Not Dating Fiancee/Spouse

posted 12 months ago in Relationships
Post # 18
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1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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welcometotheclarkside :  We try to make even mundane things dates. Grocery shopping at costco? Taking the dog for a walk at the park? Both dates! We just make the best of the time we have together. We have been together 7 years, living together for 5, married for 2. You have to just go with what you have. We try to do a date a week. Or like next weekend is “date weekend” where we each plan a day (we both have been traveling a lot so we decided we needed this for eachother). Nothing crazy expensive, we are both finding groupons for activities and planning meals. 

Post # 19
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8747 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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welcometotheclarkside :  life gets crazy sometimes and we can’t always fit in dates either, but one thing that I find really helps is distraction-free dinner time. Even if you just throw a frozen pizza in the oven take the time to sit together, at a table, without phones or TV, and talk about ANYTHING other than mundane household management stuff. Even that 20 minutes a day is great for staying connected and not just existing in the same space. 

Post # 20
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Dating for almost 9 years, getting married in June of this year, living together for 8 years. 

We do couch dates. Make dinner, watch a show or movie together. We also do brunch at home Sunday morning. Make breakfast tacos and mimosas at home.

Post # 21
Hostess
3986 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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welcometotheclarkside :  We recently bought a house, so I feel your pain!  Some of our favorite date nights are drinking wine and watching a movie at home, walking around our city, trying new coffee shops, and taking our dog to the dog park.  Not as exciting as a trip to Japan, but it’s been really fun to be lowkey and connect.  We make sure to do something once a week unless I’m traveling for work.  Together 12 years. 

Post # 22
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1089 posts
Bumble bee

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welcometotheclarkside :  I wasn’t aware of her schedule, but somewhat assumed that she also worked weekends (I don’t know any PhD students that don’t). I’m quite surprised, though, that she is able to maintain such a consistent schedule. How many years of her PhD does she have left? Also, how do you split household chores? There may be some wiggle room there. 

You could find a spot to read/catch up on work/watch movies in a nearby library or cafe. The point is, when you are with someone in academia or who works long hours in general, you have to be creative. Finally, as a note, as busy as she is now, if she stays in academia, it wouldn’t be surprising if she were busier after she graduates.

Post # 23
Member
9371 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

when my DS turned one year, he started sleeping at grandma’s on wednesday nights.  she was our nanny.  Darling Husband and I did date night.  we’d usually meet somewhere right after work so we were driving separately.  we’d meet for ice cream, take a walk around a park, etc.  then go home and watch tv.

now with 2 kids, we have date night every now and then.  either grandma or we pay one of my son’s teachers.  we go out to dinner, went to a comedy show a few weeks ago.

Post # 24
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3970 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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welcometotheclarkside :  Fiance and I have this issue sometimes. We’ll have a board game night, cook dinner together & eat at the table (we’re usually in front of the TV eaters) or go out to eat just the two of us. Sometimes even just a walk or an hour of breaking away from the normal routine is enough to make us feel more connected to each other. Are you able to have dinner ready when she gets home (I’m assuming you’re home first) and ask her to go for a walk after dinner? I know when I’m swamped & Fiance asks me to add another thing onto my to-do list, even if its something fun, it overwhelms me. But when he takes care of something for me so I have a little extra free time, I’m more than happy to carve that time out for him! Not only that but it makes me feel SO loved and appreciated. 

Post # 25
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

To be honest, when my fiance and I were dating, we never really went on too many actual “dates” most of the time we just hung out and talked and played board/video games or watch something silly or something, it did feel like we were having quality time with each other so it didn’t bother us. We are kind of fine not going on too many “dates” as long as we can spend quality time hanging out regularly.

Post # 26
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940 posts
Busy bee

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welcometotheclarkside :  try to set aside time together; maybe spend half an hour every night before bedtime together.

I would say meditate together. Honestly soudns weird but it really does bring the relationship closer for me and my SO. We sit criss cross apple sauce on the bed or floor and hug and lean in so our foreheads touch and take deep slow calming breaths. It is so peacful and relaxing and it feels like you’re connecting with your partner ona much more intimate level. Or spend tume time to Talk about personal things not just work or school. Talk about deep things, ask the other questions to learn more about them.

As far as doing things outrside the house, we go on walks and talks around the neighborhood, or we go to the park and have an ice cream beofre we go back hoem to work/study. We go out to eat lunch/dinner. We try to watch a movie or a couple shows on week nights. I cook dinner often for him, not bc i have to (he knows how to cook too), but bc I love him and its my way of sharing love. And he definitely acknowledges it all the time. Idk, little things can be big 🙂

Post # 27
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Another Bee here who has “dates” as doing errands/chores together. 

We’ll ask each other “want to go on a date to the grocery store?” “want to go on a dog walk date?” “want to go on a date to home depot?” We also try to do movie night one weekend night.

Honestly our dog walk dates are probably my favorite. It used to be that we lived in a tiny apartment with no yard so every night before bed the dog would need to be taken on a pee-walk. We’d do a 15-20 minute loop around the neighborhood and it was fun being out when the neighborhood was asleep. Now we have a yard but we’ll sometimes take her out for a bedtime walk just because we enjoyed them. 

We also live in a cold climate and those walks definitely decrease during the winter, but we also have warm gear so just layer up – but we love being outside! I expect that with spring around the corner that we’ll do more frequent evening ‘dates walks’ again 🙂

Post # 28
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1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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welcometotheclarkside :  Hi Bee! 

Fiance and I had this exact problem. We’ve been saving for something big for the last 3 years! First it was moving across the country, then it was buying a house, now it’s the wedding. Always bloody saving!

So of course, going out is kind of not an option for us.

So, every Friday (without fail) we both keep our night free. We buy a bottle or two of wine, cook a nice dinner, and eat at our dining table

Then we watch a movie on the couch, and go to bed together (usually I’m in bed first as I have 0430 gym wake ups)

It’s kept the romance alive in our lives. Often we skip the movie, and just spend the evening on the couch, drinking wine, laughing, making plans for the future, playing with the dog. Like, it’s been a ritual for so long. I love it. I look forward to Friday nights every week, and I hope even after the wedding when we’re not going to be so gun-ho on the savings wagon, we still keep this tradition going.

Post # 29
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1090 posts
Bumble bee

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welcometotheclarkside :  My fiancés schedule is pretty demanding too. When he’s not at work, he’s on his phone answering work texts and emails. He’s expected to be available pretty much 24/7. I usually see him one weeknight a week, and we put aside one day a week (usually Saturday) to hang out all day together. Most of my nights I spend alone at the gym. We’ve settled into this routine, and I’m comfortable with it because I keep myself occupied when I don’t see him. Sometimes I’ll cook, and sometimes we’ll go out to dinner and a movie. He will tape our favorite shows, and we’ll watch those on nights we stay in. You could take a picnic to a park; meet up for a drink at a local brewery after work; go for walks at night before bed; go get ice cream; check out a local street fair…there are lots of ways to spend time just being with each other, and unwinding after a stressful day/week. 

I just saw your comment that you live in the mountains. Buy a couple sets of snow shoes for winter hikes together. Snow shoeing is so much fun, and good exercise! And aside from the initial purchase of the shoes, it’s free! 

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