(Closed) Not doing so well….

posted 4 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 31
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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mojitomint44 :  Maybe I have a different perspective than everyone else, but I don’t know if it is a good idea to move cities. Granted it’s not exactly scientific research, but I have two friends who moved to largers cities to find love and they just found it harder to meet serious partners, more strenous and “competitive” (small fish big pond thing) and were generally more frustrated than before (because they felt like having not found love with a huge amount of people around they must be truly defective)

I think, though, to be honest, they weren’t finding love for other reasons. They are amazing, funny and attractive women. Sometimes it’s something else (and it’s your job to look into that) For one friend, it turns out she was terribly, horribly afraid of rejection, so she was putting out this “I am actually afraid to meet someone” vibe. She is now working on opening up to really inviting a relationship into her life instead of just looking but not wanting to find like she was before.

Also, like a PP said, online dating should be more successful than it has been for you. What’s going on in your profile? (check out Evan Marc Katz, he has incredible tips and insight into online dating) and also the book “Love Factually” which I found really worthwhile. 

In the meantime I would not consider moving (especially since you sound like you liek where you live and your job now) I would consider thinking about in what ways you may be holding yourself back…

Hugs and the best of luck to you!

ETA: I just read that with you looking for a jewish partner. Okay, well that makes it harder, but not impossible. You definitely shouldn’t be afraid of paid dating sites! If anything the people there are more interested in finding a genuine relationship (that they are willing to pay money to do so says a lot) Get on the paid websites! And check out this Tedtalk from Amy Webb who was also looking for a Jewish partner and how she went about finding the love of her life online. It’s awesome.  

 

 

Post # 34
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

I was very surprised you hadn’t met any potential love interests since you seem so active and flexible but then I read that you will only consider dating someone Jewish. Only considering Jewish guys is pretty limiting so it’s actually not quite so surprising. I think your pool of possibilities would be a lot greater in a large, metropolitan city. I also think sometimes change is good. Sounds like you have a great opportunity career-wise too. FWIW I think you are making a good decision. Best of luck!

Post # 35
Member
47 posts
Newbee

 

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shirithecheery :  Moving sounds like a great plan, given everything you’ve said above — and congratulations on the job!! That’s amazing!! I bet things go better in your new city 🙂

Post # 37
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Sorry to hear that it hasn’t changed anything. I met my fiancé online on a free site. I think the timing was just right because he sent me a message within three days of me joining the site. The timing might not be right for you right now. It could be as simple as that. frown Are you at least getting messages from guys who you just aren’t interested in going out with? I should also mention that I had three dates the week I met my fiancé, and I assumed he’d be the dud date. So you never know…

Post # 38
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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shirithecheery :  Give it time to get acclimated to your new city, it takes more than two months to adjust. 

Enjoy learning your new area and your new job. And please give yourself some credit. Your disposition seems a little “negative” and it is hard to meet someone serious when you don’t feel good about yourself. 

FWIW, I got married at 38, it’s never too late. Hang in there and enjoy your 30’s! 👍

Post # 40
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I agree with apollo. FWIW, just remember that when people try to escape or move from current situations thinking life is better elsewhere, they take themselves with them. So as much as a change of scenery can be a refreshing thing, it doesn’t mean your thoughts and expectations have changed. As long as one feels anxiety or frustration, the more love has a way of eluding. When you can forget about it and just enjoy your life, then love has a way of finding you…and you’ll be in a better space to get it.

Post # 41
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

Also agree with southernbride16…good advice.

Post # 44
Member
44 posts
Newbee

Totally get the Jewish thing– just wanted to voice some support. I’m really surprised you are getting so much pushback! The good news is, there are lots of Jewish guys who feel the same way.

100% move to the new city. It’s all about the population of eligible (for you) men. If you are living somewhere with a larger Jewish population I bet you will be overwhelmed by the offers 🙂

 

source: this Catholic girl has been to 5 Jewish weddings for her closest friends, and lived through the dating drama before that!

Post # 45
Member
2875 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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shirithecheery :  Meeting someone and getting married within a week is just plain scary. I wouldn’t be jealous.

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