Post # 1
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
So far wedding planning has not been all it’s cracked up to be. My SIL and Brother dropped out of the wedding because she wasn’t happy with the dress I had originally picked out and then when the other bridesmaids asked her to back off and just wear the dress she took herself out of the wedding and my brother; my 1 and only sibling is no longer in our wedding 🙁 she almost took my nephew out but my mom put her foot down on that one. So now our wedding party is my Future Sister-In-Law who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and other Future Sister-In-Law, a very dear friend and one of my cousins. Which is wonderful except the past 2 months my Maid/Matron of Honor has not been talking to us. She feels we are too busy and neglecting her. I am currently working 2 jobs as a nurse, my Fiance is in school for Paramedic so he has classes and clinicals to schedule plus he is working fulltime; we barely see each other except in bed at night. On top of this my Fiance has 2 kids ages 6,7 that we have 50/50 custody of, so trying to work around their school and not have a baby-sitter is a complete challenge. So far there has been no help with anyone with planning, no talk of showers, parties, etc. I guess mostly I am just disappointed, I expected this to be fun to plan and instead it’s just me and Fiance planning everything. Sometimes I wonder why we are spending all this money when no one cares enough to even help or offer to help or plan parties, much less even ASK about the wedding. Lately I have been telling Fiance we should just go away for the weekend and get married, because what’s important to me is the marriage, not so much the wedding (yes I want the fairy tale wedding ever girls dream of and I’m sure I would regret not doing that). I never imagined I would have to plan my own wedding shower. Sorry for the rant and raving…
Post # 3
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
wow, first of all I can’t believe your SIL and brother dropped out over a dress! that is SO lame and rude!!! I wouldn’t dream of that in a million years! I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man, didn’t like my dress, got over it in about two minutes and didn’t ever tell the bride, ever. you do sound REALLY busy and stressed out – maybe an elopement is the way forward? EVeryone that I have heard of who has eloped hasn’t had a moment’s regret. Or just have a really small event, with just you, Fiance and two friends or something. Or a small Destination Wedding. But seriously, it really sounds pretty awful right now – if you can get to Vegas or anywhere else, why not go for it?!!?
Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
I am so sorry! That is terrible. It sounds like you need a new bridal party. I was forced to wear a bad (REALLY BAD) bridesmaid dress. I didn’t quit because of it. It is an honor to even be asked. This should be a fun time for the two of you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.Could you plan an elopement and then a marriage celebration later when things calm down? Hugs
Check out my awful dress in this post. It will make you laugh http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/most-hideous-bm-dress
Post # 5
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
i went through this at the beginning of my planning….and im still kinda dealing with it. i ended up have a bridesmaids meeting, and giving the girls a chance to tell me what they expected from me and what i expected of them. Most of my bridesmaids have never been in a wedding before so they had no idea!
Just tell them how you feel…and if it comes down to you not having as many Bridesmaid or Best Man then that is their loss…but this day is about you and your Fiance…thats it…no one else.
Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
One of that HARDEST things through all this has been dealing with my family. Fiance and I have been together for almost 2 years but I have known him for about 5 1/2 because we met at work. Anyways 1 year after we began dating one of Fiance ex gf’s sent a letter asking for a paternity test of her child (I knew before dating Fiance that he had been in a relationship with this woman a year before we dated, however she admitted she cheated on him and told him the baby was someone elses). Well we got the results back 2 months later and found out he is the father. After many talks Fiance decided he would just pay child support and currently does not want to be in her life (he has 2 kids from a previous marriage). We both struggled through all this to decide what he should do, ultimately he decided for now that is what he wants. Through all this my love for Fiance never faded or dwindled, I knew this was the man I wanted to be with and the father of my future kids. However, my parents do not agree with his decision or my choice to marry him. My mom and SIL are so much closer than me and my mom so my mom told my SIL and brother what was going and being the judgemental people they are they all were against wedding. After they saw it was going to happen they kinda came around. I think my sIL and brother backing out has more to do with this than the dress…
Post # 7
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
@Miss Zinfandel: Im so sorry to hear all of this for you. I think your SIL is wrong for pulling your brother out of your wedding, Your brother should have still been involved.
