Post # 1
I’m going through a not-so-good phase lately. Many of my friends have either coupled up or recently gotten engaged, and I’m jealous. I know that its not politically correct to say so. I’m single, trying to live my life and enjoying it. No dates in years and I feel like a self-fulfilling prophecy: I want to meet someone and marry. Yet, I’m afraid that it will never happen.
My best friend and several other close friends are encouraging me to move to their city, which is a larger metropolitan area than where I am now.
I have a job where I’ve been for a few years that I really enjoy. I’d have to leave the company where I am to move to this other city. Also, I’m not finding much in the way of a similar position there wirh other companies after several months of looking. I’m definitely not moving until I find such a position, so the entire idea might be moot about moving in the first place.
Is it stupid to move to a new city to find love? I really would love opinions from Bees about this. I’ve lived in my city for five years and haven’t met anyone to date. Maybe its time for me to move on, so to speak.
Post # 2
I don’t see why not. A new place, a fresh start? Do you feel you are stuck in a bit of a rutt where you currently are? xo
Post # 3
happyjuju : A rut? Not really. Frustrated? Very.
Post # 4
mojitomint44 : What are you doing to meet people?
Post # 5
mojitomint44 : Are you currently in a small town? Is there a reason you haven’t dated at all, have you tried dating sites?
I think you should do whatever makes you happy and there is nothing wrong with knowing you want a realtionship. My only question is what will be different in the new city?
Post # 6
julies1949 : I volunteer, do meet up groups, go social dancing, have an online dating profile on four websites and have kept them updated for years. I attend the many social events and festivals that happen in our city that are offered through Yelp and other organizations. Also, I’ve hosted some dinner parties, game nights and and cocktail parties inviting my friends to bring someone new.
Belichick : I don’t live in a small town per se, but it has a very small town mentality. They are about 225,000 people who live here. The jist is that if you didn’t come here for school then you were born here and your parents were born here and everyone is connected by 3 degrees of separation.
The city that I am considering has about 2 million people. So I suspect it’s a much bigger potential dating pool.
Post # 7
mojitomint44 : Do you initiate contact with someone who catches your interest on the dating sites? Or, do you wait for someone to contact you? Do you invite anyone you meet at any of your acivities to go for coffee after?
Post # 8
julies1949 : Yep. I reach out very frequently to guys and invite them out for me to meet for tea/coffee.
The responses that I get are 95% of the time: Radio Silence or you seem nice, but you’re not my type. I’ve gotten some yeses and then up was stood up in the end.
Post # 9
I understand that feeling you’re talking about. It sucks.
What activities do you do outside of work? Are you regularly engaged in activities that you are passionate about and where you have the chance to encounter new people? Are there areas that are just outside of your current environment that you do not frequent often that you could visit?
I’d continue searching in the larger area for work but if you generally like where you are and your job, I’d pretend I’d just moved there and act like a tourist- get out and explore, find places you haven’t been before, expand your stomping grounds, say yes to invitations and opportunites for a period of time.
Post # 10
225K people already is a pretty big dating pool. I wouldn’t count on magically finding the ONE just because you move to a bigger city. I do not know you at all and can only speak from my experience. Wanting a relationship badly can make you come accross desperate, and that usually makes men run pretty fast. So if you feel like the move will make you lighten up, focusing on something else then absolutely YES, move. But if you continue to focus on finding a man so much I don’t think the move will make you happy.
I know it is easier said than done. I honestly feel like you have the best luck if you just come to peace with the posibility to stay single and find other things (job, projects, animals, anything) that truly fulfill you and make you happy. Just some food for thought
Post # 11
Firstly I find it odd you’re online yet have not had many dates. Online seems a great way to date. Maybe there’s something you’re missing in your profile that would make the difference. I met my husband on tinder so I’m a fan (although it does require time and effort). You sound like an interesting busy person. I wonder if you’re going for the ‘wrong’ guys or something?
Im not a huge fan of dating gurus and stuff like that BUT I find this guy has some really good info and advice. There’s loads of free stuff on his site and reading his blog. I’ve recommended his website to friends and they too got a lot out of it.
As for moving – sometime just changing the energy up in your life can bring in good things. I was feeling similar to you in my mid 30s and did actually make steps to leave the job I love and apply for a big promotion with a different company oversees. I ended up not going but I think that shift in my energy and focus on a broader horizon (including some travelling and festivals and fun stuff just because I could!), definitely bought good things in my life. So I say go for it. Nothing is permanent and an opportunity to live somewhere new is exciting. But do it because you want to live there and have new experiences not just because of a relationship.
I say use it to update your dating profile though!
Post # 12
I was a chronic mover when I was single! I enjoyed every minute of it. Hell, I even left a few guys in order to move to a city, town, whatever that seemed more appealing. I regret nothing. I wish I could up and go now and then, TBH! I never cared all that much about finding love, though… I just did whatever I felt like and what made the most sense academically and career wise.
Do you think this is part of your problem, that you’re fixating too much on something that shouldn’t otherwise define you?
A change of scenery is good, BUT you can’t enter a new city thinking MR. Right is just waiting at the local coffee shop for you. It’s more about the experience.
Post # 13
I also find it very odd that you aren’t getting more dates from the online dating websites…. You aren’t in a really small town or anything.
I think you should fix up your online dating profiles and really think about what type of men you are trying to find.
Post # 14
mojitomint44 : I wouldn’t move there just yet, personally. Especially if you don’t have a job there that you love. You could totally spend time in that city if it’s close enough (a weekend or a night out). Have you tried online dating? I know it sort of has a stigma, but a lot of people have found success.
Also, I think that Aziz Ansari’s new book called Modern Romance is really funny and insightful on modern dating and how to make it work. It’s co-written by a sociologist, so it’s legitimate social science.
Post # 15
I met me now fiance’ from a dating website. I was on at least 4 different websites like you and I always had guys contacting me and wanting to meet me. There was no way that I would be able to meet up with all of them. I was on the dating websites for 2 years off and on before I met my fiance. I was open to meeting new people. I would meet them at coffee houses to see if there was a mutual connection. I enjoyed hanging out and going on dates and being open to the possiblity of meeting someone. What type of pictures do you have on your profile and what type of information such as interests and those types of things do you have listed? I used that information to determine which guys I would contact and I’m sure they may be doing the same with you. Use pictures that show you having fun and enjoying yourself. Not saying that you aren’t. Stay positive it will happen. I met my guy in Oct. 2014. He proposed Nov. 2015 and we are getting married this year. Like everyone has stated continue being active in different things. I will happen for you. I actually reached out to my fiance’ first. He wasn’t active on the site that much and was actually coming on the site to delete his profile.