(Closed) Not chosing own engagment ring….

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 122
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsHarmon:  I have Fiance ideas about what I wanted…and he got me something completely different!  It’s 100% from his heart and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Post # 123
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My husband picked the ring and everything to do with the proposal. I was so surprised when I got to the bee and saw how involved people were in picking the ring and knowing about the proposal with timelines etc. The proposal and ring is one thing in his life that your DH will have total control over, so I did not want to ruin his moment. I love the ring and particularly love it because it was his choice! 

Also I would never tell him what to buy me for a birthday or christmas as I think its rude to request a gift. I would feel the same way about the e-ring. I would think it highly presumptuous.  

However each to their own and if bees want to control the proposal and ring buying that is  their prerogative!  

Post # 124
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@FutureMrsHarmon: To those of you who dont care about other brides/couples choices (or how ever you care to word it) why even post it? Or anything on here? The start of EVERY thread on this website it a bride talking about her choices. Why are you even here?

To answer this question, this thread reminds of the times I see “I don’t get why everyone is using mason jars. It’s so overdone!” (just an example I don’t really care what people use).

This type of post comes off, to me, as entitled and as if the way you did things is better than how another person chose to. That is why I don’t understand the point of threads that have no affect on your life whatsoever or why you’re letting other’s choices bug you.

The other threads I see on here, wedding wise, are what do you think of my dress/colors/decor/etc. Those in no way have any affect on me or anyone else commenting. Those threads are looking for advice or affirmation. To me, that’s very different.

Post # 125
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i dont think it’s a big deal… sometimes the guy really doesnt know what you want… and although it’s the thought that counts, you also don’t want him spending an investment and it’s not something enjoyable. if youre dating for like 2 months then i can understand why the proposal would such a shock. personally, if youre dating a guy for a really long time, then at some point the marriage subject have had to come up so the proposal couldn’t be 100% of a surprise regardless. there had to have been that 1% that deep down inside you knew…

Post # 126
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Thatswhatshesaid:  I picked my own ring, so I certainly don’t think women who do are psycho. But it’s not like I had already picked it out before my husband even asked what I wanted.

Post # 127
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@plzhalp:  I think you may be in the minority. Many women at least have a general idea of what they like and don’t like before the engagement. We’re not talking down to the precise carat (e.g. it HAS to be 1.45 carats or bust) or something, but most adult women have seen ads/movies/people with rings and will have formulated some sort of opinion as to what they like and don’t like whether it is WG vs YG, solitaire vs multiple stones/side stones, etc. It’s one thing to simply know what one likes and another to be “There’s an ring at T&Co. right now that is 1.3 carats, E, VVS1, in x setting and that’s the EXACT one I have to have.” There’s only a few bees that have pinpointed the exact ring they wanted, but it’s usually a unique (often Etsy) one that you don’t come across often.

Post # 128
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@lilbluebird:  Maybe I just don’t grasp the concept of a man asking me to marry him without having known me well enough to know the basics of what I like in jewelry. 

Post # 129
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013



My fiance knows me so well.  He knows I’m not the typical white diamond type and he bought me a London Blue topaz ring with black diamonds in the band.  It is perfect!!!  And I was completely surprised!  Me happy 🙂 Lol

Post # 130
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m torn here. I showed him styles that I liked… we were of course discussing marriage and how we envisioned our future, so it’s not like the idea of a proposal would have been a surprise. Then he worked with my mom, who knows exactly what I like, to design the final product. It isn’t exactly what I showed him, but I absolutely love it and I love that it’s something he put time and effort into rather than just forking over the cash for something. Just my perspective, though 🙂

Post # 131
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@plzhalp:  My husband and I have been married for years, we have 2 kids and are crazy in love with each other. He has no clue what I would want for jewelry other than what I tell him. Who cares?

Post # 132
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@KatyElle:  +1  

I am not picky at all, but he specifically asked what kind of ring I wanted and we went together and tried the rings out. I am so happy we did that together. 

Post # 133
356 posts
Helper bee

@FutureMrsHarmon:  Though I picked my stone and we picked the setting together, I actually agree with you that it is less exciting and less romantic.  But if I weigh the negatives of being less exciting and romantic against the negatives of getting a ring I don’t want and either having to wear it forever/for a long time or having to take it back and exchange it (also unromantic), I choose just picking what I like from the get-go.  I’d rather have a little less romance and get what I want than have more romance and get something I don’t really want.

Post # 134
3 posts
  • Wedding: March 2014

I totally agree with OP. I never wanted to know when I was going to be proposed to. Me and my fiance didnt even talk about marriage before he proposed and I loved that! I was happy to know that it was his decision, and his only. I didnt pester him or make him feel pressured. I had been thinking about it a lot before he proposed and I just like to think that we are just that in sync…not to sound cheesy.

And the ring is beautiful. Ive always done better having people pick stuff out for me because i am so indecisive. and i love that he chose it himself. that he looked at it and thought of me.

i would also feel very awkward having that conversation or shopping. I really think it ruins what it is all about.

Post # 135
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@emstar168:  That’s so funny! My response was “Are you serious?!! You tricked me!”…then a big YES!

We went shopping for my ring together. At first he was set on doing it himself and having the big surprise but then he thought about it and realized it’s a lot of money so why gamble with the hope that she likes it? I said “you tricked me” because he told me (months after we picked out “the” ring) that the store called and said they couldn’t make the ring (something was wrong with the setting or some crap) and that we needed to go shopping again…so when he proposed I was totally surprised!

I guess I got the best of both worlds…a surprise proposal and my dream ring 🙂

Post # 136
8 posts
  • Wedding: September 2017

I pretty much have told my SO the idea of what I want and shown him some examples through my BFF which he is going to her with all the questions lol

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