Post # 31
Maybe I have a different perspective than everyone else, but I don’t know if it is a good idea to move cities. Granted it’s not exactly scientific research, but I have two friends who moved to largers cities to find love and they just found it harder to meet serious partners, more strenous and “competitive” (small fish big pond thing) and were generally more frustrated than before (because they felt like having not found love with a huge amount of people around they must be truly defective)
I think, though, to be honest, they weren’t finding love for other reasons. They are amazing, funny and attractive women. Sometimes it’s something else (and it’s your job to look into that) For one friend, it turns out she was terribly, horribly afraid of rejection, so she was putting out this “I am actually afraid to meet someone” vibe. She is now working on opening up to really inviting a relationship into her life instead of just looking but not wanting to find like she was before.
Also, like a PP said, online dating should be more successful than it has been for you. What’s going on in your profile? (check out Evan Marc Katz, he has incredible tips and insight into online dating) and also the book “Love Factually” which I found really worthwhile.
In the meantime I would not consider moving (especially since you sound like you liek where you live and your job now) I would consider thinking about in what ways you may be holding yourself back…
Hugs and the best of luck to you!
ETA: I just read that with you looking for a jewish partner. Okay, well that makes it harder, but not impossible. You definitely shouldn’t be afraid of paid dating sites! If anything the people there are more interested in finding a genuine relationship (that they are willing to pay money to do so says a lot) Get on the paid websites! And check out this Tedtalk from Amy Webb who was also looking for a Jewish partner and how she went about finding the love of her life online. It’s awesome.
Post # 32
I’ve decided to join an online dating site for six months as a paid member to see what happens. I’ve not had success in dating in my area, so I’m casting the net wider to a few hours’ drive away.
We’ll see what happens after the six months, but moving is likely still in the cards.
Post # 33
I was recently offered a position in a similar field in the new city, and am in the process of moving at this moment to take it. Trying to get into this company specifically is extremely difficult, and I was surprised and touched that they chose me.
Since I’ve joined the two paid dating sites and expanded my radius to four hours away from my current city, I’ve had no dates. Not a one. I’m really thinking that it was a geographic issue. The new city is 8 hours south of where I am now.
I’ll update if anything changes dating-wise.
Post # 34
I was very surprised you hadn’t met any potential love interests since you seem so active and flexible but then I read that you will only consider dating someone Jewish. Only considering Jewish guys is pretty limiting so it’s actually not quite so surprising. I think your pool of possibilities would be a lot greater in a large, metropolitan city. I also think sometimes change is good. Sounds like you have a great opportunity career-wise too. FWIW I think you are making a good decision. Best of luck!
Post # 35
Moving sounds like a great plan, given everything you’ve said above — and congratulations on the job!! That’s amazing!! I bet things go better in your new city 🙂
Post # 36
Two months in, no dates. Nothing at all. I was considering moving back to my old city, yet that’s not a problem solver either.
I give up, throwing in the towel. At least I’ve stopped literally crying my eyes out every day like I used to do before I moved over this subject.
A good friend, the last person that I literally expected to date anyone, let alone marry suddenly was proposed to and married a guy from her church within a week’s time. I found out, and am really happy for them. For myself, I cannot hold hope anymore.
For the record, my dating profiles have never mentioned my exclusivity to date only Jewish man and I’ve never got a date as a result of them. I hear all of the time that I’m smart and wonderful and a lovely person. Yet, I feel that there’s something wrong with me if I’m not getting a date at all.
I’m not going to bother anymore. What’s the use?
Post # 37
Sorry to hear that it hasn’t changed anything. I met my fiancé online on a free site. I think the timing was just right because he sent me a message within three days of me joining the site. The timing might not be right for you right now. It could be as simple as that. Are you at least getting messages from guys who you just aren’t interested in going out with? I should also mention that I had three dates the week I met my fiancé, and I assumed he’d be the dud date. So you never know…
Post # 38
Give it time to get acclimated to your new city, it takes more than two months to adjust.
Enjoy learning your new area and your new job. And please give yourself some credit. Your disposition seems a little “negative” and it is hard to meet someone serious when you don’t feel good about yourself.
FWIW, I got married at 38, it’s never too late. Hang in there and enjoy your 30’s! 👍
Post # 39
No. No messages from anyone at all.
I understand what you mean by timing possibly not being right.
Valid and truthful point taken.
Post # 40
I agree with apollo. FWIW, just remember that when people try to escape or move from current situations thinking life is better elsewhere, they take themselves with them. So as much as a change of scenery can be a refreshing thing, it doesn’t mean your thoughts and expectations have changed. As long as one feels anxiety or frustration, the more love has a way of eluding. When you can forget about it and just enjoy your life, then love has a way of finding you…and you’ll be in a better space to get it.
Post # 41
Also agree with southernbride16…good advice.
Post # 42
Have you messaged any guys?
Post # 43
Yes. At last count, 337 since I’ve moved here.
Post # 44
Totally get the Jewish thing– just wanted to voice some support. I’m really surprised you are getting so much pushback! The good news is, there are lots of Jewish guys who feel the same way.
100% move to the new city. It’s all about the population of eligible (for you) men. If you are living somewhere with a larger Jewish population I bet you will be overwhelmed by the offers 🙂
source: this Catholic girl has been to 5 Jewish weddings for her closest friends, and lived through the dating drama before that!
Post # 45
Meeting someone and getting married within a week is just plain scary. I wouldn’t be jealous.