(Closed) Not close to extended family, a little bummed…(sorry, kind of long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m really sorry. My family was considered the same way, my siblings and I were raised differently than both sides of the family. We live within a 10 mile radius of everyone in our family (both maternal and paternal sides)–honestly I get really sad sometimes when I see that I don’t get included in something or my family members don’t wan tto call me up. It didn’t help I was the “nerd” in the group on my dad’s side and the “oldest” on my mom’s side. I do know that I love my family and they are great, they give me a lot of drama, but at the end of the day I have made my own extended network of family who are close friends, their parents (who serve as aunts and uncles) and nieces and nephews. I love them all very much and they are another great supporting network. I know it’s hard, but trust me, sometimes it’s for the best. 

Post # 4
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@PinkPandaBear:  Awww hun I ams so sorry you’re going through this! Please know that you most certainly are NOT alone in feeling this way, I think weddings can really bring all this family crap to a head.

I am in a similar situation: half of my extended family is very close, and the other half we don’t speak to at all, and haven’t for years. Fiance on the other hand is extremely close with his family, especially his grandparents. I only have one grandmother and she could not care less about me, or my sister. My dad called and told her we were getting married and she never even acknowleged it, let alone actually spoke to me to even say congratulations :(. All she did was start bitching about osmehting that had NOTHING to do with us. It really hurt my feelings, because this is my ONLY grandparent. Meanwhile FI’s grandparents are like something out of a freakin movie: his grandma bakes homemade EVERYTHING, and they are just the sweetest, kindest poeple…and just besides themselves we’re getting married.

I don’t really have any advice persay, but I just really wanted you to know you’re not alone. Also, I give you mad props for inviting them. You did your part, and tried to involve them. If they don;t want to be at a kick-ass wedding, then it’s their loss…

Post # 6
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

I am sorry for your uncomfortable family situation, mine is similar.

My advice is to hold your family in your heart, but don’t let them hurt you. Embrace the new life you are starting with your Darling Husband and his family. If your family “wakes up” one days and realizes that they are missing a terrific person (you) from the get-togethers. Then great, but if not it is their loss. I am sure you are a sweet wonderful and giving person. Otherwise your Darling Husband would not love you and want to have you in his family. Focus on your love and the love you are given from Darling Husband and his family (which is now your family too.) Love is blind, so embrace those who see you for being wonderful and put aside your pain from those who don’t.

 

Best wishes for a long and happy marriage!

 

Post # 7
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I too have a bunch of estranged family members due to estate drama and well…just being assholes, I guess!  Basically the ladies on my mother’s side (and their families) are super awesome and are doing whatever they can to attend my wedding.  My father’s side I think are basically ignoring the fact that I’m getting married.  I *could* try really hard to go out of my way to make this happen but I look at it like this:  They spent half of my life trying to avoid the reality that we are the same family.  It’s time for me to move on and build my own…which I have through my friends and my fiance’s family.

Family is good but don’t dwell on those that you can’t change.  Spend your time deepening the relationship with those you have. 

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