Post # 1
I know there’s dozens of similar posts already about this, but I’ve been having major regrets about having a wedding reception to the point where it’s affecting my mood and how I’ve been acting.
It’s not so much the marrying part that bothers me, but the reception and all the criticism I’ve been getting while planning it. Yes, after each hurdle things more or less end up resolving themselves, but to do it over and over again has just been exhausting and this big wedding (yes I’m only inviting 60ish people but I originally wanted 30 or less) has just been putting me in a bad mood.
It’s just too much for me…I hate how dysfunctional both sides of our families are. The wedding’s in November, and I just feel like I’m standing on the line with my friends to a rollercoaster. I hate rollercoasters.
Post # 3
There’s no law that says you have to have a reception if you don’t want one… and if you do want one, just keep it simple and low-key. You could even just book a restaurant for the night and tell people they can join you there after if they want (and they pay for their own). If there is someone who is just making your life difficult about and you don’t personally care too much how the reception goes, you could always just put that person in charge of planning it. Lots of different options. It doesn’t have to be a high stress affair.
Post # 4
Oh sweetie, I’ve been there!! I am so non-bridal. Even when I was a teenager when most girls had already picked their dream dress or whatever, I wasn’t all that into it. I purposely tried not to have a wedding-y wedding, but plans never work out the way you want them to. It still wasn’t very wedding-y, which basically made it look like I was TRYING to do a real wedding and failed…LOL. Oh well, I don’t care, I liked it. Someone will always have an opinion. If you have a very posh and lavish wedding, someone will say you’re wasting money or something. If you go completely non-traditional, someone won’t ‘get it’ and think it’s tacky or stupid. Basically, you can’t please everyone so don’t try. Work on making YOUR day about what you and your Fiance want, and no one else. When the day comes, you’ll be so happy that everyone around you will be happy too, even if they don’t like your centerpieces
Post # 5
I feel this way too. I’ve been telling Fi that if he wants a wedding party, we need to hire a wedding planner because it’s never going to happen if I’m planning it.
On the one hand, I’m a indecisive person. I can’t make a decision. Ex: Fi: Honey what do you want to eat? Me: I don’t know. Fi: Indian? Me: No, etc … Fi starts getting stressed : ok maybe I’ll give you some time to think about it. It usually takes us 3 hours if he leaves it up to me for us to figure it out. I’m the kind of person where I know what I don’t want – but I don’t know what I want.
On the other hand, I think about all the stress involved with planning the wedding, and I just shy away from it. In the beginning, Fi and I wanted a very small intimate wedding. Then we realized if we didn’t invite all of his family, there would be really big drama. So now we have to invite all of his family. And then we realized that his family is family friends with my family friends, so now I have to invite all my parents friends .. and their families or else there is going to be more drama. I don’t want to deal with all the drama that’s going to come from his family at each step, and planning a wedding in of itself takes a lot of work. Every time I start trying to plan, I just keep thinking about what his family is going to have to say about this and that and then I’m just like .. ok don’t feel like planning it and getting in a bad mood. Just going to procrastinate until someone else does it for me. Or we elope, because then we’ll just deal with the shit hitting the fan after we come back … or I’ll just keep putting off dealing with his family … I can be quite good at procrastinating as I’ve been proving to myself with this wedding stuff.
Post # 6
If I hadn’t booked a DJ and venue already I definitely would have just gone the restaurant route. My fiance’s brother isn’t going to be there after all because he has to serve a prison sentence and he’s the only reason I created a bridal party because he and their mother said that he “had” to be best man.
I also live 500+ miles away from where the wedding is. I did this because I don’t live where I grew up anymore but I wanted to make things convenient for the majority of the guests. So planning that has been rough.
I’m also having dress regret…I really didn’t want a white gown but I ended up buying one because everyone said that I needed to. I guess I got tired of all the comments about me changing stuff to the point where it wouldn’t even be recognizable as a wedding.
All of you are basically echo-ing what I’m going through though. When I booked a DJ that has great reviews, my dad and his wife said he was too expensive, but then when I got a good photographer and caterer for a good deal, everyone said that was too cheap. And then there’s the cycles that our moms go through of telling us that we’re making a big mistake because we’re too young. Then the next week they’re all excited about the wedding and want to add their friend or another relative to the guest list >.< Lol, you really can’t please everyone. I just need to remind myself that the day will be fine, no matter what does go wrong.
Post # 7
Have the event YOU want. If this is too much for you to handle and you are not enjoying it, it’s time to revamp. Trust your gut.
Post # 8
Do whatever you want not everyone else. The only thing very wedding-y about our wedding is my dress/ceremony part. Our reception will have no DJ and no dancing or all that crap there will just be drinks and some light food and basically just hanging around talking with our friends as we would if we had invited them over for a barbeque. The people in my family expect me to have this big wedding with all the standard wedding things and boy will they be in for a suprise. It is YOUR day so make it how you want it, if someone else doesn’t like it then too bad they can do what they want for their wedding, they don’t get to dictate yours. If you don’t want a reception don’t have one or like a PP said go out to a restaurant and just have dinner with the people closest to you.
Post # 10
I cna totally relate! I am so freaked out about making the wrong decision and disappointing anyone that I can’t choose anything.
There are two ways you can go about this: One is you can enlist sympathetic family members and your wedding party to serve as buffers on your behalf. They can help keep you sane, and (maybe) quiet some of your more outspoken relatives.
The other option is to decide that since this is so important to others, and not to you, that you just go with the flow and get through the wedding with as few bruises as possible. It’s a sad option because you should enjoy your day, but it is just a day.
Post # 11
@WillyNilly: My dad is paying. He’s neutral about everything really. He knows me and that my style is a little different. It’s our moms, aunts, cousins, and friends that are difficult. I know it’s only a big deal if I let it be.