(Closed) Not chosing own engagment ring….

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
11734 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@blueskies7:  +1 to your first and third paragraph! I was feeling the same way.

Post # 78
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I get what you’re saying about losing the romance when the proposal isn’t a surprise. We’ve all seen too many movies where the guy gets down one one knee and produces the perfect ring and the girl cries with happiness. However if my SO chose the ring himself, my tears wouldn’t be tears of happiness – they’d be tears of shock that he wasted so much money on a ring I’ll never wear!

I’d love a surprise proposal with a perfect ring, but unfortunately my SO doesn’t share my taste in rings. Left to his own devices he’d buy me something like the ring his mother has, which some girls would love but I think is totally bland and boring (round solitaire in white gold). I want something more detailed and blingy, a square stone not round, in platinum not white gold. I could explain this to him till I’m blue in the face, and he’d still take his mother ring shopping with him, and I’d still end up with exactly what she has. So I’d prefer to give up the dream of a romantic surprise proposal in order to be able to choose a ring that I actually like and feel proud to wear.

Post # 79
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I found this post to be a little judgemental.  I love the way my situtation turned out and wouldnt change it for the world.  Everyone is different, and I think every MAN is different.  My husband would NOT shop without me.  He wanted help and I loved that he asked.  I also got a stone that was perfect for me without him spending too much on it.  He was also really excited to go pick up the ring, so we went together.  We made a night out of it and went from hid dads house to my dads house to show it off.  I got to wear it immediately without an ‘official’ proposal.  I think us picking out a ring together was romantic and I didnt need the proposal that some women want. 

As a bonus, we were going on vacation together 3 weeks later to NYC (he had never been) and he asked for the ring back, so he could ‘officially propose’ while we were there.  We also set up engagement pictures in Central Park, so we have a great memento of the trip and that time in our lives.  I think its a great story to tell our daughter, even without being ‘completely swept off my feet with the thrill and excitment of having no clue!’

Post # 80
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that my engagement ring means more to me because he picked it himself with no help..

It means that he put the time and effort in to picking one that he thought I would love just as much as I love him..I find the fact that he chose it himself way more romatic then if I would have went with him and chose one myself….

 

I really love the ring that he picked out and he also has picked out my wedding band as well… just goes to show you how well he really knows me.

Post # 81
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have a hard time understanding how other people’s preferences, like picking out your own ring, have an affect on anyone else. 

Post # 82
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

your husband definitely loves you more if he picked out the ring by himself.

 

Post # 83
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’ve seen all my friends returning their rings after engagement because it was not their style, or their SO got ripped off, etc. Every single one of them had to get a new ring. Sending a man to a jewellery shop seems so cruel since they don’t have any clue about anything and the sales people just take advantage of it.

I was much happier picking the jeweller together, discussing options and my tastes together. He also didn’t consider so many things like our active lifestyle and the type of materials that would last a lifetime, the fact that I wanted something eco friendly. I definitely wanted input on something that I will be wearing for the rest of my life.

I also don’t like surprises. We discussed our future together and we agreed on a timeline together. We tend to team work on pretty much everything. We each “proposed” to each other on our terms because that was romantic for us 🙂 I took him to his favourtie ski resort for the week-end. He took me on a whirlwind adventure during our 5 year anniversary complete with fireworks 🙂 To each their own, you know

Post # 85
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Ashley_B:  Aww, your situation sounds exactly like mine! I love picturing my Fiance going to the jewelry store by himself and really putting a lot of thought into which ring would be right for me. So romantic!

Post # 86
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hehe…I guess I want it all and got it all~~

I got a surprised proposal and got a huge bling-bling~~ =)

Years ago I told my mom what designs I like…and when my fiance plan on proposing, he did TONS of research on the diamond (gotta say…he did REALLY good job…above and beyond, over and exceed my expectation!!) and he asked my mom what kind of settings I like BUT knowing I’m a mechanical engineer designer, he knows I would prolly re-design it anyway…lol (And yes, I am re-desigining the settings…cost an extra $2k but hey, it’s a ring that I’m gonna wear it for the rest of my life…so I have to LOVE IT…and he doesn’t mind at all~~)

So, when my fiance propose…it was a surprised and he showed up with a ring that’s 90% of what I have in mind (he got a triple excellent cut diamond that’s sooooo sparkly…)

Loooooove my boy!! =)

Post # 87
Member
3694 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My husband wanted me to be involved.  I didn’t ask him for anything, other than to decide if he wanted to spend his life with me.  He told me what he had already decided to spend and we decided together what kind of diamond to buy, then he wanted me to pick out the setting. 

The proposal was still very romantic, and was a surprise.  In fact, I find it even more romantic that my husband was so concerned with my opinion and how I felt about the whole thing.  Doing it together was fun and exciting. 

Post # 89
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I’m in the smae boat– my husband completely surprised me and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  He has a better time picking out jewelry for me than I do, and I’m madly in love with my ring. 

 

Post # 90
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I fail to see how picking out your own engagement ring = “ask[ing] for something sooo expensive?!” You’re not “asking”. He is offering it to you. Assuming he wants to get engaged, then he had every intention of getting you a ring. I would also venture to say that a majority of SOs are not sitting there going, “I hope she picks something CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! YAH!!!” so they also had every intention of spending a fair amount of money (relative to their situation) on it.

I also am bothered by the statement, “I mean Im sure not all girls do, but I probably would have felt awful asking for anything over 100 bucks!” I think that this the start of thinking like you and SO are a team so as his future partner in life, you shouldn’t “feel awful” about asking for anything within reason, and I feel like most brides are reasonable and would not demand something that’s 3x what their SO can afford. Certainly, there are those brides that do, but that majority of people are not like that.

In all honesty, based on how many ladies we know (and here on WB) that were surprised by their rings (and romanced, as you categorize it) but don’t LOVE their rings, I think I would rather forego some of the surprise and romance in exchange for the confidence my SO has in knowing he spent his hard-earned money on something I truly love. I think it is way less romantic to shove the ring away somewhere (for “safe keeping” aka “I didn’t love it and hope I get a great band”) or swap it out for something else that’s more to their liking.

Post # 91
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I fail to see how picking out your own engagement ring = “ask[ing] for something sooo expensive?!” You’re not “asking”. He is offering it to you as a gift. Assuming he wants to get engaged, then he had every intention of getting you a ring. I would also venture to say that a majority of SOs are not sitting there going, “I hope she picks something CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP! YAH!!!” so they also had every intention of spending a fair amount of money (relative to their situation) on it.

I also am bothered by the statement, “I mean Im sure not all girls do, but I probably would have felt awful asking for anything over 100 bucks!” I think that this the start of thinking like you and SO are a team so as his future partner in life, you shouldn’t “feel awful” about asking for anything within reason, and I feel like most brides are reasonable and would not demand something that’s 3x what their SO can afford. Certainly, there are those brides that do, but that majority of people are not like that.

In all honesty, based on how many ladies we know (and here on WB) that were surprised by their rings (and romanced, as you categorize it) but don’t LOVE their rings, I think I would rather forego some of the surprise and romance in exchange for the confidence my SO has in knowing he spent his hard-earned money on something I truly love. I think it is way less romantic to shove the ring away somewhere (for “safe keeping” aka “I didn’t love it and hope I get a great band”) or swap it out for something else that’s more to their liking.

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