wanted something small I went with a high quality diamond and stayed within the budget because I did know that she would be upset if I spent too much. She loves her ring and says that it’s perfect.

While I would have loved some help from her in choosing her lack of involvement led to a great surprise.  When we had talked about marriage I told her I didn’t have money saved up for a ring as I was trying to get out of debt and that it would be one more year before I proposed. She agreed to wait another year, so she was beyond surprised when I popped the question a year early!

Post # 71
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

By the time we could afford to get engaged and married we had been living together for 5 years so it seemed uneccesary to have him do a proper proposal as if it was his decision. That’s not thr dynamic of our relationship. Getting married as soon as we could reasonably afford it was on the cards since the day we got together and he told everyone he knew he was going to marry me  the first time he saw me. That’s plenty of romance for me. 

Post # 72
638 posts
Busy bee

I struggle with this too. At first, I wanted to be involved. But then I did not want to be directing so much what I want. I ended up sending him a picture of a solitaire I like and said, this is it, I’ve stopped looking. I said this exact one, or a similar style. So although I’d be thrilled if he got the exact one I sent, I have a feeling he’s going to go and look and pick on his own, with my preference in mind.

I like the idea that I will be surprised with what I actually receive, and I think I will love it because he put the effort into it. And it seems like he wants to do it more or less on his own with the guideline I gave him.

I really struggle with the amount of spending though, he makes ok money but I feel bad if I think he has to sacrifice some of his own stuff in order to get the ring. I purposely stayed less than $1000 for the setting (we already have the diamond). But I always have a hard time asking for anything for me and always feel like I dint deserve it…

Post # 73
26 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wasn´t involved in picking my ring and it was a complete surprise when he proposed. I just mentioned a while ago what kind of ring I would love if he would ever propose and he kept that in mind. I felt he would propose within the next 2 years but had no clue when he was our ring shopping or anything else. And I loved it that I didn´t know anything about his plans. I was happy the way he did it…

Post # 74
27 posts
  • Wedding: November 2016

@sarakat02:  Similar story here! He woke me up one day and said we were going for Coffee and Shopping. It was a suprise because Fiance hates shopping with the burning intensity of 10000 white hot suns! We had a lovely coffee and breakfast and than walking down the street in the middle of Melbourne stopping outside Tiffany and Co, he says ‘we are going ring shopping’ and I said ‘huh’ and he said ‘I am saying I love you more than anyone in this world and am asking you to marry me, come pick a ring’. 


I still got my proposal, it wasn’t a huge grand thing where he was on one knee, but it was simple, like our relationship, perfect for us and as a bonus, I got to pick a ring which was exactly what I loved and wanted to have on my finger for the rest of my life. It was perfect. I had more fun standing in Tiffany’s with him, trying on rings, picking the perfect one, than having a proposal with a ring. It was part of the experience for me. 

Post # 75
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well then I guess my proposal with the roaring fire, flowers, love letter and secret photographer in the backyard of our future home was just the least romantic thing ever!

There was still loads of thrill and excitement because while I knew what the ring looked like I had absolutely no clue when/where/how he was going to propose. Knowing what the ring looked like didn’t make it any less special. Actually, being able to go with him to look at and try on rings was really exciting and romantic in itself. It’s also not like I demanded to pick out my own ring, we decided together that it was the best option.

I think you have to do what’s right for you and everybody is different…

Post # 76
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would have been totally fine if my Fiance had chosen my ring, but that wasn’t going to happen. Neither of us had any idea what I’d want (I mean, I had preferences like white gold), so we shopped together and I ended up picking my own ring because he wanted me to be happy. Had he wanted to pick out the ring for me, I would have been okay if he’d chosen–I was okay with picking 5 rings and letting him choose whichever, but our biggest problem was that I didn’t like anything and some things I did like were way out of our price range.

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