- 7 years ago
Right now I feel like I am not emotionally connected to SO. But not in a bad way. In an intimate way. I live by the philosophy that for men sex is 90% physical and 10% emotional. While for women sex is 90% emotional and 10% physical.
Me and my SO have been intimate within months after dating (going on 4 years). He has a higher sex drive then I do and I know it’s mostly because I have school, my little one, work, birth control, and then him with the stress of waiting all on my plate. This of course brings my energy level to zero. I’m always tired and not ever really in the mood for sex (which I know a lot of it is because of the BC pills).
So that brings me to my issue. We have not been intimate a lot lately and it’s mostly because of me. My SO would have sex all day everyday if he could and he gets kind of frustrated if we don’t have sex regularly. So we have “talks” about it. He think it’s a need for him and just kind of supposed to happen since we are in a relationship. Although I beg to differ. We often agree to disagree on the topic and move on.
So last night while in bed of course he tried to make his move and I shut it down. So he goes on the defensive once again and ask me “what’s wrong”. I told him that he gets to have his cake and eat it to.
Him: what does that mean
Me: Biblically you are not supposed to have sex until you a married. It’s sacred and supposed to be a gift not just a given. Now I understand that more and more given our situation.
Why should I give you something that sacred (sex) and you not give me something that sacred (commitment, marriage, etc).
Him: Oh so you going there
Me: All I’m saying is that if we would have waited then this ~no sex~ would not be an issue.
Him: I understand and that totally makes sense.
So ladies I’m not trying to do tit for tat or “hold out” because we aren’t engaged. Yet I KNOW that sex is VERY important to my SO. And it’s not that I don’t want to give it to him but I just think that he needs to see and feel what I’m feeling. Being proposed to/engaged/married are equally if not greater of importance to me. It’s like why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I’ve been thinking that he’s comfortable and doesn’t understand that I have given him pretty much everything that I would as a wife and that’s not fair when he hasn’t proclaimed it by proposing and ultimately marrying me. Why do you get all the luxuries for free? I didn’t want to use the bible to benefit my position don’t get me wrong. It was just to make a point. Although we’ve been living together (also a sin) I feel like I should stop doing some of the “wifely” things that he takes for granted (like sex, etc) until we get engaged (only 4 months til my deadline) to show him that these are sacred priviledges that are supposed to be for a husband.
Anyone else done something similar? Am I crazy? Is this wrong? I would love advice, stories, feedback. Thanks for reading.