HUGS
Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
Just an update about our situation. Last night my Maid/Matron of Honor (who happens to be my FSIL) pulled herself, her husband (bestman) and their daughter (flower girl) out of our wedding and told us to HAVE A NICE LIFE!. Their reasoning? Because we are too busy with our lives right now and they don’t feel we try to include them in anything anymore. For the past 2 months I have kept all my BM’s up to date on finding a new dress and Maid/Matron of Honor has NEVER EVER said a word to me about going dress shopping, anything. And yet because I don’t call her everyday to see what’s new she doesn’t want to be in our wedding. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at what a joke this is turning out to be. Fiance and I don’t know what to do anymore…
Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
OMG I am so sorry. I don’t even know the right words. I am so so so so very sorry. 🙁
Post # 10
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
Wow. All of this is awful. People are jealous!!! Sounds like you and your Fiance are doing well for yourselves and make choices that suit the TWO of you…
Honestly, I realize that when it comes to weddings, pregnancies, etc. NO ONE is ever going to be as excited as you. Its not ever going to be as important to everyone else as it is to you. That’s just how it is. BUT….people who love you should be HAPPY for you and be loving and supportive and excited FOR you….
If jealously and anger over petty shit gets in the way of how family should feel during your time, GOOD RIDDANCE. Don’t spend a penny more on your wedding. Use all that money on the REAL fun and good time…the HONEYMOON!! 🙂
Good luck!! 🙂 (HUGS!)
Post # 11
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
@Miss Zinfandel:
I hear you! It’s so tough to juggle all the life stuff AND deal with planning the wedding AND deal with the people you want . We are having a destination wedding and the great thing about it is that the folks who are joining us are pumped. It has left some friends out because they can not make the trip but we are having a reception in the States to accommodate for them. Even then I can’t guarantee they will even come to that. I have had no one offer to throw a wedding shower for me. My mother has stage 3 Alzheimer’s and sadly out of the wedding planning part. I know if she was still okay she’d get some things together for me. I had a ‘best friend’ who was all talk about doing a bachelorette party for me but she didn’t come through at all.. so I took matters into my own hands. Check it: My high school best friend is getting married two weeks before me so I had the idea to throw a joint Bachelorette party with her. I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor so I got her to give me names of people she wanted to invite and I included my friends. We just had the most kick butt bachelorette beach weekend. Memorable. Some girlfriends that I would have loved to have been there couldn’t make it but I was so so honored by the ones who did. Again, I’m also not having a wedding shower (mainly because no one has offered.) I don’t feel bad about this at all and prefer this because I don’t have a wedding party and it is generally something they throw. I’d rather people spend the money joining us at our tropical wedding destination then buy that crate and barrel whatever or contribute to our honeymoon registry(which is what we did instead of a regular registry) My fiance and I already have a lot of the things you would get a wedding shower anyway. Your post just spoke to me because I was feeling disappointed in folks that we wanted to make a part of our big day but they kinda dropped off of the face of the earth since we got engaged. It feels bad but the beautiful thing is that some of my friendships have flourished during this time. I love the fact, again that without attendants not a one of my fiends feels obligated to do anything for me or buy anything. Relish in those who care.. you will have someone who cares, sounds like your mom is in it to win it with you! 🙂 When folks like to say, “You’re wedding is just not as important to them as it is to you” never makes you feel better(it may add some perspective) so I’m hear to say that you may find some friendships that will flourish for you during your engagement.. Relish in those!
Post # 12
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
@elimel123: You are so right. During this time one of my bridesmaids has really stepped up to the plate, and although we decided not to have a Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man anymore (we don’t the new people to feel they were second best) I completely consider this bridesmaid my go to girl 🙂 Thank you for making me realize I need to look around and find who is supportive and surround myself with those people.
On a side note my ex Maid/Matron of Honor is now texting my Fiance (her brother) and asking him if he really wants to do this, if he knows what he is doing, etc. And running around telling everyone I kicked her out of the wedding. I am an emotional basketcase and Fiance doesn’t know what to do to make me feel better. I feel like he has to choose between me and his family (his sister is the only family member that feels this way and the rest think she is off the deep end). I’m trying to remain opitimistic and push through.
Post # 13
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper
OMG you poor thing. Really your ex-MOH is a freaking bitch! How dare she. She’s trying to torpedo your wedding. Thats so disgusting. Personally, I’d elope to a fabulous location, keep it very real intimate and screw the rest of them.
Post # 14
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
Uhhhg!!! Sounds like a nightmare.
I really couldn’t agree with bklybridetobe:
Personally, I’d elope to a fabulous location, keep it very real intimate and screw the rest of them.
You can always turn this around and make it all about YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND-to-Be!
If not this crap will pass and you will have an amazing day in 2012. Positive 🙂
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