Post # 1
I’m not really sure why this bum’s me out but it does. A little backstory to set the scene: Growing up, my nuclear family was always the ‘black sheep’ of my extended family. For some reason or other my family has never been particularly close with my dad’s family. My mom’s from Japan so we never really knew her family either.For whatever reason my aunts, uncles and grandparents on my dad’s side have always been dismisssive of my siblings and I. Despite my mom reaching out to them, we were never invited to birthday parties or included in holiday dinners or ever had a close relationship. I don’t know why but I always got the impression that they kind of looked down on us. Admittedly we’re defintely the largest and probably the least financially secure of the family tree (guess that makes us the poor relations huh?).
Anywho. We just sent out invites for our at home reception and I’m slightly bummed that all of my nearby relatives (Gpa, Uncle, Aunt and cousins) have declined to attend. I feel like I’m constantly trying to reach out to them and stay in contact but those efforts are always rebuffed.
My immediate family now lives very far away from me and despite the awesomness that are my current in laws I sometimes wish I were closer to my own extended family members. I see how close DH is with his Uncle and his cousins, and how involved his Grandma is with his life and I get jealous sometimes that I don’t have a close relationship with my own relatives.
Should I keep trying to reach out to my relatives or is it kind of a lost cause? Anyone else out there have indifferent relatives? How do you deal with it? Or do you not and just focus on creating your ‘new’ family?
Post # 3
I’m really sorry. My family was considered the same way, my siblings and I were raised differently than both sides of the family. We live within a 10 mile radius of everyone in our family (both maternal and paternal sides)–honestly I get really sad sometimes when I see that I don’t get included in something or my family members don’t wan tto call me up. It didn’t help I was the “nerd” in the group on my dad’s side and the “oldest” on my mom’s side. I do know that I love my family and they are great, they give me a lot of drama, but at the end of the day I have made my own extended network of family who are close friends, their parents (who serve as aunts and uncles) and nieces and nephews. I love them all very much and they are another great supporting network. I know it’s hard, but trust me, sometimes it’s for the best.
Post # 4
@PinkPandaBear: Awww hun I ams so sorry you’re going through this! Please know that you most certainly are NOT alone in feeling this way, I think weddings can really bring all this family crap to a head.
I am in a similar situation: half of my extended family is very close, and the other half we don’t speak to at all, and haven’t for years. Fiance on the other hand is extremely close with his family, especially his grandparents. I only have one grandmother and she could not care less about me, or my sister. My dad called and told her we were getting married and she never even acknowleged it, let alone actually spoke to me to even say congratulations :(. All she did was start bitching about osmehting that had NOTHING to do with us. It really hurt my feelings, because this is my ONLY grandparent. Meanwhile FI’s grandparents are like something out of a freakin movie: his grandma bakes homemade EVERYTHING, and they are just the sweetest, kindest poeple…and just besides themselves we’re getting married.
I don’t really have any advice persay, but I just really wanted you to know you’re not alone. Also, I give you mad props for inviting them. You did your part, and tried to involve them. If they don;t want to be at a kick-ass wedding, then it’s their loss…
Post # 5
Thanks ladies! I feel better knowing I’m not the only one, although I’m sorry that you’re families are boogies. @thegoogler88:
You’re totally right, it is for the best I suppose. I guess if I put it in another perspective I wouldn’t waste my time trying to be friends with someone, I guess it’s sadly the same case with relatives as well.
My grandfather is exactly the same way, sadly enough. He clearly has a favorite grandchild and they get all the attention – whenever my dad tried to tell him about one of us graduating from college or even when I told him I was getting married he would just shift focus to what my cousin was doing. It’s a little off putting so I just stopped contacting him after a whle. It’s a stark contrast to DH’s grandparents who sound exactly like your FI’s!
I guess that’s the other side to the you can choose your friends, not your family.
Post # 6
I am sorry for your uncomfortable family situation, mine is similar.
My advice is to hold your family in your heart, but don’t let them hurt you. Embrace the new life you are starting with your DH and his family. If your family “wakes up” one days and realizes that they are missing a terrific person (you) from the get-togethers. Then great, but if not it is their loss. I am sure you are a sweet wonderful and giving person. Otherwise your DH would not love you and want to have you in his family. Focus on your love and the love you are given from DH and his family (which is now your family too.) Love is blind, so embrace those who see you for being wonderful and put aside your pain from those who don’t.
Best wishes for a long and happy marriage!
Post # 7
I too have a bunch of estranged family members due to estate drama and well…just being assholes, I guess! Basically the ladies on my mother’s side (and their families) are super awesome and are doing whatever they can to attend my wedding. My father’s side I think are basically ignoring the fact that I’m getting married. I *could* try really hard to go out of my way to make this happen but I look at it like this: They spent half of my life trying to avoid the reality that we are the same family. It’s time for me to move on and build my own…which I have through my friends and my fiance’s family.
Family is good but don’t dwell on those that you can’t change. Spend your time deepening the relationship with those you have.