(Closed) Not dress regret, but… ambivalence?

posted 4 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

I felt the same exact way as you.  I never cried about my dress, or really any of the wedding process.  I can’t say for certain why some people do and some others don’t.  I’m thrilled to be married and my wedding was a blast, so I don’t think it’s a negative thing at all.  I think we are all sold on the idea (through various wedding dress shows, wedding websites, facebook etc) that the wedding planning phase is full of all sorts of drama from start to finish.  So much emphasis is placed on “the dress” that we all think we should react a certain way.  This is fine if you normally love shopping, love the idea of shopping for a dress.  I personally didn’t.  I enjoyed my dress, but clothes in general never make me “feel” anything.  To me, they are something I wear everyday, but it isn’t terribly important to me.  Kind of like a car is from getting from A to B.

I don’t think you’re odd at all.  I think it might be a mistake if you keep “window shopping” for another dress.  With weddings (everything from caterer to photog to florist), you could always look at something else, evaluate other choices up until your wedding day.   

If you picked this dress out because you find it flattering, I say keep it.  No tears necessary.  I find crying over a dress and being obsessed with sports team performance in the same category.  I understand some people go NUTS over it, but I just don’t get it.  It doesn’t happen for me.  I have never cried over someone else’s dress either.  That usually happens for me at the vows!

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  doglover89.
Post # 4
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

I genuinely think this dress is really lovely. That bodice is just drop-dead gorgeous. Congratulations! It is timeless. 

I get what you are saying though. I’ve been married once before and actually bought the first dress I tried on because it looked nice.  I didn’t really have a strong reaction to it, I just thought it would be … nice and I was happy to find it. I did try on some more a week later because my friends were a bit shocked that i bought the first one, but none of the dresses made me any happier so I stopped looking and trusted my gut that the dress was a good choice. 

A lot of brides get super excited about the moment when they find The One, but there’s a lot of us out there who don’t feel the same way. And tend not to fuss about it. You might get more of a buzz when you have your accessories and shoes on, hair and makeup etc.  Or not. Anway you’re not abnormal, you’re not weird, and you will be a lovely bride in this dress which everyone will admire 🙂  

Post # 5
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It’s a beautiful dress and it will definitely do the job. I got the feelings and the tears and went on to try probably 60+ more dresses, none felt the same but I also never felt ‘this would work’. It doesn’t seem like a huge priority to you and that’s okay. You’ll look great and I don’t think you’ll regret it. Hope your first fitting in March gives you more warm fuzzies, but if not, that’s okay too 🙂

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Yes, you’ve just described my reaction perfectly. It was the third dress i tried on and my mum and sister cried. I liked it perfectly fine but didn’t really have an overwhelming reaction- it ticked boxes, made me look slim and wasn’t outrageously priced.

Two top-notch bridal salons later, both of which were awful and embarrassing experiences (plus size bride, street size 14 top, 16-18 bottom being told i had not many options and must order a size 26 dress that you could fit at least 2 of me in up top…), i called the original salon, popped in that afternoon and back into the dress and paid for it on the spot.

For me it is just a dress… and one I’m never wearing again! My Darling Husband said i looked gorgeous and that really was all that mattered in the end. 

 

Post # 7
Member
9290 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i wasn’t gaga over my dress, didn’t cry, didn’t go crazy.  it is ok not to do those things.

i went to maybe 5 stores over 2 weeks trying on dresses.  finally, i think i was tired of the whole process and wanted it to be over.  so i picked one that i liked enough and that my mom said looked really good on me.

i knew what i didn’t want so it was easy to eliminate those.

 

Post # 8
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

I never had a “moment” either. Just “I like this dress and it looks good on me”. I don’t think strong reactions are as common as they seem. If you like your dress, you like the way you look in it,  and it makes you not want to look at anymore dresses, then it’s your dress. Idk, I just think the idea that there is a perfect dress out there for you and it’s THE ONE and it’ll make you cry is so silly ya know?

Post # 9
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I never felt like crying when i found my dress.  It was more like “yep this is it, sexy and classy” nothing more or less. 

Post # 10
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

minniegrace:  This makes sense. I didn’t have the ‘moment’ either. I found one I’d liked the best of any I’d tried, had a few elements I thought I wanted, and suited me. Me and my mum went out and sat in the car to leave, then decided to go back in and order it haha! I was always excited to wear it, but never cried about it or felt particularly bridal. Just like myself, in a nice dress.

Post # 11
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I tried on loads of dresses and then realised that basically I’m just not a materialistic person who actually cared about something so superficial (in my mind, no offense to anyone else) as a dress I was only going to wear once. So I went out and bought a cheap dress that was everything I’d wanted as a kid (big poofy princess dress) and decided not to worry myself about such an ultimately unimportant issue any more. Best decision I ever made. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I think your dress is gorgeous. I love the bodice. I had an idea when I went in what I wanted but when I tried on the dress I didn’t feel special or really even like it on me. When I tried on the ballgown I felt very bridal and special. I thought it looked flattering and I went with it. Then i thought I rushed to order but oh well. When I tried in on when I went to pick it up I felt much better about it until I saw pictures of myself in it but it still is about 2 sizes too big. I just keep reminding myself that I really liked it when I was trying them on and it will all be alright. As this process has wore one I am realizing things I stressed about when we first got engaged are really not that important to me. I just want to have a great day with family and loved ones and they all love me even if I wore a sack (Although I am sure they would still talk about me!)

Post # 13
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I was engaged once before and the only tears I shed when looking at dresses were out of frustration and utter irritation. Nothing fit right, the “dream dress” I fell in love with online made me look like a marshmallow & after about 50 dresses I was so sick of tulle & lace that I probably would have said yes to a purple prom dress if I had to put one more on. I definiately stressed myself out & rushed the process and probably passed up a lot of beautiful options because I was waiting on this magical feeling that never came and I don’t necessarily believe even exists. 

Your dress looks gorgeous! If it makes you happy, then keep it, but there’s nothing that says you cant go try on a few more with LOW stress. Go by yourself, or maybe take a close friend, try on a few and then once you get tired of it, stop immediately. If you still feel like the one you have is the one, then great! If you fall in love with another one, then that’s awesome too! 

Just don’t put all the pressure on yourself for the emotions… you’ll drive yourself crazy, I know I did!

Post # 15
Member
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s a beautiful dress and I think your reaction is very common – shows like SYTTD only seem to show the bride’s who have these extreme “OMG this is it!” moments when i’m sure a lot of brides try a dress on, think it looks good and carry on with their day.

My first wedding I picked a dress purely because it was flattering – I didn’t love it, but it suited my figure, was in my budget and made me feel not-ugly. It wasn’t like it was in the movies, but the dress did it’s job and at the end of the day I didn’t have any regrets.

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